Again, you are making assumptions about the dad. Who said that dad isn't willing to pay for child support? In my previous posting, I had indicated that it was my mistake to question what is the minimum. Instead the real question is what are the factors in calculating child support. What is wrong with educating yourself to know how it is calculated? Instead, you go on bashing about the dad should worry about the children's well being and not about money. What makes you know so much about the dad's state of mind? What makes you think he is going to leave his wife with nothing? What makes you think he is going to leave his children with nothing?ceara19 said:So, let me see if I have this right. Dad thinks the kids will be better off with mom because she has more time to spend with them. BUT, dad doesn't think he should have to pay for the fact that mom has no job skills and has a hard time finding a decent job that pays well AND allows her all this free time to spend with the kids?
Let me explain something, and again please don't take this personally, for mom to go out and AQUIRE the skills needed to even GET a job that pays HALF what dad makes is going to take time AND money. This time & money will have to come from somewhere, most likely away from the kids. Now, not only does dad not have time to raise the kids, neither does mom. Which makes the whole custody/support argument pointless.
So, why don't you help your friend find a good lawyer and leave it at that. Again, no offense, but you don't have any children, you are not in any way involved in the upbringing of THESE children. So it would probably be best if you stay out of the situation before you make it worse than it already is. It sounds to me as if DAD isn't the one that has a problem making sure mom can financially afford to raise the kids. It's easy to look at a situation from the outside and judge, but when you don't know first hand how much it takes to raise a happy, healthy child you shouldn't try to help.
I know many adults raised by divorced parent that grew into happy adults. Most of the time it was because BOTH parents were involved with the children and looked out for what was best. Not because they argued that one of them should be doing or paying more. I know people raised by only ONE parent who grew up just fine also.
The point is not ALL children raised by divorced & single parents grow up to be 'bad'. But there is a higher likelihood that they will if one or both parents constantly badmouth the other. "Your mother's trying to bleed me dry", Your father doesn't care if we get thrown in the street", etc. And even then not all of these children will go astray. As adults a large number of them will use it as a crutch. Some of them will just see it as another hurdle to overcome. When a person becomes an adult it is up to them to make thier own choices. They can choose to be a better person or they can choose to use thier childhood as an excuse. "I'm a bad parent because this is how I was raised" or "I'm going to be a better parent than I ever had".
So really your mothers past, your future, my present situation all have NO BEARING on this situaltion. If dad doesn't mind paying child and spousal support, leave him alone. Don't jump in saying, "You shouldn't have to pay that much". It will only lead to animosity. You are also looking at the possibility of losing someone you consider "A close friend" because of you meddling.
I don't have children but who said I am butting into his business about how he should raise his kids? If being a concern friend is consider butting into his business, then what does that make you? I do not make decision for him at all. I will only suggest things WHEN HE ASK ME.
Do you really think a person must have experience before raising a child? Well, I guess millions of families out there should not even consider in bringing a child into this world due to their lack of first hand knowledge (according to your statement).
The friends I know grew up in a broken family with their dad dissappeared off the face of this earth. What have they become now? Top executives. I personally grew up partially in a single parent family. My mom was working to support the family so all I had were my grandma, aunts and uncles. Are you saying it was terrible of my mom to leave me under the care of my grandma, aunts, and uncles? You may already have this "ideal" way of raising a child but your idealistic view may only apply to a very few percentage of families out there. This is 2005, most families have both parents working. Why do they have to work? To provide an even better living for their children thus neglecting their children's upbringing. We all have to change with the time. When you are only given three choices: hiring a nanny, having your mother take care of your child, or leave the child alone at home. What would you chose?
Yes, there are so many WONDERFUL books about how to raise your children. Are you just going to follow every single step on raising your children? I wonder if they have "How to raise a child for dummies" book. Before any of these books were published, I wonder how others raised their children. To me I feel it's about instinct. If you were raised right (socially accepted) then you continue to pass that on to the next generation.
Seriously, parents have a lot to do with a child's future but that's only 50% of it. The rest is up to the child. You can provide everything to a child but if this child has zero motivation in making it in the world, what can you do? Do you want to continue taking care of your child when they are in their 30s and 40s?
You did make an excellent point about bad mouthing each other. According to what I have heard, she has been polluting the kids mind to the point that his kids doesn't even want to spend time with him. Isn't that sad? Here I see a grown man cry about how his kids are so distant from him. He has taken time off to spend time here and there with them but I think the mom has polluted enough in their mind to a point of no return. He wants to spend the time with his kids also but do you think it's possible if he is the sole provider of the family? By the time he gets home from work it's already kids bed time.
Your assumption is WRONG again about me meddling into his business with alimony and child support. Again, I never told him how much he should give to her and the child. That is absolutely between him and his wife to deal with. If you have read my previous statement, you would have figure that out by now before making the wrong assumption once again.
Again, all what you are saying is subjective. Please give me some facts and not your assumptions to the table. Much appreciated.