co dependent family behavior

[AlmostThere]

I have no intention moving back to where I came from, hence the reason for wanting to sell property where I used to live. Also, from my viewpoint saying I cannot force is another way of enabling my wife and adult children to continue living in a co-dependent situation, which I am currently funding financially, but am seeking advice on how to remove myself from that situation. I have mentioned many, many times to my wife and adult kids they are welcome to come where I live and I currently have housing available for long term stay for the entire family.

If you don't see a way to work with your wife, then your choices are divorce or allowing the house to go into foreclosure.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I have no intention moving back to where I came from, hence the reason for wanting to sell property where I used to live.
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I have mentioned many, many times to my wife and adult kids they are welcome to come where I live and I currently have housing available for long term stay for the entire family.

It's been 5 years.

Presumably you have commented more than once to your wife that you are not returning to Texas, so it seems pretty clear that she'd rather remain in Texas than live with you. Your adult kids are... adults. You have not indicated that any are disabled enough to need her to retain guardianship, so the issue is you and your wife.

Wherever you are, get an initial consult with lawyer to discuss divorce. Determine which state is the best to file in for your situation.

Part of a divorce action will address the division of marital property. This includes the house.

 

[klm1234]

A couple of questions to follow up on the threads, would a court in Texas in response to a house sale ever look closely or consider co-dependent behavior (between wife and adult kids) and is there ever an advantage to transfer a deed to an attorney that would represent my case?

 

[quincy]

A couple of questions to follow up on the threads, would a court in Texas in response to a house sale ever look closely or consider co-dependent behavior (between wife and adult kids) and is there ever an advantage to transfer a deed to an attorney that would represent my case?

I doubt any attorney you contact would want the deed to your house. I don’t even know why that would be something to consider.

The attorney you contact can, however and for a price, represent you in a divorce from your wife and help with the equitable division of your marital property, which would include your house.

There is no mental or physical health examination required before one can buy or sell a home so, no, “codependency” is not a factor looked at closely by a court when a house is purchased or sold. I don’t really know what you are talking about when you speak of codependency between your wife and adult children.

 

[Just Blue]

A couple of questions to follow up on the threads, would a court in Texas in response to a house sale ever look closely or consider co-dependent behavior (between wife and adult kids) and is there ever an advantage to transfer a deed to an attorney that would represent my case?

Would you clarify what exactly you mean by "co-dependent behavior"? Providing an example or two would be helpful. How old are these children as well.

Thank you.

 

[not2cleverRed]

would a court in Texas in response to a house sale ever look closely or consider co-dependent behavior (between wife and adult kids)

For a house sale? No. For determining a divorce settlement? Maybe. It depends on what the "co-dependence" is, and whether it is something that both parties should be responsible for. For example, a disabled adult who is incapable of living independently is viewed differently from an adult with a drug problem.

is there ever an advantage to transfer a deed to an attorney that would represent my case?

Pardon me while I clean my screen.

 

[klm1234]

Would you clarify what exactly you mean by "co-dependent behavior"? Providing an example or two would be helpful. How old are these children as well.

Thank you.

Co-dependent behavior, in my opinion, enabling my older daughter to live at home at 22 years old with no college or job. My younger daughter, Mom is still driving her to school everyday, even though at 18 years of age, she can legally drive in Texas on her own without adult supervision. Both these fine young women are not mentally or physically disabled or into illegal drug use, I just believe the co-dependence is more emotional, with that being said, I am viewing these behaviors from a distance and not physically present in the Texas house.

 

[stealth2]

I doubt that forcing your wife to do anything will further damage the relationship.

Not likely to do anything to improve it, either.

@klm1234 - the long and the short of it is that, as your wife is a co-owner of the property, you cannot sell it out from under her. Nor is a court likely to order a partition outside of divorce. Depending on the familial circumstances, you may want to discuss with your lawyer whether you could be ordered to pay alimony. Wouldn't that be fun?

I am viewing these behaviors from a distance and not physically present in the Texas house.

Personally speaking, given that you moved out when your daughters were ~13 and 16, you really have no say in how softly Mom is launching them. I wonder, how much contact have you had with them over the past five years?

 

[Zigner]

Co-dependent behavior, in my opinion, enabling my older daughter to live at home at 22 years old with no college or job. My younger daughter, Mom is still driving her to school everyday, even though at 18 years of age, she can legally drive in Texas on her own without adult supervision. Both these fine young women are not mentally or physically disabled or into illegal drug use, I just believe the co-dependence is more emotional, with that being said, I am viewing these behaviors from a distance and not physically present in the Texas house.

This type of situation is completely normal in our society these days. MANY adult-children remain in the home for much longer than they typically may have in past generations.

 

[stealth2]

This type of situation is completely normal in our society these days. MANY adult-children remain in the home for much longer than they typically may have in past generations.

Especially in today's economy.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Co-dependent behavior, in my opinion, enabling my older daughter to live at home at 22 years old with no college or job. My younger daughter, Mom is still driving her to school everyday, even though at 18 years of age, she can legally drive in Texas on her own without adult supervision. Both these fine young women are not mentally or physically disabled or into illegal drug use, I just believe the co-dependence is more emotional, with that being said, I am viewing these behaviors from a distance and not physically present in the Texas house.

1) None of this is legally relevant.

2) Are these really your daughters?! Believe me, they don't view you as a loving father.

I strongly suggest that you readjust how you present your legal concerns, because you are not coming across as reasonable.

I can appreciate that things happen... (I suspect that the initial argument was something along the lines of letting the oldest finish high school first, and then after that one graduated, the reasoning continued to justify keeping the kids in the same community and not disrupting their life.)

However, legally, what matters at this point is the state of your relationship with your wife. The children are legal adults. Neither your kids nor your wife want to live with you. Don't count on the kids changing their minds, because it's clear you neither like nor respect them.

 

[AlmostThere]

Co-dependent behavior, in my opinion, enabling my older daughter to live at home at 22 years old with no college or job. My younger daughter, Mom is still driving her to school everyday, even though at 18 years of age, she can legally drive in Texas on her own without adult supervision. Both these fine young women are not mentally or physically disabled or into illegal drug use, I just believe the co-dependence is more emotional, with that being said, I am viewing these behaviors from a distance and not physically present in the Texas house.

Not a legal issue - but I am wondering a few things:

How do you define "codependence" because your definition does not seem to match the dictionary definitions?

And your 18-year-old is still in high school, and unless you expect her to quit school and start working full time, she's going to be dependent. As far as mom driving her to school every day:

1) Driving your near-adult child to school is a very good thing. This opportunity to talk, in small bites, wihout staring each other in the face, is so very useful. Most of the important information about my child's life was shared during those drives. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...e-gap/201602/kids-in-the-car-talking-to-teens Yes, I gained a few extra minutes in the morning when they were given cars and could drive themselves, but at a great loss of daily communication.

2) Have you bought your daughter a car to drive to school herself?

 

[zddoodah]

A couple of questions to follow up on the threads, would a court in Texas in response to a house sale ever look closely or consider co-dependent behavior (between wife and adult kids) and is there ever an advantage to transfer a deed to an attorney that would represent my case?

I don't understand the question.

With respect to the first part (through the parenthetical), courts don't generally do anything "in response to a house sale." If someone files a legal action that implicates a house sale, what the court will do obviously depends on the context of the legal action. As far as "co-dependent behavior," I asked you what that meant way back in my first response in this thread, but you ignored my question. Slapping a label such as "co-dependent" on something isn't helpful if you don't explain the behavior.

The second part of the question (everything after the parenthetical) doesn't make much sense. It's an abstract hypothetical. If you're asking whether, under the circumstances you have described in this thread, it would be advantageous to you to transfer your interest in your marital home to an attorney who is also your attorney in your divorce case, I can't even conceive why you might do that. What do you think that might accomplish?

Co-dependent behavior, in my opinion, enabling my older daughter to live at home at 22 years old with no college or job. My younger daughter, Mom is still driving her to school everyday, even though at 18 years of age, she can legally drive in Texas on her own without adult supervision. Both these fine young women are not mentally or physically disabled or into illegal drug use, I just believe the co-dependence is more emotional, with that being said, I am viewing these behaviors from a distance and not physically present in the Texas house.

There's nothing legally relevant about either of these things. Whether it is or isn't co-dependent is a question for a mental health professional, but neither of these things would, IMO, justify a visit to such a person.

Get thee to a divorce attorney.