Check my thinking...( mom's behavior towards me )

[olhobbes]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

First off: CO in place, I am following it to the letter, excepting when I make allowances for Mom's erratic schedule. I don't expect a medal, just putting it out there in case it's relevant.

Ever since the CO was put in place, mom has been extremely hostile towards me ( likely due to the circumstances of the legal action ). While she has always been...civil...around our daughter, she is constantly trying to push the limits of the CO ( inviting our daughter's friends over for a playdate, at about the same time as the switch off time. Then handing the phone to our daughter so I tell her why she can't hang out with her friend, ect... ). While she is abusive in email to me ( which doesn't mean anything to me ), I am concerned with her apparent increasingly irrational discourse and her inability to effectively communicate on issues related to our daughter. She constantly asking my daughter if I've hit her ( I don't use capital punishment ), or if I've lost my temper and destroyed her toys ( which is also something I've never done ). While she spends time with her mother, her mother won't exactly talk about what she is currently mad at me about ( it changes week to week ), but she'll make comments to our daughter related to the various issues she has with me.

My question is this: Is any of this relevant? As I understand the process, if ( when ) I wind up in front of the mediator again, will any of this mean anything to the mediator? It has more to do with her mother's relationship with me rather than any parenting issues with our daughter ( although some of her actions directly impact our daughter, although i can't prove much of it ), so I'm inclined to say "No". But some expert advice would be appreciated here.

( note: for my part, my communications with mom are strictly limited to what's necessary for my daughter, and I keep my emails strictly neutral. I stick with the facts and do not engage in arguments, despite mom's attempts to start them. )

 

[stealth2]

Well... I'm glad that you don't use capital punishment. I can't think of anything your daughter could do that would warrant the death penalty. Oh... wait... do you mean *corporal* punishment (i.e. spanking)? Please - know what you're saying before typing it.

As for what she does or does not say to or in front of your child - what proof do you have?

 

[olhobbes]

Well... I'm glad that you don't use capital punishment. I can't think of anything your daughter could do that would warrant the death penalty. Oh... wait... do you mean *corporal* punishment (i.e. spanking)? Please - know what you're saying before typing it.

As for what she does or does not say to or in front of your child - what proof do you have?

Corporal, yes, sorry. As for what proof I have, not much. For instance, mom will say certain unique phrases in emails, and then my daughter will say pretty much the same thing, word for word. Oftentimes, our daughter will spontaneously bring up the topic her mother is mad about with me ( I shield our daughter as much as I can from the arguments, and thus never discuss them with her ).

I realize that, as far as the mediator is concerned, this is nothing more than a he said/she said situation ( but I document none the less ).

 

[mistoffolees]

Corporal, yes, sorry. As for what proof I have, not much. For instance, mom will say certain unique phrases in emails, and then my daughter will say pretty much the same thing, word for word. Oftentimes, our daughter will spontaneously bring up the topic her mother is mad about with me ( I shield our daughter as much as I can from the arguments, and thus never discuss them with her ).

I realize that, as far as the mediator is concerned, this is nothing more than a he said/she said situation ( but I document none the less ).

Just drop it. Unless you can prove it AND can prove that it's harming the child, you're simply wasting your time fighting over it - and making any chance of having a reasonable co-parenting relationship in the future goes out the window.

Sometimes it's best to simply ignore things like this.

 

[olhobbes]

Just drop it. Unless you can prove it AND can prove that it's harming the child, you're simply wasting your time fighting over it - and making any chance of having a reasonable co-parenting relationship in the future goes out the window.

Sometimes it's best to simply ignore things like this.

I generally do. Like I said, I keep my communication with mom to the bare minimum necessary for the well being of our daughter ( medical appts, conferences, and such ), and otherwise do not engage her when she is attempting to start an argument ( by calling me names, insulting me or saying I do horrible things to our daughter ).

I document in case I need it later, then drop it. I figured it wasn't really relevant in and of itself ( but rather as a pattern of behavior ), and wanted to verify my understanding.

 

[CJane]

Even as a 'pattern of behavior', it's less relevant than you would imagine.