child custody

[Ashlee1443]

North Carolina

Hi, I have a few questions regarding child custody.

I am 20 years old, and during my pregnancy and birth of my son, my son's father was not in the picture. He did not sign my son's birth certificate, and my child does not have his father's last name. My son is now 22 months old, and his father is still not involved. My father's son does, however, pay court-ordered child support. Just out of curiosity, there were not court preceedings to determine child custody, but is it understood that I am my son's custodial parent, because he lives with me and does not visit with his father? My question is this-do I legally have sole custody of my son, just because he lives with me? Or do you have to have papers saying that you are legally the custodial parent? I know that I am considered the custodial parent, and he is the non-custodial parent, but I was wondering if that was written in stone or not. Would it mean that I am the custodial parent unless the father took me to court and tried to get custody? Also, what exactly are my rights as a custodial parent? Just wondering...Thanks!North Carolina

 

[ks mom]

If I were you, I would get court papers stating that YOU have sole custody... If the baby's father is sneaky, in a few years he could try to file for custody, because there are no papers filed at the present time. I would get this done as soon as possible...
Hope I have helped, if even a little. (I have custody of my children, so I know!!)

Good Luck!

 

[buka]

If he was court-ordered to pay child support, then at some point you must have been named the custodial parent.

 

[Ashlee1443]

Buka,
I filed for child support through my local Child Support Enforcement office, so there were never any court preceedings or anything. I understand what you mean, but my point was that I know that I am referred to as the "custodial parent" but my son's father and I never signed any papers, nor was it ever discussed at any of my child support meetings. All that was ever determined was that my son does live with me and not his father. And Ksmom, you are absolutely right...my son's father is sneaky, so maybe I should have papers drawn "just in case"....Thanks for your replies.

 

[ks mom]

And Ksmom, you are absolutely right...my son's father is sneaky, so maybe I should have papers drawn "just in case"....Thanks for your replies. [/B]

Yeah, it would be better to be safe than sorry....I would hate to see anyone lose their child, due to paperwork not being filed. Good luck to you!!

 

[smh33]

I am assuming never married to father....In many states , children born out of wedlock are automatically the legal custodian UNTIL paternity is proven and custody order in place. I am curious as to how he got court ordered support obligation without a proof of paternity...unless he agreed. Support obligation,regardless of paternity can be established in some states just by relation with child as in a father role and/or paying support willing...it is like bio or not..one is self assuming the responsibility & once assumed, one cannot just leave.
I wonder why you asking...does he visit? In N.C. no support/custody order is absolute...unless rights signed away...one parent can always pursue visitation/custody change within certain guidelines.....whether the judge changes such is whole different story. Don't know what you mean by sneaky but, if you have no court order specifing custody and visitation(if to be any) schedule...YOU NEED TO GET IT.....NOW. Don't know where u r in N.C. but, my city's judges really look down on not having an order. You need to file a motion...costs the charge of court..?$40-75?....if possible get a lawyer. Call Legal Aid...is in N.C....has lawyers for free based on your income or will work for small fee. You will need someone to draft your custody/visitation agreement and help you address the many things you will not think of. If not poss....find a friend with a custody order & use thiers as a guideline for what to ask judge for...have a plan...don't go to court expecting judge to figure out your problems. Don't wait for ex to file...probably won't until has something to use against you if ex that sneaky. Do not refuse visitation, especially if you get support from him...if he wants no visits then run to court house and get it while you can if thats what you want. You are custodial but, you are not the only parent and unless court specifies, you cannot deny other parent rights to child...again if they want. Be wary also of the...ex never wanted to see,suddenly in court claiming tried all time & u refused...and it's just he/she said.
Document now how visit schedule is...send letters saying today is 1 month u have not visited or this month u visited 3 times and specify. The judge is going to rule wherever there is more effort and evidence....good luck

 

[jodyperry]

just fyi in iowa being paid support does not me you have sole custody i know i am a child care provider a man came to my house with police and took a child out of my home in the very situation you are trying to avoid. the mother was recieving support but no court order was in place saying who the child leagly lived with. then she had to go to court the get the child back. My advice to you is to grab a lawyer and get it done b4 this happens. the post b4 me had some great ideas on getting a lawyer. hope you have no problems and good luck
jody

 

[smh33]

jodyperry..thanks for saying my post had some good ideas on lawyers. I did not mean to imply this person definately had custody...just wonder and wanted to make point that in many states if a child is born out of wedlock...sole legal custody does go to the mother...as I said until paternity proven,custody order in place. Don't know about Iowa but, I just wondered if that was why she/he assumed sole custody. Seems, and I don't quite get how suppoet ordered if paternity not proven and if paternity proven...why visitation/custody not pursued? Kinda backwards courts can order support yet not pursue,endorse,encourage visitation if what other parent wants.?
Also for you, do not understand on what authority police could remove a child if no order in place? Just on the word of a parent, one parent....most police will not do that. I divorced, no order and ex took child out of state w/o notice or permission..police would/did nothing...without order, said we were equal..they could not say other parent or my self...which is right because both considered parents just as if married. Think post said located in N.C. not Iowa. Good luck in your situation.