Child Support

[kolb]

What is the name of your state? ND

My boyfriend's x-bitch *oops* I mean x-wife has hired a lawyer through Legal Aid to come after him for all the money she can get. Is this true: that judges automatically go by your income from a year ago, not the current income. I ask because my boyfriend made more last year than this year. He also hired a lawyer. My beau works out of town doing long hard shifts and is gone for days at a time. I hardly get to be with him because when when he IS home his three kids hoard all his attention and money. His ex already get 1/2 of his paycheck PLUS all the kids are covered under HIS health insurance. Now she wants MORE. The kids don't ever see a penny of it. We have to give them the money and buy them clothes ourselves. Thank God I still have somewhat of an income. We've thought about one option: that he quit his current job that pays twice as much as any in-town job to stay home more which would mean I would finally get to spend time with him. If he does do that, will the judge go by his new job income or still his old one? Or are we both screwed, along with the kids? Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Whyte Noise]

What is the name of your state? ND

I hardly get to be with him because when when he IS home his three kids hoard all his attention and money.

And what would you have him do? Ignore his children, and spend all his money on you?

I was going to respond to your post with advice, but once I read that, I changed my mind. Perhaps someone else will be willing to help you though.

 

[haiku]

I will tackle this one MG!

To the OP:

RUN GIRL! and never look back!......



hows that!

 

[stealth2]

Sure, he can quit his job and take a lower-paying one. And then find that a judge finds him voluntarily underemployed and not change his child support obligation.

I must say that I think it's terrible to see a father who spends all of his available time with his children. How dare they hoard all of his time and money? The nerve of them! Don't they understand that he needs his good down-home lovin'? Sheesh! In case I was too subtle, that was typed with a sarcastic tone. Haiku is completely correct - run far and fast, and find a man with no baggage. His children, and ultimately your "beau", will thank you.

 

[kolb]

The judges here are very harsh. It's seems they usually favor the mothers over fathers. And it makes us both sad and mad that the mother spends his hard earned money on herself instead of the 3 kids. I do feel very sorry for him. He NEEDS me to stay. Besides, I love him. Anyways, my boyfriend and I had a long talk last night. We've decided to take them in to our custody. I'm not ready for this but I hope we can handle it. They're very rebellious right now so it's not going to be easy for either of us that's for sure.

 

[haiku]

The judges here are very harsh. It's seems they usually favor the mothers over fathers. And it makes us both sad and mad that the mother spends his hard earned money on herself instead of the 3 kids. I do feel very sorry for him. He NEEDS me to stay. Besides, I love him. Anyways, my boyfriend and I had a long talk last night. We've decided to take them in to our custody. I'm not ready for this but I hope we can handle it. They're very rebellious right now so it's not going to be easy for either of us that's for sure.

and so...(I guess my excellent advice went in one ear and out the other...)

how are "you" going to go about "getting them in our custody"?

 

[kolb]

No. You're advice didn't go 'in one ear and out the other'. I told him I don't know if I can handle it, that I might break down and want to leave. I already have thought about leaving. He knows that is a possibility. He says if I really love him I will stick it out with him. We're really good to his kids. We get them something whenever they need it. I guess my beau will just have to convince the judge that we're fit to take them in.

 

[stealth2]

I guess my beau will just have to convince the judge that we're fit to take them in.

Actually, he will have to convince the judge that SHE is unfit. That's not the easiest thing in the world to do.

 

[hexeliebe]

The judges here are very harsh. It's seems they usually favor the mothers over fathers.

Well then report them to Oprah. Because they are supposed to be favoring the CHILDREN. Just so happens that most children live with mommy.

And it makes us both sad and mad that the mother spends his hard earned money on herself instead of the 3 kids.

Yep, would steam me too to see her spending it on food, shelter, heat in the winder and air conditioning in the summer. And GOD FORBID she treat herself to a night out after taking care of the kiddies all week.

And we won't even talk about toys, clothing, the ocassional treat and child care, medical, yada, yada, yada.

I do feel very sorry for him. He NEEDS me to stay.

And why would that be? So you can make him feel even worse about his situation? So you can support him by constantly reminding him of his ex-bitch. (Your words, not mine or his).

sorry honey, but your special brand of lovin ain't that special.

Anyways, my boyfriend and I had a long talk last night. We've decided to take them in to our custody.

That's very sweet of you. And what does the judge say about all of this. Last I heard you have no say in the matter whatsoever. And even if he "decides" to take them, he's going to have to fight tooth and nail.

They're very rebellious right now so it's not going to be easy for either of us that's for sure

And you think bringing them into your home is going to change all of that? Get real. Children of divorce act out. That's a fact of life. Either through lying, drugs, alcohol or behavioral problems. They can be minor or major. It depends largely on the relationship the ex-parents have and those around them.

I feel for these kids. Because if you think your dear hubby is not going to spend as much or more time and money on them when you "get them" then you have your head someplace it shouldn't be.

And if he doesn't then the big losers will be the children.

Yep lady, you're a prize alright. I disagree with MG on this one. You shouldn't run, your boyfriend should. Far and fast.

 

[stealth2]

How old are these kids?

 

[kolb]

The kids are 12, 13-1/2 and 15 yrs. old.

 

[stealth2]

The older two are likely old enough to speak with the judge and make their wishes known. That could go either way for Dad.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Hexidiot...

Quit showing your ignorance. This is an issue between the mother and father. Your posturing isn't proving anything except that you need to deal with your own issues.

Now go slink off to your own little corner of the world.


Funny how you are such a hypocrite.

Kolb, don't let negative posts like the one from Hex discourage you. Take what you can from the other posters, and do what you feel you need to.

This is my only issue:
"He says if I really love him I will stick it out with him."

Dang, what a thing to say.

 

[reggi]

child support

I live in Upstate New York and am going through basically everything that your boyfriends ex is going through. However, I am a female, divorced from my ex for a little over a year and married to him for 12, together for 16. I am on disability because of him. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, anxiety disorder, and depression. I have not been to work since June 24 2003. I used to be a very public person, now I can't stand to be out in the public past noon. When my ex sued me for child support, (we have joint custody, he has physical) that will be told in a later post (that was a big mistake on my part), I was making a little over 18K. My ex is worth 540K. I had to pay him 150.00 every two weeks out of my paycheck. It wasn't too bad until my boyfriend was out of work in June as well, (he is now back to work). (I have a post on his situation in Employment - hiring and firing) Everything was resting on me at this time and I was watching my back to see if anyone was watching etc. Needless to say, he won in court because he has a very conniving attorney(whose reputation is well known with drugs etc) anyways I decided to file a petition to either suspend or reduce the payments. Needless to say, we did not win yet. I was forced to go on Social Services for about two months until I started receiving my checks), my boyfriend and I literally did not have any food in the house at this time. Tensions are high. Everytime I turn around, my ex is watching me. My boyfriend and I don't socialize because somehow it gets back to him that I am out. If I buy beer at our local market, it gets back to him. I am seeing a therapist and a psychiartrist as well as my attorney and domestic abuse. Believe me I wish I could face him and tell him what I think of him but it is of no use, he uses it against me. I will call him to let him know what is going on with our daughter and ask if he will call me back and when he doesn't, his response is "I don't have to jump everytime you call" yet I have to jump at every time he calls, because his attorney will find out. Even if your boyfriend quits his job, unless he files for a change in status, then the amount that is required has to be paid. It is tough. I am not sure about the laws where you are, but NYS law is tough. I have to pay my ex 17% of my gross income and if not, it comes out at tax time, my license gets suspended, etc. It seems that in the county that I am in, the Support Magistrate sides with the male in every case. Where is the justice there? His attorney also wants me to curb my visitation because of my "mental illness". Custody and child support are two different things

 

[hexeliebe]

Well now fjgay, did we get our feelings hurt?

So tell me great one. Where in all of this does this woman have a LEGAL right to do anything?

This is after all, a legal forum. Now I know since you have all the answers you'll know this one.