Child Custody

[ryguy0946]

NE - As a father of a child with joint legal custody but secondary physical custody, I only get one evening a week plus every other weekend. My only desire in life is to hang out with her as much as possible. We have a tentative parenting plan in place, but I refuse to sign it until I get equal physical custody. Is there anything I can do to help my case? Also, is there anything I can do to do it without going to trial? I have plenty of support on my side, would a signed petition with signatures and testimonies defending me be of any benefit? I have already been slammed with enough lawyer bills I'm just trying to be as efficient/effective as possible. Thanks.

 

[Proserpina]

NE - As a father of a child with joint legal custody but secondary physical custody, I only get one evening a week plus every other weekend. My only desire in life is to hang out with her as much as possible. We have a tentative parenting plan in place, but I refuse to sign it until I get equal physical custody. Is there anything I can do to help my case? Also, is there anything I can do to do it without going to trial? I have plenty of support on my side, would a signed petition with signatures and testimonies defending me be of any benefit? I have already been slammed with enough lawyer bills I'm just trying to be as efficient/effective as possible. Thanks.

What you have is pretty standard NCP visitation.

Custody has already been decided and you cannot force Mom to comply with your wishes. If she's offering you more time than you have now, you might want to take whatever it is she's offering. Being stubborn is NOT going to help you.

In order to change custody, you need to show a change of circumstance. So what has changed? Why would equal physical custody be in the CHILD'S best interest at this point? Remembering that this isn't about you.

 

[ryguy0946]

I just don't understand why anything about Wilson v. Wilson is fair for the child. What exactly makes sense about giving a dedicated and committed father who pays child support an average of 1.5 days per week? If a father is determined and willing, what makes him less entitled to his child than the mother? Nothing has changed as far as circumstances, especially not the personal vendetta my daughter's mother has towards me personally. Nothing about the situation is for my daughter's best interest from her perspective, her only goal is to deprive me because of the conflicts that occurred previous to our child being born. I don't think anything makes less sense to me than the parental custody proportion our court system delegates. No matter how much a father disputes it, without consent of the mother he will always receive no more than one evening per week plus every other weekend. What exactly are the logistics behind that? How is this fair for any child? I can testify for the incentive of any father who is discriminated against by our awesome 'justice' system. At the moment it is nearly impossible for a father to defend himself against agenda driven mothers who think they are more adequate to have more time, responsibilities, and privileges by comparison. At the very minimum we need to come up with some kind of compromise or innovation to the process so children are no longer held hostage from fathers who are in an incredibly vulnerable position - especially when the other side is wealthy and feeling superior to the 'plaintiff' (what a degrading word to call an involved father huh?). To summarize: I just want to see my kid more, that is all.

 

[Proserpina]

I just don't understand why anything about Wilson v. Wilson is fair for the child. What exactly makes sense about giving a dedicated and committed father who pays child support an average of 1.5 days per week? If a father is determined and willing, what makes him less entitled to his child than the mother? Nothing has changed as far as circumstances, especially not the personal vendetta my daughter's mother has towards me personally. Nothing about the situation is for my daughter's best interest from her perspective, her only goal is to deprive me because of the conflicts that occurred previous to our child being born. I don't think anything makes less sense to me than the parental custody proportion our court system delegates. No matter how much a father disputes it, without consent of the mother he will always receive no more than one evening per week plus every other weekend. What exactly are the logistics behind that? How is this fair for any child? I can testify for the incentive of any father who is discriminated against by our awesome 'justice' system. At the moment it is nearly impossible for a father to defend himself against agenda driven mothers who think they are more adequate to have more time, responsibilities, and privileges by comparison. At the very minimum we need to come up with some kind of compromise or innovation to the process so children are no longer held hostage from fathers who are in an incredibly vulnerable position - especially when the other side is wealthy and feeling superior to the 'plaintiff' (what a degrading word to call an involved father huh?). To summarize: I just want to see my kid more, that is all.

Dad, we've read the same rant a gazillion times.

Doesn't really change the legal reality though.

Heck, I want to win the lottery this week and see the Steelers win number 7. But I doubt either of those will happen, either.

 

[ryguy0946]

Here is a fair question. What is your experience with my circumstance? Do you have children and how often do you see them? I'm just curious as to why you have no sympathy to this 'redundant proposal'.

 

[Proserpina]

Here is a fair question. What is your experience with my circumstance? Do you have children and how often do you see them? I'm just curious as to why you have no sympathy to this 'redundant proposal'.

I'm not here to hand out sympathy. Nor is anyone else.

I'm here - as is everyone else - to hand out accurate legal information.

And your legal reality is that as the NCP, you have what is - generally - considered standard visitation. Custody and visitation have already been decided. If you wanted something different, you had every chance to fight for more time during the initial determination.

You are now asking for a 50/50 timeshare, and without a change of circumstance that's just not going to happen unless Mom agrees.

Again, ask yourself what is in the child's best interest. Not yours or Mom's, but the child's best interest.

You've been quite coy though - what IS Mom offering?

 

[ryguy0946]

Mom is offering Wednesday nights (returned and 8:30 pm), and every other Friday night through Sunday night. Honestly no hostility intended towards you, I do appreciate your input, but what exactly is so fair about my daughter being deprived of this much time with her dad?

 

[Proserpina]

Mom is offering Wednesday nights (returned and 8:30 pm), and every other Friday night through Sunday night. Honestly no hostility intended towards you, I do appreciate your input, but what exactly is so fair about my daughter being deprived of this much time with her dad?

Ryguy, in my personal opinion, in an ideal world, the child - given two parents who are able and willing to co-parent effectively - would of course likely be better off spending as much time as possible with each parent.

But the reality is different and 50/50 time-sharing generally takes considerable cooperation from both parents and is not commonly ordered against the wishes of one parent. A successful time-share of that nature also depends quite a bit on the age of the child and how the time-share is actually split up.

What I think you might want to do is stick around these forum a bit, too. Read through some old threads. It's a free education and you may be surprised at what you learn.

 

[ryguy0946]

Why am I at such a disadvantage, none of that makes any sense to me I just don't understand why a determined father gets no leverage. After thousands of dollars spent on lawyer bills, etc. I have accomplished nothing. I'm extremely unsatisfied with my lawyer because we have made absolutely no progress. My only comfort is knowing how many of my friends and family support me and know the truth about my situation. But I need some kind of alternative besides going to trial, I simply don't have the finances to do that - Brooklynn's mother's father is loaded and paying for all of her fees, plus she lives at home and she receives child support for me - so money will never be an issue for her. I feel like I'm almost out of options at this point. I'm literally open to anything. I am almost tempted to send an album of pictures/videos of me and B to the judge just so she has some perception on the quality of our time together. By the way, thank you for listening to me vent.

 

[Proserpina]

Why am I at such a disadvantage, none of that makes any sense to me I just don't understand why a determined father gets no leverage.

Were you kiddo's primary caregiver? If the answer is "no", that's why you're not the CP. It would appear that Mom made the case that she was primary caregiver, and the courts do generally prefer to keep the status quo.

After thousands of dollars spent on lawyer bills, etc. I have accomplished nothing. I'm extremely unsatisfied with my lawyer because we have made absolutely no progress. My only comfort is knowing how many of my friends and family support me and know the truth about my situation. But I need some kind of alternative besides going to trial, I simply don't have the finances to do that - Brooklynn's mother's father is loaded and paying for all of her fees, plus she lives at home and she receives child support for me - so money will never be an issue for her.

Any agreement you make outside of court will be unenforceable.

And again - you have the standard NCP visitation. The time to argue for more parenting time was during the initial determination.

It has nothing to do with gender. Honestly, it really doesn't.

I feel like I'm almost out of options at this point. I'm literally open to anything. I am almost tempted to send an album of pictures/videos of me and B to the judge just so she has some perception on the quality of our time together. By the way, thank you for listening to me vent.

The judge honestly doesn't care. We can all take pictures, and provide videos. It doesn't mean that custody should be modified.

Please - sit back for a little while and read some.

 

[stealth2]

How old is the child? And what has your daily involvement been until now?

 

[mistoffolees]

What you have is pretty standard NCP visitation.

Custody has already been decided and you cannot force Mom to comply with your wishes. If she's offering you more time than you have now, you might want to take whatever it is she's offering. Being stubborn is NOT going to help you.

In order to change custody, you need to show a change of circumstance. So what has changed? Why would equal physical custody be in the CHILD'S best interest at this point? Remembering that this isn't about you.

Note that getting a judge to order 50:50 is VERY unlikely unless Mom agrees. 50:50 doesn't work unless the parents are both committed to making it work.

Mom is offering Wednesday nights (returned and 8:30 pm), and every other Friday night through Sunday night. Honestly no hostility intended towards you, I do appreciate your input, but what exactly is so fair about my daughter being deprived of this much time with her dad?

What is so fair about reducing your daughter's time with the person who has been her primary caregiver? What is so fair about upsetting your daughter's life and messing up the situation she's in now? What is so fair about putting your daughter into a situation which is almost certain to be fraught with conflict (50:50 when the parents don't agree)?

You have an order. The time to argue for greater responsibility would have been before the order was established. Actually, the best way to get greater responsibility would have been for you to be the primary caregiver in the child's life BEFORE you separated from her mother. Under a scenario like that, fathers can and do get primary custody. OR, if you were important enough in the child's life and you and Mom were able to agree that 50:50 was best, you could have had that.

But the court is not going to want to see you come in after the fact and say "I want more time because of ME, ME, ME". Not going to happen.

Your best bet is to be nice to Mom and take whatever additional time she gives you. If you're cooperative enough, that could be significant. For example, my order says 50:50, but I actually had about 60% of the overnights in 2011 because there were a lot of times that it made sense for daughter to spend extra time here.