Child is 12 and left scheduled visitation

[buka]

What is the name of your state? Minnesota

Ok, it's been awhile since I've posted, but I've got a sticky situation:

My son is 12 and he was at NCP's house for scheduled weekend visit. NCP was fighting with child's half-sibling, threathening to throw him (10 year-old) out of the house, throwing things...my son jumped in to defend his half-brother, got yelled at, was told the whole thing was his fault, etc. My son called MY mother (who lives within 5 minutes of NCP) and asked her to come get him right away. He didn't tell NCP he was leaving, he just left. NCP called my mother's house and told my son he had to come back because it was court-order visitation.
Son was sobbing and wanted to come home. My mother dropped him off with me.

My son asked me to call and tell NCP that he wasn't coming back. I did so and now it's turned into a big "You're denying me my visitation" thing, with NCP telling my son that I had no right to keep him and I will get in trouble with the court, etc. (Court is a frequent threat that NCP uses)

Do I have anything to worry about? What is the legally correct way I should have handled this? I really believe my son did not feel safe and that's why he left.

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Inaminute]

I know nothing of the legal system...but just personally (not even worth 2 cents ; ) ), I would have maybe gotten the police involved so that no claim of abduction could be made and you would have a non-biased witness to the decision making.
BUT...IF, that's IF, he goes thru with his threat and takes you to court, your son can be questioned and you mother for what happened. You may want to HOPE he takes you to court...could be a good time to have the custody/visitation order revamped by the courts since there's an actual incident that shows the child in question feeling unsafe is his father's presence!!

 

[Born to Lease]

I went through a similar situation in TX (1993). I waited more than 2 hours for my X to pick up our children and when he finally showed up he was intoxicated. I refused to allow him to take the kids, and he followed through with his threat & I was in deed found guilty of defying a court order...the fact that he was drunk & wanted to drive more than 40 miles to his house WITH MY CHILDREN was of no relevance. I should have called the police & had him arrested for DWI. (Of course, I did not know that until AFTER the fact.) I was ordered to pay $1,000 fine AND I spent 3 days in jail...pretty much the same punishment he would have faced if I had called the Police that night.

Several months later the same thing happened, he showed up drunk about an hour later than the 2-Hour "grace period" established as the time when he was supposed to pick up the kids for his visitation. Since "I had learned my lesson" I went back inside the house and called 911. Meanwhile he had grabbed the kids, put them in the car and left with them. By the time we were able to get the PD involved in the town where he lived, more than an hour had passed & he could not be charged with DWI because they did not "catch" him driving.

Fortunately my children were not harmed and eventually my X stopped driving while he was under the influence of alchohol (basically, he grew up) and everything turned out well. But it was a very hard thing to go through, knowing that my children were put in harm's way and there was little, or nothing, I could do about it.

The best thing to do in a situation such as this, should your son be in a position that prompts him to call your mother or someone else, is to instruct your son to "sit tight" while you call for police protection. Have the person, your mother or whomever, call 911 & inform the Policeof the potentially dangerous situation occuring at the X's address & that a child who is present called for help.

Unless you, your mother or someone else can provide evidence of proof that the situation put your son in immediate danger, the person, who "removed" the child from the X, will be in considered guilty of violating a court order.

Hang in there, it is not easy! Just remember, it is no easier to deal with these situations whenever you are also facing punishment for violating court orders.

 

[hjallge]

There is no excuse for violating a court order, and more than likely, you will be punished. Why didn't your mother talk to your son's dad before she took him? What if dad would have reported him missing to the police? So you mean to tell me that if your 12 year old son decided that he didn't want to go to school, that would be O.K. too?

Kids do not make these decisions, and parents that can't make things work without involving the courts have court orders to make these decisions for them.

 

[Cookie97128]

To Born to Lease: I am very sorry you had to watch your children be in danger with your ex. It's SOOO VERY wrong for you to go to jail for protecting your children.

To Buka: If your ex is screaming and throwing things, maybe you could file for modification of visitation. But, this would be a last resort option. Your child should not fear going to dad's for visitation. Has there been any violance in the past regarding dad? Against you? Your son? The other kids and their mother?
Court orders shouldn't be first... the safety of the children should always come first.

For future visits, you could make sure that your son carry an old cell phone.
ALL CELL PHONES THAT HAVE A CHARGED BATTERY WILL CONNECT WITH THE LOCAL 911.
No need for a paid or prepaid plan. Any phone with a charge. You can even pick one up at a thrift store.

 

[buka]

Thanks for the replies. I agree that the child's safety should come first, yet I do always try to abide by the court order.

There is a history of violence in the NCP's household, but this is the first time my son has ever actually taken it upon himself to leave (that's probably due more to his age now than the severity of this situation vs. past situations). In hindsight, I agree the situation could have been handled better by everyone involved. I think we were all caught off guard.

I don't know that anything happened yesterday that would stand up in court as abuse - but judging by my son's reaction to the situation, it was not a healthy place for him to be and I couldn't in good conscience send him right back there. He seemed more terrified of what would happen if he went back than anything else. If NCP decides to take this to court, I guess all I can do is explain my actions.

If anyone has an additional legal perspective, I would appreciate it. Thanks again.