Child visitation of newborn

[vtmommi]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Vermont

Sorry in advance for the length, but I want to include all details...
Child was born 1 month ago, and I (mommy) am the only one on the birth certificate. I am not receiving any child support, nor have a visitation plan in place at the moment. The father and I are not together and I have no plans of being with him.

Now, I have let him see her since day 1. He asks to come over usually every other day, sometimes every 2 days. He stays for about 2 hours. I have only said no about twice, due to her being extremely tired once and we had other plans we couldn't change them.

I gave him the option of a schedule for Tuesdays and Fridays 5pm to 7pm and Sundays 3pm to 6pm, since this is about every other day that works with both of our schedules. He ignored me and is now saying he is getting a lawyer because he wants to see her everyday.

He runs an "illegal business" on the side and once left for a weekend and blamed me that he did not get to see her for 4 days straight. I am exclusively nursing, and do not want him to be at my house every single day. What are some likely situations a judge would present schedule wise and custody wise if it gets to court?

Thanks in advance!!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Vermont

Sorry in advance for the length, but I want to include all details...
Child was born 1 month ago, and I (mommy) am the only one on the birth certificate. I am not receiving any child support, nor have a visitation plan in place at the moment. The father and I are not together and I have no plans of being with him.

Now, I have let him see her since day 1. He asks to come over usually every other day, sometimes every 2 days. He stays for about 2 hours. I have only said no about twice, due to her being extremely tired once and we had other plans we couldn't change them.

I gave him the option of a schedule for Tuesdays and Fridays 5pm to 7pm and Sundays 3pm to 6pm, since this is about every other day that works with both of our schedules. He ignored me and is now saying he is getting a lawyer because he wants to see her everyday.

He runs an "illegal business" on the side and once left for a weekend and blamed me that he did not get to see her for 4 days straight. I am exclusively nursing, and do not want him to be at my house every single day. What are some likely situations a judge would present schedule wise and custody wise if it gets to court?

Thanks in advance!!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

What you are proposing is very similar to what a judge would order to start out with. There is virtually no chance that a judge would order what dad wants.

However, please understand that the schedule will progress fairly quickly into dad have that same sort of schedule outside of your home, then for longer visits, and then to overnights and a more standard schedule fairly quickly as well.

 

[vtmommi]

What you are proposing is very similar to what a judge would order to start out with. There is virtually no chance that a judge would order what dad wants.

However, please understand that the schedule will progress fairly quickly into dad have that same sort of schedule outside of your home, then for longer visits, and then to overnights and a more standard schedule fairly quickly as well.

About how old are they when the father starts to get visitation outside of the home if I am still nursing? And will the judge order him to be put on the birth certificate if this ends up in court?

 

[nextwife]

About how old are they when the father starts to get visitation outside of the home if I am still nursing? And will the judge order him to be put on the birth certificate if this ends up in court?

You can pump. Nursing will not prevent visitation away from you.

What will you do when you return to work? Won't you need to pump for the baby's day care in just about three months, unless your employer's leave time is longer than that?

 

[InfantCustody]

About how old are they when the father starts to get visitation outside of the home if I am still nursing? And will the judge order him to be put on the birth certificate if this ends up in court?

By the time it gets to a judge for temporary orders, Dad will get visitation outside of your home. That could be anywhere from a few weeks after dad files to a few months after Dad files. While breastfeeding "may" be given considerstion, you can forget about the judge requiring Dad to sit in your home because you are breastfeeding. They make breastpumps for that exact reason.

Since Dad is seeing her on a regular basis, he is not a strager to her. He could get anything from a few hours, a few days per week - to a few days per week. Even if his visitation starts at a few hours, as LD said, it will QUICKLY progress.

His "illegal business" didn't stop you from making a child with him and unless you can PROVE he is a danger to the child (which you would be unlikely to do at this point since you have been allowing him to see her) the judge isn't going to care.

Dad will be put on the birth certificate. Dad will have at a minimum joint legal custody (decision making) and unsupervised visitation. Dad will have rights. The sooner you accept that Dad will have rights, and that the child is shared between the two of you, the easier it will be for everyone.

My son receives only breastmilk, and has some serious health considerations, and will be 6 months old in about a week. Until 2 months, Dad visited in my home on a similar schedule to what you are using. From 2 months until 4 1/2 months, Dad got 6 hours 2x/wk away from my home. From 4 1/2 - 6 months, he got 9 am on day 1 until 4 pm on day 2 each week. Then another 6 hour visit on a third day during the week. As of this week-end...Dad will have him 48 hours per week. Yes, even a breastfed baby. The baby will be just fine, you will be just fine, and it becomes your new normal. I speak from experience.

Edited to add: Dad can forget about seeing the baby every day. If he wanted to see the child every day, he should have been married prior to procreating. The reality of a custody situation is that no one sees the child as much as they would like!

 

[InfantCustody]

I pump occasionally, although it does not really work. Also, I don't have to pump to go back to work since I only work nights 2 days a week, and my leave is for as long as I want. I also did not ask for alternatives to nursing, I asked for a guesstimate on how old a child is when the father starts to receive visits outside of my home, if nursing has nothing to do with that, then so be it.

As soon as he gets to court. I would say no later than 2 months of age. If the child is old enough to be in daycare, the child is old enough to see Dad without you sitting there with him. If you can't or won't pump - you will likely be told Dad can use formula.

Edited to add: What does the child eat 2 nights a week while you work?

 

[vtmommi]

How can a judge not care that someone has an entire room of marijuana plants in their house that they want to bring a child to? And the he thinks it is okay for a baby to be in a packed bar where everyone is drinking and yelling? That seems quite disturbing to me...

 

[InfantCustody]

How can a judge not care that someone has an entire room of marijuana plants in their house that they want to bring a child to? And the he thinks it is okay for a baby to be in a packed bar where everyone is drinking and yelling? That seems quite disturbing to me...

And I'm sure you have police reports to PROVE Dad has those marijuana plants in his house, right? When was he arrested? What was the outcome of the trial?

If you didn't file a police report, and Dad wasn't arrested and convicted, then it doesn't exist. The judge isn't going to believe you because "you say so!"

You don't know that dad will take the baby to a bar...by your own admission he has never had her away from your house. Even if he did...while most people would think it is inappropriate...it is a parenting difference. You can't control what Dad does with the baby on his time.

 

[vtmommi]

As soon as he gets to court. I would say no later than 2 months of age. If the child is old enough to be in daycare, the child is old enough to see Dad without you sitting there with him. If you can't or won't pump - you will likely be told Dad can use formula.

Edited to add: What does the child eat 2 nights a week while you work?

Haha. I feed her right before I leave for work and only work for 4 hours. And that was when I was attempting to pump so if she got hungry that was what she had...But I understand where you are coming from, if she can survive while I am away at work she can survive while I am away and Dad has her.

 

[vtmommi]

If you were in that situation, would you contact the police about it? I am in limbo, I do not want to get anyone in trouble, but it is something I am NOT comfortable with my child being around, and my child comes before him of course. What would you do if you were in a similar situation?

and to address the knowing about it before I had a child, you are right, i DID know about it, but I broke it off with him before I found out I was pregnant at 11 weeks, and I for sure thought once he knew, he would want to attempt to make an honest living.

 

[Antigone*]

If you were in that situation, would you contact the police about it? I am in limbo, I do not want to get anyone in trouble, but it is something I am NOT comfortable with my child being around, and my child comes before him of course. What would you do if you were in a similar situation?

and to address the knowing about it before I had a child, you are right, i DID know about it, but I broke it off with him before I found out I was pregnant at 11 weeks, and I for sure thought once he knew, he would want to attempt to make an honest living.

You can't have your cake and eat it too honey. If you don't want your child around an illegal drug operation then report it. If you don't then don't complain about the environment your child will be spending time in.

...that is WHEN dad is legally declared so. Until then you do know that you don't have to allow any type of visitation AND you are NOT entitled to any child support.

 

[nextwife]

If you were in that situation, would you contact the police about it? I am in limbo, I do not want to get anyone in trouble, but it is something I am NOT comfortable with my child being around, and my child comes before him of course. What would you do if you were in a similar situation?

and to address the knowing about it before I had a child, you are right, i DID know about it, but I broke it off with him before I found out I was pregnant at 11 weeks, and I for sure thought once he knew, he would want to attempt to make an honest living.

Depends. Do you want dad working, and potentally paying child support, or sitting in jail and perhaps less employable after?

Frankly, being in a house with growing pot plants is NOT likely to be damaging to the health of your child. In plant form, the plant is giving off oxygen, just like any houseplant. I'm an avid gardener, and many gardeners who like variety grow "lettuce leafed poppies", which do self seed like the dickens, but also have lovely curled edge leaves of a nice blue grey shade that creates texture and contrast in the garden. These also happen to be Opium poppies, which are legal to grow in flower form. My point is that an illegal drug doesn't necessarily mean the plant is dangerous to health in plant form. Illegal, yes, but not necessarilly a health risk.

As to the bar thing, here in Milwaukee, a Friday night tradition is the Friday Night Fish Fry. Many local bars have great Friday Fish Frys, and many familes DO take their kids and babies out with them, to a bar, for a Fish Fry. It's not unusual to see professional and non professional people toting the babies and kids, waiting in the bar, and dining on All You Can Eat beer battered fried fish (with fries, applesauce, marble rye bread and cole slaw).

 

[Ohiogal]

How can a judge not care that someone has an entire room of marijuana plants in their house that they want to bring a child to? And the he thinks it is okay for a baby to be in a packed bar where everyone is drinking and yelling? That seems quite disturbing to me...

So when did dad start this business? Oh and were you aware of said business when you boinked him? When you decided to carry the baby to term? What proof do you have?
Drinking is legal. How do you know the baby will be in a packed bar? Oh because dad goes there? Really?

 

[Ohiogal]

If you were in that situation, would you contact the police about it? I am in limbo, I do not want to get anyone in trouble, but it is something I am NOT comfortable with my child being around, and my child comes before him of course. What would you do if you were in a similar situation?

and to address the knowing about it before I had a child, you are right, i DID know about it, but I broke it off with him before I found out I was pregnant at 11 weeks, and I for sure thought once he knew, he would want to attempt to make an honest living.

COOL! So you were a conspirator and KNEW he was into pot and therefore you accepted that and decided he was perfect father material because you boinked him. How much have you smoked pot? What other drugs have you used?

Oh and you are also underemployed, you know that?

 

[Ohiogal]

You don't do drugs but you boinked someone you say grows it. Why would someone so straightlaced have put up with that? Carrying the baby to term does have a LOT to do with it. If you didn't think he was fit to parent then you should have or could have aborted. HOWEVER, boinking him, getting pregnant (when you had sex that was risking it) and then determining to give birth tells people that you consider him fit.