confused

[krislild]

What is the name of your state?nm

I have a daughter who is almost 2, her father has a bad past. I went to get legal advise and the lawyer told me to go ahead and allow him to see her every other week for a few hours with a third party person. I dont want to sound selfish or ignorant but everyone says I am nuts. We started this agreement two months ago and he has cancelled 6 times, and he does not help with anything financially. I have asked but he says he is just getting established (he is married and has a baby on the way). I feel like if he is going to be part of our daughters life that he should carry some of the financial responsiblily adleast help buy milk, food, diapers, an outfit something. I feel like my daughter is getting jipped. He is not on her BC and we have never been to court. He has a history of drugs and mental/physical abuse. Comments? or advise would be great. Thanks!!!

 

[stealth2]

Without some type of acknowledgement of paternity and without a court order for visitation and support, you don't have to let him see the child. Conversely, he is under no obligation to provide anything for her.

 

[krislild]

thanks stealth2

I know you are not a lawyer, but i wonder why my lawyer would tell me to allow him to see her. He b*** to see her and then cancells just as fast. I sat down and wrote out when he has seen her and for how long and he has seen her a total of 4 times (4 hours) since July. I am starting to wonder if I should renig on this agreement. I am just afraid of going to court and what the judge might do or say. I am dont want to make myself look bad infront of the judge. I have heard from many sources that my state is the easiest state to gain 50/50 custody with a father who has a criminal/drug background. Once last question, is it true that my ex can petetion the courts to make me stay in my county and not allow me to move within the state.

 

[stealth2]

Probably because your lawyer wants you to do exactly as you're doing. Allow him time to see the child and then document how often he bails on it - in essence, you're giving him the rope to hang himself in court.

 

[snostar]

Once last question, is it true that my ex can petetion the courts to make me stay in my county and not allow me to move within the state.

He can petition for anything he wants. First paternity would need to be established, if it isn't already. Heck, my ex just petitioned for a change in custody because our son was bit by a chipmunk.

 

[VeronicaGia]

I know you are not a lawyer, but i wonder why my lawyer would tell me to allow him to see her. He b*** to see her and then cancells just as fast. I sat down and wrote out when he has seen her and for how long and he has seen her a total of 4 times (4 hours) since July. I am starting to wonder if I should renig on this agreement. I am just afraid of going to court and what the judge might do or say. I am dont want to make myself look bad infront of the judge. I have heard from many sources that my state is the easiest state to gain 50/50 custody with a father who has a criminal/drug background. Once last question, is it true that my ex can petetion the courts to make me stay in my county and not allow me to move within the state.

Your attorney told you to "allow" the potential father to see the child because he is the potential father. And, you will be able to see a pattern of visitation versus cancellations. If you renig on the agreement, he could file to establish paternity, and for custody and/or visitation.

If he is the father, keep in mind you are the one who decided to have a child with this guy. If you didn't want a criminal/druggie to be the father of this child, you should have thought about it long ago. Now, if he is the father, he has every right to petition the court for custody, visitation, and to ask the court that you not be allowed to move with the child out of state or even out of your county.

You didn't create the child alone. The other parent has rights too, and so does the child.

 

[LdiJ]

He can petition for anything he wants. First paternity would need to be established, if it isn't already. Heck, my ex just petitioned for a change in custody because our son was bit by a chipmunk.

Tell me that's a joke...PLEASE...he didn't really DO that???

 

[snostar]

Tell me that's a joke...PLEASE...he didn't really DO that???

NO JOKE! My attorney was served this morning. My ex's attorney dumped him and he is doing this on his own. I would pay big money to see the look on our judge's face when he reads it (I hope he doesn't have another stroke!). The ex will learn hopefully, for now he is still young and naive.

Our son is fine, he was playing "rescue mission" trying to save the critter from our cat. I got the cat turned around and he tried to pick up the chipmunk. It didn't puncture the skin, but he was on antibiotics just in case.

Now I am a horrible, irresponsible mother accused of neglect.

 

[stealth2]

Are you married to my ex's brother?

 

[Kevmar44]

Even if you do go to court and paternity is established he will still not have to see his daughter if he doesn't want to. At that point though, he will have to start paying you child support.

 

[snostar]

Are you married to my ex's brother?

Nope, I prefer to be single and unattached. And, I will never be with a man that much younger than I am until I am old and wrinkled!

 

[LdiJ]

NO JOKE! My attorney was served this morning. My ex's attorney dumped him and he is doing this on his own. I would pay big money to see the look on our judge's face when he reads it (I hope he doesn't have another stroke!). The ex will learn hopefully, for now he is still young and naive.

Our son is fine, he was playing "rescue mission" trying to save the critter from our cat. I got the cat turned around and he tried to pick up the chipmunk. It didn't puncture the skin, but he was on antibiotics just in case.

Now I am a horrible, irresponsible mother accused of neglect.

Oh this just gets better and better...your son does what all kids do...you intervene...your son gets bit by the chipmunk...skins not even broken...you go above and beyond what most parents would do and take him to the doctor for antibiotics anyway...and he sues for CUSTODY!!! Is the man a total idiot???

 

[krislild]

Thanks

Thanks for everyone's advise. I am sorry about the whole chipmunk issue. I hope everything works out. I agree that my daugher has the right to see her father and I try to encourage her even though I cant stand him but the fact of the matter is she doesnt know him and is afraid of him. Not to mention she is a mommas girl bad.

I dont want to sound evil, but my ex is having another baby in apirl of 2005 i am almost have tempted to file for child support just to keep him from trying to take me to court. But i dont know if that would make a difference or make him fight harder. Both his family and mine along with my close friends think that he is just pissed that I have control and he doesnt. ( I dont see it that way i feel i have been very pleasant to deal with.) the reason he might feel like this is because i have his family backing me and i have logs for days about his drug past and his violence tword me infront of my daughter.

To sum this message up would it be wise for me to file child support or am i opening myself to more trouble? Thanks so much for your advise

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for everyone's advise. I am sorry about the whole chipmunk issue. I hope everything works out. I agree that my daugher has the right to see her father and I try to encourage her even though I cant stand him but the fact of the matter is she doesnt know him and is afraid of him. Not to mention she is a mommas girl bad.

I dont want to sound evil, but my ex is having another baby in apirl of 2005 i am almost have tempted to file for child support just to keep him from trying to take me to court. But i dont know if that would make a difference or make him fight harder. Both his family and mine along with my close friends think that he is just pissed that I have control and he doesnt. ( I dont see it that way i feel i have been very pleasant to deal with.) the reason he might feel like this is because i have his family backing me and i have logs for days about his drug past and his violence tword me infront of my daughter.

To sum this message up would it be wise for me to file child support or am i opening myself to more trouble? Thanks so much for your advise

I can almost guarantee that if you file for child support he WILL file for visitation/custody. So yes, you would probably be opening yourself to more trouble.

 

[tigger2two]

just a little advice. Like the last poster said...i filed for my child support to be court ordered so that my ex could stop paying when it was convinent for him. No sooner than i did that guess what i got in the mail? A petition for sole custody from my ex. Now of course he didn't win but it was one hell of a long hard battle. And it lasted over a year. And he still isn't even paying the dam support. I would say save yourself and your child the heartache and just forget about the money. Yes your daughter deserves it. But if you don't need it and you don't feel its worth the battle then just leave it alone. But if you do need it then go for just be prepared for what will follow. Good luck!