Conflict with visitation - who is responsible

[newgirlfriend]

The father is scheduled to pick up his daughter this Wednesday for his every other Wednesday visit which lasts from 3- to - 7.

The mother just recently got a new job as a waitress and told the father to take the baby back to the babysitters when he finished because she had to work and did not get off until 11:30 pm.
( it is her responsibilty to pick the baby up from visits)
he asked her if he could keep the baby until 11:30 and could she come pick her up when she got off of work.

She said no that she did not feel like driving that far at 11:30.
(10 miles)

Who is responsible now? My bf told her that he would just meet her at the parking lot at 11:30 if it meant extra time with his daughter.

Because she is working he does not want to make a big deal about this - who's responsibilty does it become?

Couldn't he just keep her overnight and let the mother come pick her up in the morning?

 

[buka]

If the order says the child is to be returned at 7, then the father needs to return the child by 7 unless he can reach an agreement with the mother. If this work schedule is going to be a permanent thing, he could file to have his visitation schedule changed, altho it would be a lot easier if the mother and father could just come to an agreement outside of court.
I can sympathize with not seeing the benefit of returning the child to a babysitter, but as long as the child is not in danger, the father can't just choose to keep her longer.

 

[newgirlfriend]

but it is the responsibilty of the mother to pick the child up. Since she can not because of work she wanted him to take her to the babysitters.

Then when he asked if he could just keep her until the mother got off of work she said that she did not want to drive to his house that late....she would of had to drive there in the day time if she was not working.

He does not mind meeting the mother at 11:30 that night with the child even if it is her responsibilty to pick her back up but
he feels he should get to keep her until the mother can come get her. THis is just a temp hearing until the final court date but she keeps changing jobs and homes so who knows how long this arrangement will be for her.

Anyway, just wondering whose responsibilty it becomes when the person who is supposed to pick up ..can't?

 

[buka]

Sorry, I should have read your post a second time...

The parent who is supposed to be picking the child up must arrange for someone else to come get the child. So, in your case, the mother should ask her babysitter to come get the child. If she won't do that, then I think your boyfriend does have the right to keep the child until the mother can arrange to get her. But he should also consider whether it's good for the child to be shuffled around at 11:30 at night.

 

[newgirlfriend]

I actually just got off of the phone with him and we were talking about that , shuffling the baby around @ 11:30. I think that he is going to ask her if he can just keep her overnight and let the mother come get her first thing in the morning. If will not then he is going to tell her that the baby will be there when someone can come get her, just don't come before 7:00.

Hopefully this wont be a problem in the future but.... the future will tell.

Thanks for responding. Being in the middle of a custody battle is an entire new life for me but especially for the father. Always on his P's and Q's. He walks on egg shells these days --

Thank goodness when this is all over!

 

[Grandma B]

I'm curious. With local visitation, the NCP normally picks up and returns the child. How did the mother come to have this responsibiity?

I thought the idea to take the baby to the mother's lot at 11:30 sounded like a good one. The baby could spend extra time with Daddy and would only be transported once that night instead of to the sitter's, then home.

 

[newgirlfriend]

For whatever reason they split the responsibilty. When it is time for the father he picks the baby up for his visit. When the visit is over the mother picks the baby up from his house. Which to me is fair.

Anyway, like I said he does not mind taking her back at 11:30 because he really loves the extra time, but you have got to know the mother to understand that she will see this as an opportunity. If she sees that the father will be willingly to bring the child then she would not try to schedule her work accordingly and this could be a factor in the future. ( I mean that she is very lazy and she hates to drive to come pick their daughter up)

The father has to get off every other WEd at 3 to go pick up, but that is his responsibilty so he takes off 3 hours early.

But he is going to talk with her again tonight and see what they can work out. He is concerned about taking her out that late but I guess you are right because the mother has to pick the baby up when she gets off anyway.

Hopefully she will go with the next morning deal- All 3 win!

 

[buka]

In response to Grandma B's question about transporting the child, my understanding is that in MN, whichever parent is taking the child to their home has to pick the child up. That's how we've always done it.
Good luck newgirlfriend, I hope the overnight arrangement works out for you.

 

[newgirlfriend]

Just thought that you may be interested to know that the mother got off of work tomorrow so she will be picking the daughter up at her usual time.

I guess she did not want this to become an issue which I respect because I was expecting the worse from her.

 

[newgirlfriend]

Help-another question

Thank you to those who responded,

Just to let you know, my BF still had to pick the daughter up from the sitters and we found out when the mother picked her back up that she did not even go to work, that she ran some errands! What is up with that?! Can he use that against her? I mean she is obviously in the sitters when the mother has to work, so how often is she in the sitters when she has off? When the mother comes to pick her CS check up she never has the child so the father can see her. Every time he picks their daughter up for his visit he picks her up from the sitters.

Will this look bad on the mother in the final hearing?

Also, one more question. The mother has to work tomorrow from 4 until 11:30. It is my BF off weekend but he wants to take the baby to a cute baby contest at the mall. The mother said that he could but to drop the baby off at 'Dick' and 'Janes' home when he finished b/c they where babysitting for him.

Dick and Jane wrote an affidavit against my BF for the temp hearing. It was full of complete lies so he has already told the mother that he may hit them with perjury as well. In addition too, they are trashy, their home is trashy, their occupations are trashy and my BF found Dick over a year ago at a club almost dead from a drug overdose- the main thing is that they lied against him about a night that never happened and he has proof of this lie not to mention all of the contradictions in their affidavit.

He does not want the baby to be in their care. What can he do? Right now she has temp custody so I am sure that she can do as she pleases. He is going to tell her that he does not want baby girl to stay with them. Since these are the mothers friends she will probably get defensive and get mad.......if she still puts the baby in their care tomorrow night, does he just document it.
This is why he wants legal custody... Also, we have plans for tomorrow night but I told him that we could cancel and just keep the baby until the mother gets off of work.

If she will not agree to these arrangements how will this look against her? Obviously she puts the baby in others care frequently so I told him to tell her today when she comes to get her check that he wants for her to call him whenever she needs a sitter and to let him be first choice, if he can he will if he cant, then bring a sitter in.

With the mother having temp control right now, does he basically have to let her do whatever?

 

[DixieMomma]

Ok, maybe this advice will help you.

We are in a similar situation with my husband's ex. She uses frequent sitters and we are upset because we feel that the child should be with us rather than a sitter. We filed a Motion for NISI, which is just asking for a modification to their divorce/custody agreement. We are asking for "first right of refusal of babysitting the child when the mother is not able to be with the child". We have documented every night that the child has been with us and with a baby sitter since 08-01-01. As of today, we have 92 days of documentation. Of those 92 days, my stepson has been with us or with a baby sitter for 73 days. Sounds outrageous doesnt it?

My advice is not to fight with her about it. Ask for the time with the child when she is not going to be with the child. Document it when she says no. Document time spent with you, babysitters, etc. Have your boyfriend talk with his attorney about the "first right of refusal". See where you can go from there.