Child Custody - Please Help

[robzmom]

I am writing from Virginia. I have just been served with papers regarding child custody. For the last 9 yrs my son has spend every other weekend, holidays, etc with his father whom I was never married to. Now all of a sudden he wants to take him away from me. I can't understand why, I have given him no reason. The order states because I fail to provide supervision and fail to allow contact between him and the child. My son is in 6th grade and the only time he is not "supervised" is 30min in the morning prior to school and about 45min after school and occasionally half a day. I am home from work by 3:30pm every day and do not feel it is necessary to put him in day care because of his age. And as far as not allowing contact, I can't figure that one out. We have a court order stating he gets him every other weekend and Tuesday evenings from 6:30 - 8:30pm and then the various holidays in between the calendar year. He never calls any other time and I don't feel that it is my responsibility to track him down and make him talk to my son. If my son wanted to call he is more than welcome but never even wants to. So my question is what are the chances of my child being taken away from me?? And I forgot to mention that his father works in the court system where we would be attending. He is a baliff for the judge. Also we have heard alot lately about the split visitation -- one week with mom and then the next with dad. I dont think that this is good for the child -- but can anyone help. My current husband and I are really stressed out other this. It just seems he can take me to court for anything anymore. And whatever he wants he usually gets, because like I said he works in the court room and I already feel that I am at a disadvantage! Please help!

 

[july_child]

Get a lawyer quick!!!

I would retain a lawyer as soon as possible and try to get the case moved to another courthouse. I believe that could be a conflict of interest b/c your son's father probably knows all the judges. I would do this as soon as possible. If your son's father sees his son regularly w/out any problems why didn't he try and talk to you about it. It sounds really fishy. Do u all not get along? Where does your son's father live? Does your son want to go live with him? It seems to me that your child's father is trying to prove you unfit which is the only means that he can get custody if you already have it. The shared parenting only works out for parents who can communicate and live nearby. It sounds to me that you and your child's father don't communicate that much or he would have tried to work things out with you before serving you with papers. But anyway I would retain a lawyer ASAP. Good luck!

 

[Cookie97128]

If he is already getting

his visitation times, maybe he's wanting more. I don't think the court will remove a child from his home just because dad wants him now. The child is old enough to put his opinion in as to where he wants to live. They might not base there whole decision on his wants, but it will help. Just because he works there, I would ask for a different judge than the one HE works for. That's a conflict of interest, or could be considered one.
Do you have an attorney? Does dad pay child support? Is the amount he pays alot? Maybe this is a way to reduce the amount he wants to pay.
Get letters from the school counslor as to how he is doing. Take his report cards. Contact the attendance office and see how many times he's been absent or tardy. These are all factors in him being left home alone for a thirty minute period. Some kids can't be left alone for 5 minutes without getting into trouble. Is your son responsible? Think about all that he does on his own, his chores, a paper route, his homework with out having to be reminded every 10 minutes. If he is responsible then they shouldn't be able to use that against you - you leaveing him home. Ask you son if it bothers him to be home alone. Maybe he's said something to dad that triggered the custody... Sometimes a boy just wants to be with dad and doesn't know how to tell mom. Does he get along with your husband?

1. talk to your son.
2. contact the school.
3. get a lawyer.

Good Luck.
Cookie

 

[robzmom]

Help

Thanks, I have hired an attorney and see her on Friday. We can not have a civil conversation at all. This comes from his current wife and I guess she feels threatened by it and will not allow him to talk to me unless she is within earshot and can hear. Which is funny to me. But none the less, we live in the same city and there is only one school. So I have been told that is a problem for me -- as far as the one week with each deal. They are more likely to do that because of this reason. He has had his child support reduced to next to nothing 2 different times. He refuses to pay for anything else at all. Sometimes it is even hard getting the medical bills paid. There is only one judge in the county and I have been told that it will look bad on me if we ask for him to be excused from the case. I dont know what to do. About 4 mths ago my son got upset at me and it was right at the time he was to go to his dads house. It was over something really stupid and minor but his dad saw the way he was acting and told him that if he told the judge he wanted to live with him that would never happen while he was with him. It sounded good at the time, but my son knows he can not live with his dad -- he hates his step mother and he realizes now that he made a mistake saying that. He is a very responsible child and I have no problems leaving him for those couple of hours during the day. I just need help I am really driving myself crazy thinking about it, cause I dont know what I will do if my son gets taken away from me!!

 

[robzmom]

Help

Thanks, I have hired an attorney and see her on Friday. We can not have a civil conversation at all. This comes from his current wife and I guess she feels threatened by it and will not allow him to talk to me unless she is within earshot and can hear. Which is funny to me. But none the less, we live in the same city and there is only one school. So I have been told that is a problem for me -- as far as the one week with each deal. They are more likely to do that because of this reason. He has had his child support reduced to next to nothing 2 different times. He refuses to pay for anything else at all. Sometimes it is even hard getting the medical bills paid. There is only one judge in the county and I have been told that it will look bad on me if we ask for him to be excused from the case. I dont know what to do. About 4 mths ago my son got upset at me and it was right at the time he was to go to his dads house. It was over something really stupid and minor but his dad saw the way he was acting and told him that if he told the judge he wanted to live with him that would never happen while he was with him. It sounded good at the time, but my son knows he can not live with his dad -- he hates his step mother and he realizes now that he made a mistake saying that. He is a very responsible child and I have no problems leaving him for those couple of hours during the day. I just need help I am really driving myself crazy thinking about it, cause I dont know what I will do if my son gets taken away from me!!

 

[july_child]

Lawyer

I'm not an expert in legal proceedings by any means but it seems as though your case should be moved b/c your child's father works with the judge. Maybe you can consult another attorney. It seems to me that if you were to have shared custody, you would have to communicate with your child's father about everything. And if you can't communicate at all now, how is that going to benefit your child.? Hopefully my reply will bump you up. Good luck!