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child custody

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Sandy Adair

this case is in virginia and is affected by virginia law, which i am not familiar with.

i am extremely concerned for my 14 year old daughter. it has recently come to my attention that she may be being molested by her "father", who has custody. she wants to come and live with me and may not want to go to court to press charges.

my question: when i go to pick her up this summer, something that is always hard to do as my ex- always finds a way to run off when he knows i am coming in, what legal steps do i have to take to keep her with me? this is very important and time-crucial.

i appreciate any advice you can give me, as in what age is she able to make the choice for herself about where she wants to live.

thank you

sandy adair


Senior Member
what proof do you have? just a feeling? or have you spoken with your daughter about this?

if it were me and i believe it to have happened - i wouldn't wait until summer visitation. i would contact the court house and request an emergency order. have your proof ready, not just thoughts and theories. i would also contact child protective services and have them investigate the matter. they are the cheapest investigators around - they are free. and if you can get a good case worker, it will be throughly investigated.

be prepared for your child to be interviewed and asked very detailed questions. be prepared for physical examinations and interviews by child psychologists along with counselors and therapists.

if it is happening, she is going to need your help to get through it. do not try to dig out details or ask her tons of questions. you can be surprised at how easy you can lead a child with questions and "install" memories that never happened. let the professions deal with all of that. they are better prepared to handle it.

be positive before you go in making accusations.


she is of age to voice her opinion to the courts on why she wants to live with you. it is still the decision of the judge on where she will actually live. but at 14 her opinion should carry some weight.

just a word of warning - if you suspect abuse and you do not do anything about it, in the eyes of the court - you are as guilty as the abuser (not legally, but morally). so don't wait it out and 2 months down the road want to do something about it. if it is occuring react now.

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