child custody

[Littlest Angel]

i am from new york...my situation is as follows...i have a five year old born of wedlock...the father is on the birth certificate and we have signed a form of paternity...but the biological father has not been involved in the child's life since 1, who will be 6 soon. about 2 months ago i get word throught the grapevine that he wants to see his son etc. the reason he believes he has not seen the child is because of my new relationship i got in when my son was 1, which we are now married. but that is not true. i was not satisfied with his way of life and thought it was dangerous for my child to be around him. i moved with my husband and have never kept in touch with the biological father, except for any messages he might send once in a blue...well i started looking into his rights as recognized biological father and please correct me if i am wrong...he has the right to pick up my child in school, my home, stop me from relocating, and make decisions concerning my child. so i went for sole custody... the judge was very arrogant and wants the father served, i have no idea where he lives. anyway i felt i should have a strong case since he has never paid child support or been a part of my son's life to receive sole custody. i am due for another hearing and i want to know my rights his rights and what to do to get i guess my case stronger to receive sole custody. if you can give me advice and websites i could go to. because i have looked at websites, but i do not fall under some situations and they are not thorough. thanx, the worriest Littlest Angel.

 

[Ambr]

the father has had no contact because you felt it was best for your child? did i follow this right?

<b>"i was not satisfied with his way of life and thought it was dangerous for my child to be around him. i moved with my husband and have never kept in touch with the biological father, except for any messages he might send once in a blue" </b>

it is mandatory that the biological dad be served before you go to court. he has to have the chance to represent himself against any legal proceedings. there is a method that you are suppose to use when you do not have an address for the ex. (it usually details notifications in the newspaper)

have you tried contact with his family?

<b>"i felt i should have a strong case since he has never paid child support or been a part of my son's life to receive sole custody." </b>

what were the reasons? if he can prove that you took the child and because denied him access, visitation, etc. he has grounds for a modification of custody.

you need to build your case for why it is better that you have sole rights to your child. you need to be prepared for anything that your ex can throw at you. just off the wall, why you kept the child from him for the past 6 years.

 

[Littlest Angel]

the first part is sort of right...he did not make an effort to see my child which made it easier for me to keep him out of danger. he would want to see him once in a while but then he called with excuses that he had to do things...i didn't feel i had to be the one to push the issue because he is father and should know what responsibilities should be taken as one...besides it's not like i moved to another country, i still live in the same area, but he's never made an attempt, saying that it's my husband's fault, but it's not. my husband and i had no problem letting him see my child. in matter of fact my husband met him and he came twice, but like i said he showed pretty much no interest. so i did my life and he did his. i haven't contacted his family because they moved and i don't have that address. this is all stressing because at the same time i don't want to confuse my son because he knows hy husband as "Daddy" and i want things to gradually come...not because now the biological wants to be daddy he's going to throw my child's state of living off.

 

[Ambr]

just wanted you to see it from an outsiders view. hope you don't get mad on this one.

if i was your ex and i wanted to push for my visitation. i would try and show that you were making things difficult for me in my visitations. that you were making excuses everytime i attempted to see my child. that you were never offering any additional time that it was rigid to the court ordered visitation. that possible my work schedule didn't allow me that time and when i asked for other times you were uncooperative.

i would even push that you had gone has far as to let our child think that his stepdad is his father and you were pushing me out of the life of our child.

you talk about concern for the child, but the courts allowed the visitation - so the evidence you have must not have been damaging to him in court. so now you were taking it upon yourself to over ride the courts decision and deny access because you were afraid for your child. good reasons from a mom's point of view if something is there, but hurtful to you in court if you have already presented this information on him and it wasn't enough the first time for supervised or limited visitations.

you would need to show that you had done everything possible to keep the relationship with your son and his father. you need proof. phone records were you had the child call his father. witnesses that you have offered to work with him on his visitation schedule. anything to show that you were attempting to make a relationship with his father work.

 

[Littlest Angel]

hi ambr,

i understand everything u r saying, but i need to clear up a lot of things for u.

my son knows my husband as "daddy" because he was the only male figure in his life...how can u explain to a one year old that that is not daddy that your real daddy is not around because god knows why.

his "real" daddy had never had vistitation rights given to him by any court. he was the one who stop contact and now after almost 6 years he wants to see him, without going to court. but i'm going to play it by the courts, because i knew the person he was 6 years ago and did not like what it had become for my child and i don't know him now enough to allow my child to go with him anywhere. he's not talking visiting, he wants to take him to his new home on the weekends. as a mother i would never allow that until i see what he is all about.

as far as the court goes...i did not get to speak much, because as i said the referee was very arrogant and did not pay mind...i had explained to her i wanted sole custody because the father had not been in the child's life and i wanted to continue taking care of my child without the fear of one day this man coming and saying "well i am his father and by law i could take him..." my friend had this happen to her where her ex had come with the police and they physical removed the 2 girls and gave them to him for an hour. i would have a heart attack if that would happen. that's why i asked u if u knew any website that gives me in detail the rights of a biological father in wedlock situation. i have tried the search but i get all this other stuff.

so i hope u get the situation a little better...he has not been given any visitation rights by the court...he doesn't want to go to court...i was unable to tell the referee about the dangers i felt my child would be in if he were able to take him in the past...she really did not care she just wanted him served. plus she had this court officer try to convince me that the reason i should be there is to file child support because no man biological or not can take the child...anyway i want to assure i have custody and if he wants visitation he has to go to court and prove to me, as well as, the judge why he deserves it. he should of thought about he child when he was born and not when now it itches him...

thanx for your advice...please continue with it.

 

[Ambr]

do a search for "fathers rights" or "paternal rights" this should give you several links to companies or organizations that help father understand their basic rights.

http://www.winchildcustody.com/gtcustody.htm
http://dadsrights.org/
http://www.fathersrightsinc.com/
http://www.fathershelpline.com/
http://www.fathers-rights.com/
http://www.fathersrc.com/

a link that helps with parenting plans with absent parents. this is a pay service site, but if it comes down to court it may be useful.

http://www.custodyplans.com/step0.cfm