Child Custody/visitation Order but we can't afford to...

[Jcolon515]

What is the name of your state? FL
My fiance has a court order from NYC stating we are to get him every holiday and every summer. Ok we obviously cannot afford to fly his son every SINGLE holiday. We do not gripe about the fact that we can't get him here EVERY holiday, so we get him 2x's a year. His son is only 6 years old so we have him fly with a stewardess because we don't have the funds to fly up there get him and come back. (We also have 5 children at home) Ok so my fiance and I decided we really don't have the funds at all to get his son down here this year so we decided we'd go ahead and get him his xmas gifts and allow him to spend xmas with his mom this year.This is the first year we have had to do this. We thought his mother would be happy as she has complained that she never has him for xmas. Well this year apparently she has decided to tell my fiance that he's not there for his son and starts saying all these negative things to him. We pay for him to come for xmas and get his gifts and we get him clothes and buy him whatever he needs when he's here. Everything we send back with him to NYC he never comes back with. Last year she sent him down here with literrally a suitcase full of dirty clothes and half of the clothes don't fit him. And she recevies over $500 a month for child support. My whole thing here is A. she has yet to tell the courts she up and moved to Boston, MA (isn't she required to do that? she states no) 2. She stated its MANDATORY we get him for X-mas (is that so?-even if we can't afford to get him here?) 3. We have tried working with her over and over so that we can purchase the ticket ahead of time and wont' have to pay the outrageous prices for the airfare but she always waits till the last minute (which this year she really waited) to tell us when we can buy the ticket. Then once we buy the ticket she comes back and says oh no i can't get up early to take him to the airport or im not going to send him you need to change this and that..or something else comes up. We are just so tired of going back and forth with her do you think any o f these points would be relevant if we take her back and do a modification of custody/visitation? I just really want to help my fiance out, its very frustrating.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? FL
My fiance has a court order from NYC stating we are to get him every holiday and every summer. Ok we obviously cannot afford to fly his son every SINGLE holiday. We do not gripe about the fact that we can't get him here EVERY holiday, so we get him 2x's a year. His son is only 6 years old so we have him fly with a stewardess because we don't have the funds to fly up there get him and come back. (We also have 5 children at home) Ok so my fiance and I decided we really don't have the funds at all to get his son down here this year so we decided we'd go ahead and get him his xmas gifts and allow him to spend xmas with his mom this year.This is the first year we have had to do this. We thought his mother would be happy as she has complained that she never has him for xmas. Well this year apparently she has decided to tell my fiance that he's not there for his son and starts saying all these negative things to him. We pay for him to come for xmas and get his gifts and we get him clothes and buy him whatever he needs when he's here. Everything we send back with him to NYC he never comes back with. Last year she sent him down here with literrally a suitcase full of dirty clothes and half of the clothes don't fit him. And she recevies over $500 a month for child support. My whole thing here is A. she has yet to tell the courts she up and moved to Boston, MA (isn't she required to do that? she states no) 2. She stated its MANDATORY we get him for X-mas (is that so?-even if we can't afford to get him here?) 3. We have tried working with her over and over so that we can purchase the ticket ahead of time and wont' have to pay the outrageous prices for the airfare but she always waits till the last minute (which this year she really waited) to tell us when we can buy the ticket. Then once we buy the ticket she comes back and says oh no i can't get up early to take him to the airport or im not going to send him you need to change this and that..or something else comes up. We are just so tired of going back and forth with her do you think any o f these points would be relevant if we take her back and do a modification of custody/visitation? I just really want to help my fiance out, its very frustrating.

Visitation is the NCP's RIGHT, not OBLIGATION. Dad does not have to exercise his right. So Mom is incorrect.

As far as the dates of visitation go, Dad certainly should go to court to modify the order to provide specific dates/times. Then he can confidently book flights.

 

[CourtClerk]

First, there is no "we" in this situation...

What is the name of your state? FL
My fiance has a court order from NYC stating we are to get him every holiday and every summer. Ok we obviously cannot afford to fly his son every SINGLE holiday. We do not gripe about the fact that we can't get him here EVERY holiday, so we get him 2x's a year.

No, your boyfriend gets his son twice a year. We need to work on your terminology a bit.

His son is only 6 years old so we have him fly with a stewardess because we don't have the funds to fly up there get him and come back. (We also have 5 children at home)

Are any of them his and older than 6? If not, then that was something he should have thought about before making the additional babies. If any of those children are yours from other relationships, he has absolutely no obligation to your children and he should remember that. Take care of his before he takes care of yours.

Ok so my fiance and I decided we really don't have the funds at all to get his son down here this year so we decided we'd go ahead and get him his xmas gifts and allow him to spend xmas with his mom this year.

Here we go with this "we" again.

This is the first year we have had to do this. We thought his mother would be happy as she has complained that she never has him for xmas. Well this year apparently she has decided to tell my fiance that he's not there for his son and starts saying all these negative things to him.

Well come on. With all due respect, your boyfriend's son sees the mailman more than he sees his father, and his father has decided to tra la la along and make additional babies instead of parenting his existing child...

We pay for him to come for xmas and get his gifts and we get him clothes and buy him whatever he needs when he's here. Everything we send back with him to NYC he never comes back with. Last year she sent him down here with literrally a suitcase full of dirty clothes and half of the clothes don't fit him.

Then buy him new ones and keep them with his father.

And she recevies over $500 a month for child support

.
You're saying this as if it's a lot of money... maybe to some people it is. I'll take comments from the peanut gallery on this one. I pay that much in child care alone and he hasn't even slept yet.

My whole thing here is A. she has yet to tell the courts she up and moved to Boston, MA (isn't she required to do that? she states no)

That's none of your business as you are not a party to this case. You don't know that she didn't and CSE doesn't deal with those issues.

2. She stated its MANDATORY we get him for X-mas (is that so?-even if we can't afford to get him here?)

It is not mandatory for your boyfriend to visit his son, however, it is never mandatory for you to get some kid that is not related to you. Visitation is a right, not an obligation.

3. We have tried working with her over and over so that we can purchase the ticket ahead of time and wont' have to pay the outrageous prices for the airfare but she always waits till the last minute (which this year she really waited) to tell us when we can buy the ticket. Then once we buy the ticket she comes back and says oh no i can't get up early to take him to the airport or im not going to send him you need to change this and that..or something else comes up.

Your boyfriend should learn to communicate with his ex so that these things can be planned ahead of time. There is a way.

We are just so tired of going back and forth with her do you think any o f these points would be relevant if we take her back and do a modification of custody/visitation? I just really want to help my fiance out, its very frustrating.

The best help you can give is to stay out of things that don't concern you. "We" can't take her back to court, "we" can't do anything to her at all, as you have no standing whatsoever.

 

[Jcolon515]

No, your boyfriend gets his son twice a year. We need to work on your terminology a bit.

Are any of them his and older than 6? If not, then that was something he should have thought about before making the additional babies. If any of those children are yours from other relationships, he has absolutely no obligation to your children and he should remember that. Take care of his before he takes care of yours.

Here we go with this "we" again.

Well come on. With all due respect, your boyfriend's son sees the mailman more than he sees his father, and his father has decided to tra la la along and make additional babies instead of parenting his existing child...

Then buy him new ones and keep them with his father.
.
You're saying this as if it's a lot of money... maybe to some people it is. I'll take comments from the peanut gallery on this one. I pay that much in child care alone and he hasn't even slept yet.

That's none of your business as you are not a party to this case. You don't know that she didn't and CSE doesn't deal with those issues.

It is not mandatory for your boyfriend to visit his son, however, it is never mandatory for you to get some kid that is not related to you. Visitation is a right, not an obligation.

Your boyfriend should learn to communicate with his ex so that these things can be planned ahead of time. There is a way.

The best help you can give is to stay out of things that don't concern you. "We" can't take her back to court, "we" can't do anything to her at all, as you have no standing whatsoever.

HERE WE GO AGAIN.--there is a WE here because when his son is here he lives with US not just with his dad. MY INCOME is what helps get him here. If they include MY income when they decided for the child support-then I definitely have some kind of concern here as to what WE can and can't do. Being that his sons MOTHER is not a responsible person and DOES NOT KNOW how to communicate its kind of hard to do anything with her!. I'VE ACTUALLY been the one to try and get them to communcate. she's even come to me AT TIMES with certain situations on how to deal with their son. SO IN THIS SITUATION THERE IS A WE! IF i had the mindframe you have I'D definitely be in a lot of trouble. You sure you aren't related to her as you both seem to think the same way. SHE SHOULD BE HAPPY HE'S AT LEAST GOING TO A HOME where he has a FAMILY that cares about him and not just to some other womans house who doesn't give a crap about him!

 

[Silverplum]

HERE WE GO AGAIN.--there is a WE here because when his son is here he lives with US not just with his dad. MY INCOME is what helps get him here. If they include MY income when they decided for the child support-then I definitely have some kind of concern here as to what WE can and can't do. Being that his sons MOTHER is not a responsible person and DOES NOT KNOW how to communicate its kind of hard to do anything with her!. I'VE ACTUALLY been the one to try and get them to communcate. she's even come to me AT TIMES with certain situations on how to deal with their son. SO IN THIS SITUATION THERE IS A WE! IF i had the mindframe you have I'D definitely be in a lot of trouble. You sure you aren't related to her as you both seem to think the same way. SHE SHOULD BE HAPPY HE'S AT LEAST GOING TO A HOME where he has a FAMILY that cares about him and not just to some other womans house who doesn't give a crap about him!

Mrs. Yelly-Shoutypants:

This is a LEGAL board, not a freaking-out board.

Please conduct yourself in a grownup fashion.

Legally, there is no "we." There is Mom and Dad and kid/s and that's it. If you wish to obtain legal info for Mister Y-S, then you may do so, but there IS NO WE.

Try again. And STOP yelling.

 

[Jcolon515]

Visitation is the NCP's RIGHT, not OBLIGATION. Dad does not have to exercise his right. So Mom is incorrect.

As far as the dates of visitation go, Dad certainly should go to court to modify the order to provide specific dates/times. Then he can confidently book flights.

He is definitely going to go back and do a modification of the order. Here's my question: what happens if we book the flight lets say 3 mos in advance and at the last minute she (the mother) decides, he can't go that day and starts with her lame excuses..do we then do a enforcement of the order?

 

[CourtClerk]

I'll tell you what. Go into court, and tell the judge that because he knocked you up too, there is a WE. Then the judge will talk to you about third party interference. Then his mom will get the thought in her head that you are nothing but one big interference, and then there will be a no third party contact slapped on YOU.

Legally dear, there is NO WE. You do not matter in this situation and if your income is being counted, it's because CSE believes that your gem of a boyfriend is underemploying himself, which is the only way your income could be decided. You are the shack up girlfriend of a guy who has a child in another state, so if I were you, I'd be contesting that to high heaven, because you aren't even his WIFE, just a girlfriend. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

[Jcolon515]

Mrs. Yelly-Shoutypants:

This is a LEGAL board, not a freaking-out board.

Please conduct yourself in a grownup fashion.

Legally, there is no "we." There is Mom and Dad and kid/s and that's it. If you wish to obtain legal info for Mister Y-S, then you may do so, but there IS NO WE.

Try again. And STOP yelling.

Legally there may be no we WE but morally and coming from a FAMILY oriented home and trying to get the best interest of the child there is a WE.
Can't believe you peoples mindframe!