Yes, at this point, I say to sit on it for a while. In court whoever request it, has to pay for it - its in the Code of Virginia. Just play cool like youve been. If the dna place stand by there testing, then just tell the x, Hey, I know who my kids father is. If you have questions or question my test results, then you can either, take the child for testing yourself (and let me know if you need a sample from me) or court order me to take it. I mean, like me, your child is 4. Too young to even TRY to explain any of this. And if he is the father, there is nothing to explain....right? And as of now, he is the father. Hes provided without a problem and you have a sibling test. Everything is on your side. Leave it alone. He is the father of your child. Test proved it. He's trying to rattle your cage. If he wants to continue to rattle it, he will have to pay for it financially in the court system and why do that if there is a chance that he might get out of paying support? go with your test unless the court forces you other wise. But in reality, if he is going to have to pay for it if its court ordered because he asked for it, what isthe difference then, in him goin on his own and taking the child on one of his visits to have him and the child tested and pay for it himself. Because they dont need YOU to take the test. He still pays for the test! Tell him that. Either way, he's paing for it. They dont need you for the test. Think about it.....If you wanted to know if your daughter was YOURS and not another womens, and lets say your a single mom, for example, you and the child would be tested. Same goes for him. If he wants to know if the child is his, he doesnt need a court order for you. He could just take the child and himself. The DNA places even say so. So why is he so hell bent on court ordering you?????Makes no sense. He's not thinking right. The only reason he would need to court order you, is if you were making it impossible for himto see the child so he could or if he wanted you to help pay for it. He's a mess!....
msfurman Also, a VA attny told me that I would not be responsible for paying back and money in support that he has paid because he knowingly continued to pay support even though there was doubt to the parentage. In our situation, we were not married, so we signed a Paternity Acknoweldgement inthe hospital. By signing that he was basically saying yes, he knows that he is being named as the father and that he will take responsibility of this child without a paternity test. Waiving paternity testing. Thus, he cant sue me for support.
I though of something else in your case that relates to the State of Virginia. You were marriedlegally when you conceived your child with the other man. IN Virginia, if you are legaly married, and you conceive during that marriage, legally an child conceived during the marriage is that of the husband. And the only way to combat that is through Paternity testing to prove otherwise. So inthe eys of the court, even if he is not the bio dad, they will impute it all on him because yall were married, unless, you or he proves why he shouldnt. If no other man is going to show up and "claim" the child, then, the courts will leave things the way they are. However the other post was right, that if he complained, he could be dismissed from paying support, but still get visitation. YOu just need to rpove why that is not in the childs best interest.
If yall both agree that nothing will change....child support, visitation, custody and at thispoint its purely about the child being able to know at a later date who his father is, then try to get him to do it pravely through DNA Diagnsotics.
Another thing. Are you SURE this man will never take you to court later in a couple years for Custody? Something to think about it, if he gets the urge to be a jerk, like my other childs father, and years later decides he wants custody, the only way to stop the actoin in its tracks for you, without a whole bunch of legal mess, would be a paternity test. An attny told me that biological parents will never lose custody to "third party" parents unless the third party (your x) can prove that your a prositutes, drug dealer, user.....bad mom. So maybe to save your self the headache, if he wants the daggon test, take it and keep the information. Because when that child is 11 years old and he decided he wants custody or attempt to, all you have to do is pull out paternity papers to show, he is not the bio dad. Just a little hint to think about. The Va. attny said, they would never take a child away from a bio parent unless they are just terrible. But as you know, couples fight all the time for custody and one parent loses custody thats had a child for something stupid in the law...a technicality or whatever. But if you have that test in hand, that is your protection.
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msfurman My situation is quite similar and I am in Va. So we should keep in touch on our situations. My post in dated 2/9/05 Paternity Help. I was in a relationship for 5 years. During a split, was seeing someone else, became pregnant. Got back together and at the time, didnt think that the baby could have belonged to boy#2. So when boy#1 and I got back together, I went along with, that he was dad. We split for perm. very soon after. He got into drugs and in jail for not paying support...etc. Well boy#2 comes along saying that he wants a paternity test cuz he still thinks its his child. Honestly, my son looks more like him. He's 4. I requested a court order for paternity test through Va. courts. I was scared that they would not order it since the child was so old now. But an attny told me that in 2000, they changed the law. That before, after the child reached a certain age, that you could not raise paternity. But now its changed and anyone at anytime for any reason can. That's number one. In my situation, the courts did not supoena the correct address, so he didnt show for the motion for genetic testing. However, when I told the judge that i was testing someone else (boy#2) privately, she just told me to bring the results back into court, gave me a new court date and said that she would look at them then. If they show that boy#2 is not the father, she will court order boy#1 to peternity test. The judge never asked me any questions as to why I wanted testing or anything. Now, to your other concerns, attny's have told me that I would need to prove that there is not a child/parent bond between boy#1 and child to stop the visitation. That even if he is found not to be the father, that the courts can still force visitation and support issues. In my situation, I think boy#2 is bio dad and thenI will motion the courts to dismiss all that has to do with custody, visitation,support.
It sounds like your ex doesnt REALLY know that he is not the father. Iagree with the other post, he wanted to see your reaction. NOw, Dad can do a paterinity test without you. They can do it with alleged father and child. They prefer to do mother, alleged father and child. But dont need mother. I went through DNA Diagnostic Center. They have a website. Look at it. It tells you everything. They are even court admissible. Youdont have to get a court order if he is willing to take it. I agree with you, if its not going to change the situation, then why force it. However, the court will be on your side in reference to a child should know who his father is. We hada court appointed Guardian Ad Litem, who basically backed me up on that. And is prepared to tell the court that if there is a quesiton is paternity, that the child should know. They will do the test if you ask, without too much question. I dont think your ex took the paternity test on his own. But it ispossible to do without your sample. Also, keep in mind, in VA, whoever request the test through the courts, has to pay for it. In Va, biological father weighs more than the non-biological. So, if your husband is found not to be the father and the real guy steps forward, your husband is though of as a third party and the wishes of the real bio dad take a front seat,m including visitation and custody and support. However, you said the other guy doesnt want any part of it. It could go one of these ways in court, If husband is found not to be the father, lets say, and the other man does not want to take his claim, and you show the court that there is a child/parent bond that would be detrimental to break if they dismiss cusotdy, support, visits, then they will IMPUTE him to be the real father and IMPUTE him to sontinue support and Order visitation. So, really, nothing would change in your situation, like you said. In my situation, I have a man who doesnt pay child support, admitted to past drug use and chlid abandonment etct..& other things........he is telling the court that there is a father/child bond, when there isnt one because he wants his mother to still see my son. Chances are, he will not get continued visitation and all matters before the court will be dropped because, the real dad will then want his time to bond. The real dad is prepared to step forward and say that by continuing visitation with this other man, it threatens his ability to create a parent/child bond. Etc. So hope some of this helps. I am in Va too and dealing with the same laws as you. But, your ex hasnt taken a daggon test. That was to test your reaction. Becasue if he really did, why would he need to go to the courts for a test?????? THink about it.
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