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Cheated on / lied to about refinancing.

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I am in Minnesota.
About two years ago I bought a house with my boyfriend. 4 months after moving in I found out he was sleeping with one of his students. Our relationship was also marred with both physical and emotional abuse. I don't want to go into the details, but I was living in fear and it took him cheating for me to gain enough gumption to end the relationship.

We agreed that he would keep the house, but that he would have it refinanced under his own name. This cost would be his burden since I paid for 2/3rds of the down payment as well as the escrow. I did not receive anything, I was just happy to keep my dog and be away from this man. I left with just my clothes, and my pup. I didn't have a truck to move my furniture and I wasn't brave enough to go back for anything that wasn't absolutely essential. He kept everything.

He lead me to believe that my name was off the loan on the house and that all I needed to do was sign my name off the title to the property. I was living in fear. I also didn't believe that he would mis-lead me since he was constantly sending me messages about how much he missed and loved me. I was an idiot. I took him at his word and I removed my name from the title. I also lost access to the loan information connected to my bank account. So I had no idea that I was still on the loan until a few months ago when he made the mistake of defaulting on the payment and the bank contacted me! He lost his tenured job at the school. He has since moved away but decided to rent out the house. So he is making payments on time again and he is also making a profit off of the rent.

I don't think that my credit should be piggy backing him anymore. I am renting an apartment and would like to buy again to start building up equity of my own, but I can't because my credit is still tied up on that loan. And I have no say on what happens to the house because my name isn't on the title.

I have no idea what to do. He is difficult to talk to. Often leaves my messages unreturned, or texts me cryptic messages at 3 am leading me to believe that he is going to sell the property but never speaks to me when he is sober. I suspect he is just trying to buy time. I don't think that he is able to have the house refinanced anymore due to his lack of income. What do I do? Who can i contact? What can I expect it to cost me? I put my savings into that house, so I don't have much for a retainer. What options do I have? Where do I even start?

Please speak kindly, I already know how dumb and gullible I was. I just want to move forward.


Senior Member
You get an attorney. Yes, you were duped. You should have never signed a deed without the contemporaneous release from the loan. It's done at closing in refinances all the time. You're going to have to go to court and convince them that there was indeed an agreement that the refinance occur in exchange for you giving up the property. The bad news that even if the court agrees with you, if your ex is a financial disaster, it may not be possible for him to dispose of the loan. At best you'll be back with both a share of the house and the mortgage responsibility.


Senior Member
What do I do?
One option is a "partition" action (google it) where you go to court and force the sale of the home.

Who can i contact?
A lawyer.

What can I expect it to cost me?
Many thousands.

What options do I have?
Bad ones.

Where do I even start?
You start by seeking a free consult with an attorney to see what the costs will be to litigate this and what kind of payment plan you can get. Then you make a decision.
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