Child Support and Summer Visitation

[divorce4105]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania
My ex-husband and I agreed that we would split this summer with our 10 year old son (5 weeks each). Originally I had agreed to forgo the childcare portion of those 5 weeks as he has to pay for childcare when our son is with him. Now he says unless he can opt out of paying for child support totally for those 5 weeks he isn't going to take him because he can't afford it. Part of our summer agreement stipulates that our son must be in camp half the day as my ex works late afternoons and nights. If he doesn't go to camp, he will be stuck at home with ex-husband's elderly Mother without any friends or activities. Hence the camp stipulation.

When he told me he won't take him if he can't temporarily opt out of basic child support, I told him our son would be devastated and that he's very much looking forward to spending half the summer with his Dad. He told me that was my fault for telling him we had agreed to split the summer in the first place. Then I told him fine, I'll forgo all child support for those 5 weeks (even though I don't agree with that) but can we please average out the amount monthly instead of one lump sum. He said no deal, he wants it all at once.

Has anyone dealt with this? What would you do? Forgo all child support for those 5 weeks? Also, he barely spends any time with him to begin with. Every other weekend is it, and he even misses those sometimes too. I just get the feeling he wants the money, not the time with our son. Otherwise wouldn't he do what he needed to do to spend time with him? He also gets 6 weeks vacation per year and has only scheduled one week off during the 5 weeks he is supposed to have with our son.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania
My ex-husband and I agreed that we would split this summer with our 10 year old son (5 weeks each). Originally I had agreed to forgo the childcare portion of those 5 weeks as he has to pay for childcare when our son is with him. Now he says unless he can opt out of paying for child support totally for those 5 weeks he isn't going to take him because he can't afford it. Part of our summer agreement stipulates that our son must be in camp half the day as my ex works late afternoons and nights. If he doesn't go to camp, he will be stuck at home with ex-husband's elderly Mother without any friends or activities. Hence the camp stipulation.

When he told me he won't take him if he can't temporarily opt out of basic child support, I told him our son would be devastated and that he's very much looking forward to spending half the summer with his Dad. He told me that was my fault for telling him we had agreed to split the summer in the first place. Then I told him fine, I'll forgo all child support for those 5 weeks (even though I don't agree with that) but can we please average out the amount monthly instead of one lump sum. He said no deal, he wants it all at once.

Has anyone dealt with this? What would you do? Forgo all child support for those 5 weeks? Also, he barely spends any time with him to begin with. Every other weekend is it, and he even misses those sometimes too. I just get the feeling he wants the money, not the time with our son. Otherwise wouldn't he do what he needed to do to spend time with him? He also gets 6 weeks vacation per year and has only scheduled one week off during the 5 weeks he is supposed to have with our son.

There's no way any of us could tell us what you should do - it's up to you.

 

[Ladyback1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania
My ex-husband and I agreed that we would split this summer with our 10 year old son (5 weeks each). Originally I had agreed to forgo the childcare portion of those 5 weeks as he has to pay for childcare when our son is with him. Now he says unless he can opt out of paying for child support totally for those 5 weeks he isn't going to take him because he can't afford it. Part of our summer agreement stipulates that our son must be in camp half the day as my ex works late afternoons and nights. If he doesn't go to camp, he will be stuck at home with ex-husband's elderly Mother without any friends or activities. Hence the camp stipulation.

When he told me he won't take him if he can't temporarily opt out of basic child support, I told him our son would be devastated and that he's very much looking forward to spending half the summer with his Dad. He told me that was my fault for telling him we had agreed to split the summer in the first place. Then I told him fine, I'll forgo all child support for those 5 weeks (even though I don't agree with that) but can we please average out the amount monthly instead of one lump sum. He said no deal, he wants it all at once.

Has anyone dealt with this? What would you do? Forgo all child support for those 5 weeks? Also, he barely spends any time with him to begin with. Every other weekend is it, and he even misses those sometimes too. I just get the feeling he wants the money, not the time with our son. Otherwise wouldn't he do what he needed to do to spend time with him? He also gets 6 weeks vacation per year and has only scheduled one week off during the 5 weeks he is supposed to have with our son.

Really? You are gonna whine about how your Ex uses his vacation days? How do you know that the company allows employees to take consecutive weeks of vacation? How do you know if your EX put in for vacation? How do you know that other people aren't off those other weeks, and your Ex CAN NOT take any other time?

Is this a hill worth dying on???

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania
My ex-husband and I agreed that we would split this summer with our 10 year old son (5 weeks each). Originally I had agreed to forgo the childcare portion of those 5 weeks as he has to pay for childcare when our son is with him. Now he says unless he can opt out of paying for child support totally for those 5 weeks he isn't going to take him because he can't afford it. Part of our summer agreement stipulates that our son must be in camp half the day as my ex works late afternoons and nights. If he doesn't go to camp, he will be stuck at home with ex-husband's elderly Mother without any friends or activities. Hence the camp stipulation.

When he told me he won't take him if he can't temporarily opt out of basic child support, I told him our son would be devastated and that he's very much looking forward to spending half the summer with his Dad. He told me that was my fault for telling him we had agreed to split the summer in the first place. Then I told him fine, I'll forgo all child support for those 5 weeks (even though I don't agree with that) but can we please average out the amount monthly instead of one lump sum. He said no deal, he wants it all at once.

Has anyone dealt with this? What would you do? Forgo all child support for those 5 weeks? Also, he barely spends any time with him to begin with. Every other weekend is it, and he even misses those sometimes too. I just get the feeling he wants the money, not the time with our son. Otherwise wouldn't he do what he needed to do to spend time with him? He also gets 6 weeks vacation per year and has only scheduled one week off during the 5 weeks he is supposed to have with our son.

In my opinion it would be a bad precedent to start.

 

[divorce4105]

Really? You are gonna whine about how your Ex uses his vacation days? How do you know that the company allows employees to take consecutive weeks of vacation? How do you know if your EX put in for vacation? How do you know that other people aren't off those other weeks, and your Ex CAN NOT take any other time?

Is this a hill worth dying on???

I know this information because a) I used to work for the same company and I know the policies and b) because he told me

 

[LdiJ]

Really? You are gonna whine about how your Ex uses his vacation days? How do you know that the company allows employees to take consecutive weeks of vacation? How do you know if your EX put in for vacation? How do you know that other people aren't off those other weeks, and your Ex CAN NOT take any other time?

Is this a hill worth dying on???

I think this response is a little over the top. That isn't her main issue at all. Her main issue is that dad is threatening not to take his summer parenting time unless she forgoes all child support during that period. Since that is NOT how child support works, its inappropriate for him to insist on that.

 

[Ladyback1]

I think this response is a little over the top. That isn't her main issue at all. Her main issue is that dad is threatening not to take his summer parenting time unless she forgoes all child support during that period. Since that is NOT how child support works, its inappropriate for him to insist on that.

You would be wrong....Child support CAN work like that. Just like some teachers spread out their salary over 12 mo, versus the 9 mo.(or so) school year. Child support can be crafted to cover 12 mo, 10 mo, 11, mo. etc.

 

[divorce4105]

I think this response is a little over the top. That isn't her main issue at all. Her main issue is that dad is threatening not to take his summer parenting time unless she forgoes all child support during that period. Since that is NOT how child support works, its inappropriate for him to insist on that.

Correct. I would love it if he took him for 5 weeks because my son is so excited about it and he should spend more time with his Dad. Plus, just because he's taking him for 5 weeks doesn't mean my mortgage gets put on hold, which is one of the things child support contributes to.

Additionally, I think it's really sad/disgusting to monetize the time you spend with your children. It would be like me asking for money for each weekend he bails out on.

 

[Zigner]

You would be wrong....Child support CAN work like that. Just like some teachers spread out their salary over 12 mo, versus the 9 mo.(or so) school year. Child support can be crafted to cover 12 mo, 10 mo, 11, mo. etc.

Yes, it's true that it can be set up that way. However, in this case, it is not set up that way.

 

[Zigner]

Correct. I would love it if he took him for 5 weeks because my son is so excited about it and he should spend more time with his Dad. Plus, just because he's taking him for 5 weeks doesn't mean my mortgage gets put on hold, which is one of the things child support contributes to.

Additionally, I think it's really sad/disgusting to monetize the time you spend with your children. It would be like me asking for money for each weekend he bails out on.

Honestly, I don't think it's an unreasonable request for him to make if it's a starting point for negotiations. Your order did not contemplate this approximately 8%-10% difference in the time-sharing arrangements.

 

[Ladyback1]

Yes, it's true that it can be set up that way. However, in this case, it is not set up that way.

yep, I know that in this case it isn't.

I was responding to Ldji saying that child support doesn't work that way.

I guess it would be more important to me for my child to have a positive relationship with their father, than to get into a disagreement over 1.5 mo. of child support.

(and yes, it has taken me several years and a couple of significant health issues to see things this way....)

 

[divorce4105]

yep, I know that in this case it isn't.

I was responding to Ldji saying that child support doesn't work that way.

I guess it would be more important to me for my child to have a positive relationship with their father, than to get into a disagreement over 1.5 mo. of child support.

(and yes, it has taken me several years and a couple of significant health issues to see things this way....)

It is important to me that my child has a positive relationship with his father, which is why I go out of my way to make it happen whenever possible. I have never spoken poorly about his Father to him, he is invited over for holidays, birthdays and special events. He can call him whenever he likes and I always remind his Dad he can take him on unscheduled weekends if he likes (his Dad takes advantage of none of these things). But I also want him to learn personal responsibility (which his Dad doesn't take or demonstrate) and that he shouldn't let other people take advantage of him (like his Dad does of me). He's getting old enough now that he notices things and starts asking questions. I'm getting tired of glossing over the who/what/when/whys of why his Dad isn't around and think maybe it's time to let him realize who his Dad really is. If he asks why he can't spend 5 weeks with his Dad, then his Dad should explain to him personally why he REALLY oh so BADLY wants to spend the time with him but just can't afford it. Give me a break.

 

[Zigner]

It is important to me that my child has a positive relationship with his father, which is why I go out of my way to make it happen whenever possible. I have never spoken poorly about his Father to him, he is invited over for holidays, birthdays and special events. He can call him whenever he likes and I always remind his Dad he can take him on unscheduled weekends if he likes (his Dad takes advantage of none of these things). But I also want him to learn personal responsibility (which his Dad doesn't take or demonstrate) and that he shouldn't let other people take advantage of him (like his Dad does of me). He's getting old enough now that he notices things and starts asking questions. I'm getting tired of glossing over the who/what/when/whys of why his Dad isn't around and think maybe it's time to let him realize who his Dad really is. If he asks why he can't spend 5 weeks with his Dad, then his Dad should explain to him personally why he REALLY oh so BADLY wants to spend the time with him but just can't afford it. Give me a break.

I suppose this is the hill for you then...

 

[LdiJ]

yep, I know that in this case it isn't.

I was responding to Ldji saying that child support doesn't work that way.

I guess it would be more important to me for my child to have a positive relationship with their father, than to get into a disagreement over 1.5 mo. of child support.

(and yes, it has taken me several years and a couple of significant health issues to see things this way....)

If child support is paid through a state CSE, it cannot be set up that way. It can only be set up that way if the parties are not using the services of the CSE...and that is fairly rare these days.

Abatements during periods of extended visitation used to be common. However, every state I know of that regularly used abatements in the past have abandoned them in favor of parenting time credits in the overall child support calculation.

 

[stealth2]

It is important to me that my child has a positive relationship with his father, which is why I go out of my way to make it happen whenever possible. I have never spoken poorly about his Father to him, he is invited over for holidays, birthdays and special events. He can call him whenever he likes and I always remind his Dad he can take him on unscheduled weekends if he likes (his Dad takes advantage of none of these things). But I also want him to learn personal responsibility (which his Dad doesn't take or demonstrate) and that he shouldn't let other people take advantage of him (like his Dad does of me). He's getting old enough now that he notices things and starts asking questions. I'm getting tired of glossing over the who/what/when/whys of why his Dad isn't around and think maybe it's time to let him realize who his Dad really is. If he asks why he can't spend 5 weeks with his Dad, then his Dad should explain to him personally why he REALLY oh so BADLY wants to spend the time with him but just can't afford it. Give me a break.

"I don't know, buddy." is a perfectly reasonable response.