Confused in Missery

[greivingspouse]

What is the name of your state? Missery.
My daughter was born in June 1993. I visited with her every other wknd until Aug. 94 when she disappeared with her mother. After 7 years of searching I found my daughter in the custody of the state due to abuse and neglect. Mother lost her perental rights as expected based on abuse and neglect. My rights were teminated based on abuse and neglect. I was set to defend against allegations of "abandonment" as outlined in the petition, NOT "abuse and neglect". I imediately filed an appeal and won. It was reversed and remanded. Before the appellet court reliquished jurisdiction, the lower court "amended" the earlier judgement to reflect "abandonment" as the basis without even viewing my evidence or hearing testomony on the issue. I have filed a second appeal. If I had "willfully and intentionally" abandoned my daughter to escape child support, then why has the support been paid from the date they took her into custody to now, and why have I "willfully" paid approximately $70,000 to get her home? I don't understand what they (the state) have against me? I wasn't responsible for the terrible things that took place prior to my locating her. What reason would they have for driving a wedge between my daughter and me? I can only guess it would be "Adoption Bonuses". I have complied with the sevice agreement, afterwhich they added more things I was to do and I did them too. What else can I do to prove to the court my dedication to my daughter, and my regret for not locating her sooner? It would seem like some sort of injustice in this state.

 

[BL]

With all the Money you have spent it appears you have an attorney .
It also appears the attorney was able to win an appeal .
Let your attorney fight for you once again .

It sounds like your daughters worth it to you .

Have you been having any regular contact with her ?

It should always be the goal of any State to reunite a Family , or Child with the Parent(s) as soon as possible , whenever possible .

Perhaps it's just a matter of a few more months IF you have been complying with the plan .

Again work with the Lawyer .

Many Lawyers work everyday in front of the Same Judges . They do NOT want to get on the bad side of any Judge , so they will error on the side of caution while still representing and litigating your rights .

 

[djohnson]

A child that age is harder to adopt than you think. I don't think that has anything to do with it. The problem is, for all intense purposes you did abandon her. When the mother left with the child what did you do? Did you file contempt with the court when she didn't meet the visitation schedule you had court ordered? Do you file kidnapping charges because she up and ran? What did you do? Without doing something, they have nothing but your word now that it wasn't abandonment. I agree to listen to your attorney and hope for the best. Maybe you can 'adopt' her if it comes to that. Where was you paying child support to? How was she getting the money all these years but you couldn't find her?

 

[seniorjudge]

What is the name of your state? Missery.
My daughter was born in June 1993. I visited with her every other wknd until Aug. 94 when she disappeared with her mother. After 7 years of searching I found my daughter in the custody of the state due to abuse and neglect. Mother lost her perental rights as expected based on abuse and neglect. My rights were teminated based on abuse and neglect. I was set to defend against allegations of "abandonment" as outlined in the petition, NOT "abuse and neglect". I imediately filed an appeal and won. It was reversed and remanded. Before the appellet court reliquished jurisdiction, the lower court "amended" the earlier judgement to reflect "abandonment" as the basis without even viewing my evidence or hearing testomony on the issue. I have filed a second appeal. If I had "willfully and intentionally" abandoned my daughter to escape child support, then why has the support been paid from the date they took her into custody to now, and why have I "willfully" paid approximately $70,000 to get her home? I don't understand what they (the state) have against me? I wasn't responsible for the terrible things that took place prior to my locating her. What reason would they have for driving a wedge between my daughter and me? I can only guess it would be "Adoption Bonuses". I have complied with the sevice agreement, afterwhich they added more things I was to do and I did them too. What else can I do to prove to the court my dedication to my daughter, and my regret for not locating her sooner? It would seem like some sort of injustice in this state.

It sounds like the trial court has not followed the order of the court of appeals. The petition in your case sought termination of your rights on the basis of abandonment, probably under RSMo 211.447.2. If, as you say, the petition did not fairly advise you that you would be required to defend against allegations that you had abused and neglected your child under that statute, then the trial court's orders must be reversed. Thus, if there were an erroneous termination of your parental rights, any subsequent order granting a petition for adoption, if that happened in your case, would also require reversal. The court of appeals does not make a determination on the ultimate disposition of your termination of parental rights as to your daughter, but also does not intend, by its opinion, to infer that custody of your daughter should necessarily be granted to you at this time. The court of appeals ordered the case remanded for further proceedings consistent with this opinion (as it always does) and apparently the trial court did not follow the order.

 

[greivingspouse]

In the begining I was giving the mother the support. When I learned that she was spending it on her friends for fast food and clothing (for her and her friends) and not formula, diapers, and clothing for my daughter, I stopped giving her cash and started purchasing formula, diapers, and clothing myself. Shortly after this was when she disappeared with my daughter. We were not married and there was never a court order for anything. I did'nt see a problem with keeping my children out of the court system because it has worked well for my son for 15 yrs. I see him at least once a week and sometimes more. I pay support directly to his mother and we have a good, friendly relationship. He is well care for. I have since married and have a step-daughter and everything is good albeit sybling rivalry between my son and step-daughter. I have raised her from age 3. I have never met her father since he has never been around. In her eyes, I am her "Dad", she knows she has a father out there somewhere and she has her own feelings towards him. I have had three 1 hour visits (one per month) since my daughter disappeared. Durring which she was thrilled to finally meet her "other" family. DFS has cut off all contact with her and I am not allowed to send gifts (birthday, Easter, Christmas, etc.) or clothing due to a "handshake" that took place in the waiting room of the therapist's office. I was to detour her from showing affection and I was not allowed to show any affection or emotions or the visits would cease, and they did. Because most states usually reunite families before adoption,it leads me to question this states' actions. As for defense of abandonment charges, I have abundant evidence and witness testimony to rebutt their allegations but was unable to present it due to the abuse and neglect charge. My attorney says it might be transfered to the Supreme Court due to the repeated actions of the lower court and all officials involved. All of this legal mumbo jumbo aside, this has been strung out over 4 yrs due to repeated continuances being granted to the GAL who basically mirrors DFS. Just what does this look like to her? What's going through her mind? And just what are they telling her about me? I am truly scared for her, because I know she is scared and there's nothing I can do about it. What kind of dad am I if I can't protect her from the things that scare her?

 

[greivingspouse]

What do you do when the lower court disregards the appellet court? What happens next?

 

[greivingspouse]

In the judgement where it says "abuse and neglect", This is found to be against the "parents". Unsanitary living conditions, this is found to be against the "parents". Exposing the child to illegal drugs, this is found to be against the "parents". Failing to visit, contact, or support the child durring the requisit six months, this is found to be against the "parents". As I and my family have testified in court, this was beyond my control. Believe me, if I could have, or knew how to do something, by god I would have. But does that make me unfit to be her father???? SOMETHING IS WRONG IN THIS COUNTY !!!! I have contacted the capital regarding the court's procedures and I keep getting the political run-around.

 

[LdiJ]

In the judgement where it says "abuse and neglect", This is found to be against the "parents". Unsanitary living conditions, this is found to be against the "parents". Exposing the child to illegal drugs, this is found to be against the "parents". Failing to visit, contact, or support the child durring the requisit six months, this is found to be against the "parents". As I and my family have testified in court, this was beyond my control. Believe me, if I could have, or knew how to do something, by god I would have. But does that make me unfit to be her father???? SOMETHING IS WRONG IN THIS COUNTY !!!! I have contacted the capital regarding the court's procedures and I keep getting the political run-around.

Let your attorney do his/her job...what has happened to you is dead wrong...but it does sometimes happen.

What you have is a stubborn judge, probably combined with a CPS/DFS system that has way too much pull.

The judge didn't do what the appellate court intended the judge to do... therefore the judge would normally get pretty badly slammed the second time around...in fact, the appellate court might even break tradition and make an actual determination rather than just remanding (I have seen it happen in similar circumstances). I have even seen cases where the appellate court ordered the judge to recuse himself/herself from further proceedings.

 

[greivingspouse]

Your reply is somewhat comforting but this is one of my children and she means the world to me. My son and step-daughter have known about her from day one but haven't seen her since she was little. Now they are always asking when she's coming home and I don't know what to tell them. I explained to her durring one of my three visits that she had a brother and sister who were excited to meet her someday. She seemed to become extremely happy about that and asked about them. I also gave her pictures of various family members to take with her. I later found out that they were taken away from her by the foster mother suposedly under advice of the therapist. I can't confirm this. But they were taken from her just the same.

 

[greivingspouse]

I know my attorney is doing the best he can given the circumstances. I guess I have more of an emotional problem. I spent six years trying to find her only to spend 4+ trying to get her home from states custody and twice they tried to shut the door on me. I only regret that I couldn't find her before the state got involved. If I were trying to get custody from the mother, I would have had it at day one. She was unfit and extremely unstable.
Also, one of the stipulations in the judgement was based solely on speculation and not facts. Saying that if I had paid support, the mother "probably" would not have been in that situation. What part of "Findings of Fact and Conclusions of Law" does this judge not understand???

 

[djohnson]

I think his problems are probably stemming from the years that you let it go with no legal intervention. Just because it worked with one child, doesn't mean it works with all. When she left and you couldn't find her, you should have started something legal then. Many courts state it doesn't matter what the support is spent on as long as child is taken care of. If child wasn't being taken care of you should have legally intervenned then. I feel sorry for your situation and understand hindsight is 20/20, but I also see where the court is coming from too.

 

[BL]

Correct , My X use to blow any money I gave for the kids diapers,formula,cereal,milk,food,etc. on booze for herself and drinking slobs .

I stopped giving it to her.

When the Court ordered support, I ask them If I could buy their needs and keep receipts. The answer was clearly NO .." We do not police how the money is spent " .

You have to pay it once it's court ordered . Also, I agree , you have to have proof you tried to assert your legal rights . Court Petitions,Demand letters , some proof of an agency looked for them on your behalf . You have to show you continued to try .