Confused Please HELP!

[mylilchulo]

What is the name of your state? NY

My sister is currently going though a custody battle with her ex-boyfriend over her 3 year old daughter. He doesn't pay the court ordered child support, she has filed two violations already. and he misses most of his visits, he cancelled five out of the last seven. Yesterday he was awarded overnights. I don't understand why if he doesnt' make most of his visits now. This has been a long drawn out case. He often postpones or doen't show up for court and my sister has lost two jobs because of all the time she has had to me. The judges response was "He hasnt' pissed me off enough yet." The child does not want to go with him when he comes for her and it is one of us that convinces her because he just its there like a lump. The law guardian only met her a few months ago when she came home wiht black and blues and grab marks saying daddy bit me, daddy hit me. He was at that time given more visitation even thoug hthe CPS report said that there is a possibility that the father did this. Since going to her father's house (first unsupervised visit was on her second birthday) she has become more defiant, hits everyone, and says such things as daddy is a bad boy, daddy got in trouble, and nanny was yelling at daddy. The other day she came home saying that she got in trouble for putting chapstick on the walls. When asked where everybody was she said dady was watching tb and nanny went to drive Jim to work. Obviously she was not being properly supervised. She often says "daddy was too busy watching tv to play with me, daddy was playing his game, daddy went to his friends house, daddy was sleeping. The views this as poor parenting choices. Why should my sister give up time wiht her daughter to send her to a house where she is being ignored. The court also doesnt' want to hear about the nightmares she has at night, which sadly my sister had to start recording, in which the child screams and cries in her sleep "go away, leave me alone, i don't want to talk to you, don't touch me, no daddy, i don't want to hear you." Her behavior is not a factor. Her behavior at school even starting to change but they don't want to hear any of that. The law guardian is totally biased and on his side ebecause he kisses her butt. When my sister calls her regaurding the childs reaction when her father comes to pick her up she says "That is not my problem, deal with it, i'm not concerning myself with it, your her mother make her go." My sister wants to take legal action against the law guardian and the judge but is afraid it will cost her the baby. If anyone has any advice please help.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Something doesn't sound right with your story. You never stated what the boyfriend is seeking as far as custody. I don't buy the CPS thing.....Are you saying that case is still open, and yet they gave dad more visitation ?

 

[stealth2]

The long and the short of it is that a 3yo is not a credible witness. There needs to be more concrete proof that he is unfit. I know that's not what you want to hear - it's not what ANY parent wants to hear when there's a concern about their child's safety. Unfortunately, it really may take the child being injured to do anything. I'm sorry.

 

[casa]

sounds like the CPS report was inconclusive, only saying the father "May have" done it.

 

[mylilchulo]

confused

At first he was seeking full custody, then he settled for visitation stating that he was not yet going to ask for overnights. They had made a final order with a visitation schedule that the law guardian screwed up so it was never signed. When they had a court date to have the ordered fixed she told him not to show up so that the ordered wouldn't be signed so he could reconsider and ask for more. Now he wants the child, twice a week, every other weekend overnight, on the weekend he doesn't have her over night he still wants her one day, he wants her spring break, one month in the summer, half a day all holiday either 9-3 or 3-9, both christmas eve and day, both new years day and eve. The currently split the holiday except we get her christmas eve, he gets her half a day on christmas day, he gets her new years eve, we get have her new years day. He was just awarded overnights yesterday on Nov 27 and Dec. 11 and they go back to cort Dec 21. As far as the CPS case goes, the police came to my house and spoke to the child, the emergency CPS worker came to the house, the CPS case worker came to my house and the child told them all the same thing. "Daddy bit me, Daddy hit me." The CPS report that the lawyer obtained stated that there is a possibility that the father did do this to the child. At that time his visitation was suspended for a week but then resumed when the CPS report was done. My sister had called CPS asking why he would have been giving unsupervised visitation if the report said that he may have done. Originally the lady said she didn't understand why he would have been giving his visitation back and she would look into it. She then called back and said her supervisor told her to leave it alone after speaking with the law guardian. The case was later closed. I'm telling you the law guardian is completely on his side and doesn't like my sister. She is very nasty and abrupt to her. She tells him one thing and tells my sister something else. She calls and talks to his mother all the time but my sister has to call her five or six times before she gets a response. When they were conferencing during the last court date they agreed on everything and the law guardian would say to him why are you agreeing to take her 9-5 on new years even cause the holiday wouldnt' have even started yet. Your only going to take her 9-2 on Thanksgiving it is not even dinner time yet. Everything they agreed to she had to but into. It is like she is trying to cause problems. I will bet my life that all the stuff he is asking for now is because the law guardian told him to.

 

[mylilchulo]

The long and the short of it is that a 3yo is not a credible witness. There needs to be more concrete proof that he is unfit.


What kind of proof is needed? She has already come home with black and blues, she has nightmares (which have been recorded), he cancels his most of his visits, her behavior has completely changed since going to her father's house, he lets her run a muck when she is there. He even says she never gets in trouble at my house she is allowed to do whatever she wants. Last weekend was the first time she got into trouble. She hits him all the time and he laughs. She never eats when she goes there. She says "I didn't like what Nana cooked so Dad gave me candy." She comes home from there smelling disgusting. But none of that seems to matter. Even the CPS worker said they could live in a pile of dirt and filth and it wouldnt' matter as long as the child is not in pysical danger. I don't understand why a child needs to be severely inured before anything is done. That is what the law guardain said when she came home with bruises. "They are not significant enough."

 

[stealth2]

Kids fall and get bruised. Kids have nightmares. Kids (especially of the age yours is) do try to push limits with hitting and yelling and not listening. That is actually all relatively normal.

Parenting decisions are just that - he is allowed to feed her junk food for his entire time with her. He is allowed to not bathe her for two (or three or whatever) days.

 

[stealth2]

Kids fall and get bruised. Kids have nightmares. Kids (especially of the age yours is) do try to push limits with hitting and yelling and not listening. That is actually all relatively normal.

Parenting decisions are just that - he is allowed to feed her junk food for his entire time with her. He is allowed to not bathe her for two (or three or whatever) days.

What you do not have is proof that he is beating her or sexually abusing her.

 

[mylilchulo]

reply to stealth2

Stealth2 it seems that what you are saying about having evidence of abuse would be needed in order to get visitation denied completely. That is not what we are trying to do. We do not want to deny the child the right to know her father and my sister has said that many times in court. She does not want to take his visitation away but doesnt' understand why they keep giving him more time when he is not doing the right thing by the child. Oh he missed five out his last seven visits or twenty out the the last thirty so lets give him some more time. Does that make sense to anyone because it sure doesn't make sense to me? If he was showing up for all his visits and actually spending time with her the rare times he did pick her up then I could understand a little more. Why should she have to go through a lifetime of disappointments because of her father. I know that is not the courts concern but it is very infuriating. For example, He fought wiht my sister to get the baby for an extra hour on her birthday. My sister finally agreed with him thinking that they were having a party for her. The child came home and said "I didn't have a party and I didn't get to eat any birthday" she says birthday instead of cake. I'm sorry but that is not fair to the child she new it was her birthday and knows that on her birthday she has a cake. While it may seems trivial to you it hurts to see her come home with her sad little face.

 

[mylilchulo]

Ultimate Question

My ultimate question is would taking legal action against the law guardian for doing such things as: telling my sister she is not going to concern herself with her problems, making the situation worse by making him change his mind about something he has already agreed to, talking to him and his mother all the time but practically ingnoring my sister, telling him not to show up in court, calling my sister a liar (when she can prove that he is the liar with tapes of their conversations), threatening my sister that she was going to lose custody, ect. make a difference or would it just hurt her in the end? She wants to go to the news with her story about the law guardian but I am trying to convince her not. However, I do believe that she needs to be removed from this case. The first judge that they went in front of only gave him supervised visits and actually heard both sides of what is happening. Then the law guardian filed a grievance against the judge and the new judge pretty much gives him whatever he wants and doesnt' listen to a damn thing. He says this is what is going to happen now get out. Actually th judge that awarded him overnights was only filling in because the regular judge was sick so I do't even understand how he could have even made a decision like that. It is all very mind boggling.

 

[mylilchulo]

No Advice????

I guess nobody wants to touch the legal action against the law guardian question. Let me provide you with a little more background info. When my sister was pregnant he threw her across the room but that doesn't matter because it was 4 years ago. He stalked her, harrassed her, had her followed, and threatened her. She had an order of protection from both family and criminal court. He violated the order four times and on the last one the judge told him if he has another violation within the next year he would have to serve 60 days in jail for that violation plus 30 days for each other violation. Needless to say he has been on his best behavior. However, none of that matters because he didn't threaten the child. He did however say in front of the child who was 2 and 1/2 at the time "One of these days mommy is going to get a foot up her ass". That suspended his visitation for two weeks and that was it. Can someone please provide us with some advice? We are at a loss for what to do and do not want to see this child suffer for her fathers poor behavior and immaturity or for her law guardians stupidity. I know this is who she decided to have a child with and will have to deal with him for the next 15 years but at the time things were different. Would it be a mistake to file a grievance against the law guardian?

 

[mylilchulo]

Kids fall and get bruised.

These bruises were not in normal two year old places. She had a bruise in the middle of her back, one on her inner thigh, and one on her upper arm that looked as if somone had grabbed her extremely tight. It looked like finger prints. And nobody in his house was aware of the bruises. Usually a child who falls and gets hurt cries. She cries all the time when she falls so if that was the case then they would have known about the bruises.

 

[LdiJ]

These bruises were not in normal two year old places. She had a bruise in the middle of her back, one on her inner thigh, and one on her upper arm that looked as if somone had grabbed her extremely tight. It looked like finger prints. And nobody in his house was aware of the bruises. Usually a child who falls and gets hurt cries. She cries all the time when she falls so if that was the case then they would have known about the bruises.

Does your sister have an attorney? If not, it might be wise to get one. The Law Guardian does appear to maybe have some bias, and it might be possible to get the Law Guardian replaced. However I think she would have better luck doing that with an attorney.

 

[mylilchulo]

Does your sister have an attorney? If not, it might be wise to get one. The Law Guardian does appear to maybe have some bias, and it might be possible to get the Law Guardian replaced. However I think she would have better luck doing that with an attorney.

She has a court appointed attorney who does not wish to jepardize his career to put a grievance against the law guardian. He also happens to also be a law guardian and said that there is no way that he should have been granted overnight visits. Do you think she may have a good chance of replacing the law guardian? Thank You.

 

[Britlandco]

Attorney

Maybe you should put your trust into the attorney and wait it out for awhile? Or you can save up and hire a personal attorney. Get reccomendations...