Concerning restraining orders?

[NWDPuppy]

What is the name of your state? Washington


Alright, I've gone through many aspects of this divorce which is going to be rather messy in the end, but, I've a few more questions to ask.

One concerning the STBX. When my friend told her I'd be coming for the week with my 3 year old(still not sure if I'm bringing her), to stay at their house and help him paint and get it fixed up for sale, she flipped out and said she'd get a restraining order... or because she can't get a restraining order, there is some type of order that would limit me to being at the house 3 days out of the month. Is there such a thing?

As backstory, she is pretty much moved out of the house, been living at her boyfriends house for the past 3 months, only comes the house to shower occasionally and take more of her stuff. She tried to stay home one night, but, got drunk and busted down a door to get to her husband, to which the police were called and she was kicked out. (He does have video of her doing so).

Anyway, since she is hardly a residence there anymore, is she able to get an order of any sort to restrict me from going to the house to be there with him as his guest? I have not threatened her or acted in any sort of violent way, so there is no grounds for an actual restraining order from what I can gather. Too, she claims she can't come home when I'm there, but, I've never kept her from her house, and, even when he and I leave we'd call her and let her know we were gone for x amount of hours so she could come home and do what she needed to do.

Please keep personal thoughts out of this, I know it's a messed up situation, its gotta get worse before it gets better. All I need is the actual legal rulings on such things, and what my rights are concerning her threats and whether or not they hold water.

 

[Ohiogal]

She can cause problems because until she is divorced the house is still marital property. And it is never a good thing for you to take up residence with a married man (for however long) before he is divorced or it brings up charges of adultery and she can try to use it as leverage for property.

 

[LdiJ]

I personally wouldn't spend time in the house under those circumstances....but hey...that's simply my own code of ethics.

 

[NWDPuppy]

Yes, but would a charge of adultery against her cancel that out? Her relationship started far before our own did, and only after she demanded an open relationship so she could continue to persue her boyfriend.

He has video proof of her having sex with him (his house is rigged with cameras, and she is aware of them). Yet she has no proof of anything between he and I beyond a friendship.

She can cause problems, but, can she have me legally kept from entering the house when she is never there and he always is?

 

[ceara19]

Yes, but would a charge of adultery against her cancel that out? Her relationship started far before our own did, and only after she demanded an open relationship so she could continue to persue her boyfriend.

He has video proof of her having sex with him (his house is rigged with cameras, and she is aware of them). Yet she has no proof of anything between he and I beyond a friendship.

She can cause problems, but, can she have me legally kept from entering the house when she is never there and he always is?

Two wrongs don't make a right! Even if she doesn't currently LIVE in the house, she is more then likely still the co-owner and she can still cause you a great amount of grief because of it.

 

[NWDPuppy]

Greif I'm not worried about. It's the restraining order I am.

 

[ceara19]

Greif I'm not worried about. It's the restraining order I am.

It wouldn't be difficult for her to get that either.

 

[NWDPuppy]

but I've not acted in a threatening way at all... doesn't she have to have grounds? I'm there as a welcome guest of her husband...

 

[LdiJ]

but I've not acted in a threatening way at all... doesn't she have to have grounds? I'm there as a welcome guest of her husband...

Again, I wouldn't spend time in the home myself as long as she is a co-owner.

Also, I am pretty sure that your friend could get in a great deal of trouble for taping someone else while they were engaged in sex.

 

[NWDPuppy]

His dad is a cop and did say it was perfectlly legal for him to record in his own home since it is his private residence, and, she was aware of the cameras

Anyway, apparently she has an anti-harrassment order now, which will be served to me tomorrow when I get to Seattle. To which hopefully the lawyers will freaking call us back so we can set up a consultation. Would be nice just to ask questions like this to a lawyer and get the answers.. it's frustrating not knowing the ins and outs of the law.

Until then, will go to court with my friend(the husband) and seek to have it overturned. Problem is, is she going to get one of these for every female friend of his that comes over?

 

[ceara19]

but I've not acted in a threatening way at all... doesn't she have to have grounds? I'm there as a welcome guest of her husband...

A restraining order is not the same as a protective order. A PO would require the possibility that she could be harmed by you, an RO does not. You need to put the entire relationship on hold an concentrate on raising your own child and let him deal with his problems by himself. You are an adult and are free to date anyone you see fit, including a married man who's wife wants you out of the picture. But it is NOT fair to your child.

First of all, I don't think the child should even know this man exists, much less spend the weekend at his marital home. But that is just my personal opinion. Even when a parent does not introduce the kids the every person they date, when there is a problem in the relationship, it WILL affect the kids, whether they are aware of the relationship or not. Anytime a parent is overly stressed, it affects the children.

Like I said, your life, your business. I just think it is stupid to get involved in totally unnecessary drama when your child should be priority #1.

 

[Silverplum]

Until then, will go to court with my friend(the husband) and seek to have it overturned. Problem is, is she going to get one of these for every female friend of his that comes over?

The FA Crystal Ball is in the shop, I do believe.

 

[NWDPuppy]

I am not taking my daughter with me, she'll be staying with her grandparents who watch her when I'm at work for the week. I'll be gone for 3 days and then back home with her. In any case, no she doesn't meet everyone I date.

It is a complicated situation, but, when there is love involved, it's impossible to completely back out and pretend you're not part of this. That is just not an option to me.

Anyway, thanks for the advice so far.

 

[Silverplum]

It is a complicated situation, but, when there is love involved, it's impossible to completely back out and pretend you're not part of this. That is just not an option to me.

Woody Allen: The heart wants what it wants.

 

[ceara19]

I am not taking my daughter with me, she'll be staying with her grandparents who watch her when I'm at work for the week. I'll be gone for 3 days and then back home with her. In any case, no she doesn't meet everyone I date.

It is a complicated situation, but, when there is love involved, it's impossible to completely back out and pretend you're not part of this. That is just not an option to me.

Anyway, thanks for the advice so far.

That's where we are COMPLETELY different. There is no one on the face of the earth that I would not turn around and walk away from forever for the sake of my children. I am madly in love with my SO, but I'd drop in in a second if it was the best thing for my kids and he knows it. The best part is, he loves the kids so much that he would do the same!