B
BugHogan
Guest
Minnesota
My fiance has 3 children of whom him and his ex share joint custody, with her having physical custody of his two daughters, ages 12 and 13, and him having physical custody of his son, who is now 18, but still living with us. They have been divorced for 11 years.
The 13-year old has expressed a desire to move in with us before. Well the other day, she gave away her locker at school, gave away all her school supplies and called her brother crying (neither of us were home at the time) to see if he could come pick her up because she wanted to move in. There has been a lot of problems between her and her mother for many years.
When my fiance found out about what was going on, he called his ex to find out exactly what the deal was. She refused to tell him why his daughter was so upset and hung up on him. When he tried to call to talk to either of his daughters, neither her or her boyfriend would let them talk to him. Afraid for his daughter's safety (Mom lives with a guy who has been picked up on more than one occasion for physical violence against Mom in front of the kids, including his kid), my fiance contacted the police and insisted that they patch him through to talk to his daughter. She was crying and very upset and said she couldn't really talk about what was going on because they were standing right there. The police officer seemed to think everything was fine, that is was just a dispute between Mom and daughter and that was that.
My fiance would like to know what he can do. She is 13, can she say where she wants to live? Also, in the divorce papers, there is specific wording stating that both of them are to have liberal and reasonable contact with children in either's custody by phone. Mom refuses to even consider daughter living with us even though they don't get along at all; she has been on public assistance for 11 years, and to lose custody of her would mean she would lose 1/2 of her grant. It's not a matter of her not living there, the entire summer and most weekends out of the year, the kids are with us anyways.
We don't have a lot of money to engage in a court battle, plus we've heard that it's hard to switch physical custody once it's been established anyways, without some cooperation on the part of custodial parent or substantial proof of physical abuse. She hits the kids for punishment, which fiance doesn't agree with, but it wouldn't be considered "beatings" by any means. It would probably be really hard on the kids to have to go to court and fight as well, which is something they don't need. Is there anything else we can do to help her? Sorry for being so long-winded.
My fiance has 3 children of whom him and his ex share joint custody, with her having physical custody of his two daughters, ages 12 and 13, and him having physical custody of his son, who is now 18, but still living with us. They have been divorced for 11 years.
The 13-year old has expressed a desire to move in with us before. Well the other day, she gave away her locker at school, gave away all her school supplies and called her brother crying (neither of us were home at the time) to see if he could come pick her up because she wanted to move in. There has been a lot of problems between her and her mother for many years.
When my fiance found out about what was going on, he called his ex to find out exactly what the deal was. She refused to tell him why his daughter was so upset and hung up on him. When he tried to call to talk to either of his daughters, neither her or her boyfriend would let them talk to him. Afraid for his daughter's safety (Mom lives with a guy who has been picked up on more than one occasion for physical violence against Mom in front of the kids, including his kid), my fiance contacted the police and insisted that they patch him through to talk to his daughter. She was crying and very upset and said she couldn't really talk about what was going on because they were standing right there. The police officer seemed to think everything was fine, that is was just a dispute between Mom and daughter and that was that.
My fiance would like to know what he can do. She is 13, can she say where she wants to live? Also, in the divorce papers, there is specific wording stating that both of them are to have liberal and reasonable contact with children in either's custody by phone. Mom refuses to even consider daughter living with us even though they don't get along at all; she has been on public assistance for 11 years, and to lose custody of her would mean she would lose 1/2 of her grant. It's not a matter of her not living there, the entire summer and most weekends out of the year, the kids are with us anyways.
We don't have a lot of money to engage in a court battle, plus we've heard that it's hard to switch physical custody once it's been established anyways, without some cooperation on the part of custodial parent or substantial proof of physical abuse. She hits the kids for punishment, which fiance doesn't agree with, but it wouldn't be considered "beatings" by any means. It would probably be really hard on the kids to have to go to court and fight as well, which is something they don't need. Is there anything else we can do to help her? Sorry for being so long-winded.
I'd have to place the blame largely on her because of her very limited listening skills. That's definitely a big part of the problem between her and the kids. But you're right, as much as we love the girls and would love to have them live with us, we want to make sure that his daughter's reasons are legitimate for moving and not just because she's fighting for control over Mom. Even though we think Mom's living environment and parenting leaves alot to be desired, we don't want to spend lots of money and energy, only to have the courts question why we brought the case in the first place. Hopefully we can work it out with both the contact and custody, without necessarily engaging in a court battle.