Changing an unwed couples childs surname to her mothers surname.

[Concerned0001]

Illinois.

My daughter wants to change her daughters surname to her own. The child is nearly 3 and the father has not paid a dime for child support, looks at child porn and has no visitation rights due to his perverse state of mind. He is volitile as well. However there is no proof that he looks at or is involved in child porn. This human being makes the hair on my arms stand up.

She wants this name changed and knows the father will not agree to it. What does she need to do?

I appreciate your time and advice. Please understand the child has not seen her father for many months due to my daughter catching the father on the internet looking at this filth. My daughter has told the father he can come and visit but only under supervision. He has never come. He is also an alcoholic. Doesnt hold a job and is very abusive. He shouldn't be around ANY child.

 

[dannyt]

dad must consent.

Illinois.

My daughter wants to change her daughters surname to her own. The child is nearly 3 and the father has not paid a dime for child support, looks at child porn and has no visitation rights due to his perverse state of mind. He is volitile as well. However there is no proof that he looks at or is involved in child porn. This human being makes the hair on my arms stand up.

She wants this name changed and knows the father will not agree to it. What does she need to do?

I appreciate your time and advice. Please understand the child has not seen her father for many months due to my daughter catching the father on the internet looking at this filth. My daughter has told the father he can come and visit but only under supervision. He has never come. He is also an alcoholic. Doesnt hold a job and is very abusive. He shouldn't be around ANY child.

she needs dad's permission to change the child's name. no matter what he is still the father, and has as many rights as your daughter. this human being, as you call him, is the man your daughter chose to lay down with and get pregnant by, so you really should keep your opinions about him to yourself, before it causes your daughter problems

 

[Isis1]

Illinois.

My daughter wants to change her daughters surname to her own. The child is nearly 3 and the father has not paid a dime for child support, looks at child porn and has no visitation rights due to his perverse state of mind. He is volitile as well. However there is no proof that he looks at or is involved in child porn. This human being makes the hair on my arms stand up.

She wants this name changed and knows the father will not agree to it. What does she need to do?

I appreciate your time and advice. Please understand the child has not seen her father for many months due to my daughter catching the father on the internet looking at this filth. My daughter has told the father he can come and visit but only under supervision. He has never come. He is also an alcoholic. Doesnt hold a job and is very abusive. He shouldn't be around ANY child.

not going to happen without dad's permission. mom can request her maiden name be added as a hypen. but she won't be able to make daddy disappear this way.

 

[mdgtfrmhll]

My daughter wants to change her daughters surname to her own. The child is nearly 3 and the father has not paid a dime for child support, looks at child porn and has no visitation rights due to his perverse state of mind. He is volitile as well. However there is no proof that he looks at or is involved in child porn. This human being makes the hair on my arms stand up.

How can he look at child porn but there be no proof he looked at child porn at the same time. If your daughter caught him looking at child porn, did she report it? It is a crime to look at child porn and the authorities have a way of extracting evidence from a computer. Where is the computer now?

Has the father legally been established as dad through the courts? Has he been ordered by pay child support? If not, then he is within his rights not to pay child support.

You do realize grandchild is part of this human being who makes the hair on your arms stand up, right? You do realize said grandchild is only here because daughter decided to have sex with this human?

She wants this name changed and knows the father will not agree to it. What does she need to do?

Without dad's permission, she will not be able to change the child's last name. She could always change her last name if what she wants is to have the same last name as the child. That is what she wants right? She doesn't want to deprive child of his last name since birth, one that was good enough for him at that time.

 

[Concerned0001]

she needs dad's permission to change the child's name. no matter what he is still the father, and has as many rights as your daughter. this human being, as you call him, is the man your daughter chose to lay down with and get pregnant by, so you really should keep your opinions about him to yourself, before it causes your daughter problems

Do you have children and Grandchildren? And would you want your Grandchild photographed in a sexual manner? Would you support the fathers rights when you know he has and will again touch her in a sexual way? I support my Daughter and Granddaughter as they need as much emotional support as they can get. My Daughter is trying to do the best she can for her Daughter and needs SOUND legal advice on what to do not an opinion that is male biased. Because they were not married, the Mother (who cares for the child ) actually has more rights as she is custodial. Thats how it is in Illinois. If the father doesnt contribute he has no visitation rights. Why should the Daughter carry his name?

 

[Ohiogal]

Illinois.

My daughter wants to change her daughters surname to her own. The child is nearly 3 and the father has not paid a dime for child support, looks at child porn and has no visitation rights due to his perverse state of mind. He is volitile as well. However there is no proof that he looks at or is involved in child porn. This human being makes the hair on my arms stand up.

She wants this name changed and knows the father will not agree to it. What does she need to do?

I appreciate your time and advice. Please understand the child has not seen her father for many months due to my daughter catching the father on the internet looking at this filth. My daughter has told the father he can come and visit but only under supervision. He has never come. He is also an alcoholic. Doesnt hold a job and is very abusive. He shouldn't be around ANY child.

Oh so we should assume that there are no court orders for child support or visitation? Did mom report him for looking at child pornography? Did she call the police? If dad does not agree, she is going to have issues. Why did your daughter let an alcoholic, unemployed, pornography loving man impregnate her?

 

[Isis1]

Do you have children and Grandchildren? And would you want your Grandchild photographed in a sexual manner? Would you support the fathers rights when you know he has and will again touch her in a sexual way? I support my Daughter and Granddaughter as they need as much emotional support as they can get. My Daughter is trying to do the best she can for her Daughter and needs SOUND legal advice on what to do not an opinion that is male biased. Because they were not married, the Mother (who cares for the child ) actually has more rights as she is custodial. Thats how it is in Illinois. If the father doesnt contribute he has no visitation rights. Why should the Daughter carry his name?

i've got news for you. that poster is female. and a nutjob.

if there was a child molested, why is child protective services not involved? if my child was molested, i'd be the one asking the questions. i'd hire an attorney. even if i had to sell both legs.

dad doesn't need to pay support to have rights. he has to file to establish paternity to get his rights.

 

[mdgtfrmhll]

Do you have children and Grandchildren? And would you want your Grandchild photographed in a sexual manner? Would you support the fathers rights when you know he has and will again touch her in a sexual way? I support my Daughter and Granddaughter as they need as much emotional support as they can get. My Daughter is trying to do the best she can for her Daughter and needs SOUND legal advice on what to do not an opinion that is male biased. Because they were not married, the Mother (who cares for the child ) actually has more rights as she is custodial. Thats how it is in Illinois. If the father doesnt contribute he has no visitation rights. Why should the Daughter carry his name?

If they were not married, and father has not legally been established, then how does he know it is his child. He doesn't have to contribute to a child that may or may not be his. That can not be used against him.

If father wanted to have visitation rights, he would need to petition the courts for paternity and file.

If mother wants father to contribute, then she should petition the courts for paternity and have child support established at that time.

Even though mother is the one who is, by your words, custodial, it does not mean that she can change her child's last name if she wants. She is the one who filled in the box that said child's last name. She knowingly gave the child the father's last name.

 

[Ohiogal]

Do you have children and Grandchildren? And would you want your Grandchild photographed in a sexual manner? Would you support the fathers rights when you know he has and will again touch her in a sexual way? I support my Daughter and Granddaughter as they need as much emotional support as they can get. My Daughter is trying to do the best she can for her Daughter and needs SOUND legal advice on what to do not an opinion that is male biased. Because they were not married, the Mother (who cares for the child ) actually has more rights as she is custodial. Thats how it is in Illinois. If the father doesnt contribute he has no visitation rights. Why should the Daughter carry his name?

The bolded is completely incorrect. Child support is NOT an admission fee to see the child. Dad could get visitation by asking a judge to order it. Mom could get an order for support by asking the same. By not having any court orders then there is NO obligation for dad to support the child.

What has your dear darling daughter done to deal with dad's alleged crimes? When she found out that he is involved -- per you -- in child pornography did she immediately contact the police?

Daughter should carry his name because HE apparently is dad -- at least MOM thinks so -- and MOM chose to give the child that name.

 

[Concerned0001]

How can he look at child porn but there be no proof he looked at child porn at the same time. If your daughter caught him looking at child porn, did she report it? It is a crime to look at child porn and the authorities have a way of extracting evidence from a computer. Where is the computer now?

Has the father legally been established as dad through the courts? Has he been ordered by pay child support? If not, then he is within his rights not to pay child support.

You do realize grandchild is part of this human being who makes the hair on your arms stand up, right? You do realize said grandchild is only here because daughter decided to have sex with this human?



Without dad's permission, she will not be able to change the child's last name. She could always change her last name if what she wants is to have the same last name as the child. That is what she wants right? She doesn't want to deprive child of his last name since birth, one that was good enough for him at that time.

To answer your questions :

4 months after my Daughter left him (after she caught him looking at the porn) the Child Advocacy unit said they would look at his computers. He builds his own computers and I dont know how he could accomplish eliminating evidence but the CAU saud there was no evidence on the computer. Maybe he switched the hard drive out...I wouldn't know. It took 4 months because it took 4 months....don't know why.

The father established himself as father by being placed on the birth certificate. My Daughter wanted to be a family with him and their daughter. She had thought he would be different than he turned out to be. Love is blind...And she desperatley wanted to be a family.

They have tryed to serve him papers but, because he has a camera installed on his outside door and is able to see who is knocking, he would not answer his door. So servng child support papers has been unsuccessful. He collects unemployment as he lost his job when he went to jail for his 8th DUI. He has been out of jail for 6 months or so and has no interest in working. He now has a girlfriend that works and drives.

I love my Grandaughter and although her father is who he is, that can't be helped. She is wonderful and loving and very smart. I would do anything I could for her. I never say anything bad about her father. We have other things to talk about and many things to do that do not involve any mention of him. I do realize my daughter made a poor choice but that was her decision. The rest of the family has never understood why she made that choice. But, yes my Granddaugter is the product and I love her 'all the way to the moon and back' and them some.

Hope this covers all the questions. Thanks.

 

[Ohiogal]

To answer your questions :

4 months after my Daughter left him (after she caught him looking at the porn) the Child Advocacy unit said they would look at his computers. He builds his own computers and I dont know how he could accomplish eliminating evidence but the CAU saud there was no evidence on the computer. Maybe he switched the hard drive out...I wouldn't know. It took 4 months because it took 4 months....don't know why.

Maybe he wasn't looking at CHILD pornography> maybe it was just pornography. Maybe it was just pictures of children.

The father established himself as father by being placed on the birth certificate. My Daughter wanted to be a family with him and their daughter. She had thought he would be different than he turned out to be. Love is blind...And she desperatley wanted to be a family.

She chose him. Dad did not just sign the affidavit. Dear darling daughter would have had to ALSO sign the affidavit.

They have tryed to serve him papers but, because he has a camera installed on his outside door and is able to see who is knocking, he would not answer his door. So servng child support papers has been unsuccessful. He collects unemployment as he lost his job when he went to jail for his 8th DUI. He has been out of jail for 6 months or so and has no interest in working. He now has a girlfriend that works and drives.

He got 8 DUIs after your daughter had sex with him?

I love my Grandaughter and although her father is who he is, that can't be helped. She is wonderful and loving and very smart. I would do anything I could for her. I never say anything bad about her father. We have other things to talk about and many things to do that do not involve any mention of him. I do realize my daughter made a poor choice but that was her decision. The rest of the family has never understood why she made that choice. But, yes my Granddaugter is the product and I love her 'all the way to the moon and back' and them some.

Then realize that you have NO RIGHTS here. NONE.

 

[Concerned0001]

Did she call the police? Why did your daughter let an alcoholic, unemployed, pornography loving man impregnate her?

First she called her family. She wanted to get she and the child out of there. Within a day we had her out. Then she waffled. "I don't want my Daughters father to go to jail. He is her father. I don't want him to get in trouble." He seemed to have some sort of power over her. After a month things started hittng her.....then she started making phone calls. The paper work started and interviews with the Mom and child. Child was too little and couldn't verbalize well enough to 'talk' to the investigation team. Then it progressed. They were supposed to look into his computer. Apparently they didn't find anything....not even the adult porn. He knows his way around the hard drive. He may have even switched them out. Now he doesnt answer his door.

My daughter didn't know who he was before she had sex with him. He was workiing for his brother and I don't think he looked at porn with her knowing about it. But that is a question I can't answer. That is the same question I've been asking myself.

She has called the police many times. The last time was over her winter coat. She didn't get everything out of his house. He wouldn't let her have her coat. The police were called and still he wouldn't let her have it. After the officers dealt with him for 45 min. they had to call their supervisor. Their supervisor came. He still wouldn't let her have her coat. Finally the girlfriend brought it to the door swinging it back and forth saying.."did u want this #$()!
You cant have it until you say please...now say pretty please...." The officers were just dumb struck. My daughter grabbed it from her hands and the father iof the child said..."I'm pressing charges that was an assault" .

So you see....these are not the average individuals....there is something sick going on in their heads. I'm grateful my daughter and granddaughter are no longer in that enviournment. My daughter just wants her daughter to not have that name. She wants them to have her name.

 

[Concerned0001]

Then realize that you have NO RIGHTS here. NONE.

Of course I know I have no rights. Im not saying I should have rights. I just am trying to help them. That is what one does when they love someone....is help them....don't you help those that you love? Maybe you are to busy being judgemental.

 

[Ohiogal]

First she called her family. She wanted to get she and the child out of there. Within a day we had her out. Then she waffled. "I don't want my Daughters father to go to jail. He is her father. I don't want him to get in trouble." He seemed to have some sort of power over her. After a month things started hittng her.....then she started making phone calls. The paper work started and interviews with the Mom and child. Child was too little and couldn't verbalize well enough to 'talk' to the investigation team. Then it progressed. They were supposed to look into his computer. Apparently they didn't find anything....not even the adult porn. He knows his way around the hard drive. He may have even switched them out. Now he doesnt answer his door.

Then mom is to blame as well quite frankly. And if there is no evidence it did not happen.

My daughter didn't know who he was before she had sex with him.

Sad she would willingly sleep with someone she doesn't know. But she did and there are consequences.

He was workiing for his brother and I don't think he looked at porn with her knowing about it. But that is a question I can't answer. That is the same question I've been asking myself.

Looking at PORN is NOT an issue.

She has called the police many times. The last time was over her winter coat. She didn't get everything out of his house. He wouldn't let her have her coat. The police were called and still he wouldn't let her have it. After the officers dealt with him for 45 min. they had to call their supervisor. Their supervisor came. He still wouldn't let her have her coat. Finally the girlfriend brought it to the door swinging it back and forth saying.."did u want this #$()!
You cant have it until you say please...now say pretty please...." The officers were just dumb struck. My daughter grabbed it from her hands and the father iof the child said..."I'm pressing charges that was an assault" .

Truthfully girlfriend was assaulted by your daughter. She had no right. The police could do NOTHING as this is a CIVIL dispute and not a criminal issue.

So you see....these are not the average individuals....there is something sick going on in their heads. I'm grateful my daughter and granddaughter are no longer in that enviournment. My daughter just wants her daughter to not have that name. She wants them to have her name.

Oh well. This is the child's father. Your daughter is not exactly an "average individual" either. She is just as sick quite frankly. She would excuse child pornography and waffle on it? Oh okay. My bet is it was not child pornography but just porn which is NOT illegal. And unless and UNTIL mom gets a child support order dad doesn't owe a dime in support. Dad could get a visitation order as well. Oh and even if he doesn't pay child support (if there is an order) mom would NOT be legally allowed to withhold visitation if it were court ordered.

The name will NOT get changed from dad's to hers unless dad agrees.

 

[Ohiogal]

Of course I know I have no rights. Im not saying I should have rights. I just am trying to help them. That is what one does when they love someone....is help them....don't you help those that you love? Maybe you are to busy being judgemental.

No. I am too busy dealing with children who are screwed up by parents and grandparents like you.