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Contempt of Court Proceedings Over Opposite-Sex Overnight Visit

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vmsparks81

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

In my custody agreement we have the clause that neither party has the opposite sex spend the night while our child is present. My fiancé, now husband, spent the night several occasions and my ex is taking me to court for contempt of our agreement. At the time I resided w/ my parents whom own the house and this is where we all spent the night. Could I have this dismissed on the basis that my parents allowed him to stay the night at their house? My ex filed in early July and we were married July 25th, 2014. I don't know what evidence he has to prove that my husband spent the night other than a text, never admitting to my husband sleeping there, and possible pictures of his vehicle parked outside all night. Would I be able to file something that gave me privy to his evidence? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

In my custody agreement we have the clause that neither party has the opposite sex spend the night while our child is present. My fiancé, now husband, spent the night several occasions and my ex is taking me to court for contempt of our agreement. At the time I resided w/ my parents whom own the house and this is where we all spent the night. Could I have this dismissed on the basis that my parents allowed him to stay the night at their house? My ex filed in early July and we were married July 25th, 2014. I don't know what evidence he has to prove that my husband spent the night other than a text, never admitting to my husband sleeping there, and possible pictures of his vehicle parked outside all night. Would I be able to file something that gave me privy to his evidence? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!
You violated the court order. YOU let your fiancé spend the night several times. Are you planning to lie and say that your child was not around when your fiancé was spending the night? You can engage in discovery and request what evidence he has. Quite frankly you are in contempt.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
You violated the court order. YOU let your fiancé spend the night several times. Are you planning to lie and say that your child was not around when your fiancé was spending the night? You can engage in discovery and request what evidence he has. Quite frankly you are in contempt.
Yes - but would you care to guess at the likely penalty for this particular instance of contempt?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Yes - but would you care to guess at the likely penalty for this particular instance of contempt?
A slap on the wrist and don't do that again. And maybe lifting the restriction for dad so he can do what the OP did. Though she might also find herself paying dad's attorney fees and costs.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
FYI he did live w his fiancé for 6 mos prior to marrying her but thanks for being so judgmental.
It was not being judgmental. It was being honest. You violated the court order. You are therefore likely to be found in contempt of court.
 

tuffbrk

Senior Member
It was not being judgmental. It was being honest. You violated the court order. You are therefore likely to be found in contempt of court.
OG - question - since they are now married - is it a moot point for the court to even hear this now? I realize the motion was filed in July - would the appropriate response have been to file a copy of her marriage license in her response and request to have it dismissed?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
OG - question - since they are now married - is it a moot point for the court to even hear this now? I realize the motion was filed in July - would the appropriate response have been to file a copy of her marriage license in her response and request to have it dismissed?
What I do not understand is why dad is even doing this. He violated the order himself, and he has to realize that its not going to result in anything significant.
 

vmsparks81

Junior Member
I did not file against him bc he did so prior to us coming to an agreement w that clause in it and when I brought it up at the time of court when we came to the agreement his excuse was that they were engaged so it was fine. I should have had it worded to inclUde married or engaged so that was my mistake. What's fine for him isn't for me in every situation in his eyes. I don't know why he is doing it he is married w another child and one on the way. He's jealous I suppose of another man in our child's life and possibly even mine. I was hoping the fact that we are married would make it dismisable but so far I haven't had anyone give me a definite on that, just that I am guilty of it.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I did not file against him bc he did so prior to us coming to an agreement w that clause in it and when I brought it up at the time of court when we came to the agreement his excuse was that they were engaged so it was fine. I should have had it worded to inclUde married or engaged so that was my mistake. What's fine for him isn't for me in every situation in his eyes. I don't know why he is doing it he is married w another child and one on the way. He's jealous I suppose of another man in our child's life and possibly even mine. I was hoping the fact that we are married would make it dismisable but so far I haven't had anyone give me a definite on that, just that I am guilty of it.
You violated the order - it's not something you can undo. As was mentioned above, any penalties are likely to be negligible.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
OG - question - since they are now married - is it a moot point for the court to even hear this now? I realize the motion was filed in July - would the appropriate response have been to file a copy of her marriage license in her response and request to have it dismissed?
Not moot because they were not married at the time of the alleged contempt. Therefore, it is still an issue. But there will be nothing but a slap on the wrist and don't do it again from the court. With maybe dad's attorney fees paid.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I did not file against him bc he did so prior to us coming to an agreement w that clause in it and when I brought it up at the time of court when we came to the agreement his excuse was that they were engaged so it was fine. I should have had it worded to inclUde married or engaged so that was my mistake. What's fine for him isn't for me in every situation in his eyes. I don't know why he is doing it he is married w another child and one on the way. He's jealous I suppose of another man in our child's life and possibly even mine. I was hoping the fact that we are married would make it dismisable but so far I haven't had anyone give me a definite on that, just that I am guilty of it.
Why would it be dismissible? If you were married at the time he spent the night that would be one thing. But you didn't marry until after dad filed.
 

single317dad

Senior Member
I did not file against him bc he did so prior to us coming to an agreement w that clause in it and when I brought it up at the time of court when we came to the agreement his excuse was that they were engaged so it was fine. I should have had it worded to inclUde married or engaged so that was my mistake. What's fine for him isn't for me in every situation in his eyes. I don't know why he is doing it he is married w another child and one on the way. He's jealous I suppose of another man in our child's life and possibly even mine. I was hoping the fact that we are married would make it dismisable but so far I haven't had anyone give me a definite on that, just that I am guilty of it.
You're looking at this all wrong.

What Dad did didn't even violate the order, as there was no order at that time. What you did is what will be heard at this contempt hearing. Since you agreed to the order, you will be held to it to whatever extent the judge sees fit.

If I had an order like this (I do not), the spirit would be to protect our child from a "musical mommies/daddies" situation. If you marry someone and plan to live together for many years, fine, but don't shack up with every bum you bring home from the bar.

Much of your result at this hearing will depend on your judge, and how you present your case. "He did it too" and "we're married now so 'alle, alle auch sind frei'" aren't going to cut it.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
You're looking at this all wrong.

What Dad did didn't even violate the order, as there was no order at that time. What you did is what will be heard at this contempt hearing. Since you agreed to the order, you will be held to it to whatever extent the judge sees fit.

If I had an order like this (I do not), the spirit would be to protect our child from a "musical mommies/daddies" situation. If you marry someone and plan to live together for many years, fine, but don't shack up with every bum you bring home from the bar.

Much of your result at this hearing will depend on your judge, and how you present your case. "He did it too" and "we're married now so 'alle, alle auch sind frei'" aren't going to cut it.
I think that the way that I would put it if I were in the OP's shoes, would be to explain that they were engaged at the time, and married shortly after, and since dad had lived with his wife for six months before they married, it never occurred to her that it would violate the agreement. Then it will be up to the judge to decide how to handle it. I could see a judge giving her a lecture and maybe even requiring her to pay dad's legal fees, but I could also see a judge being irked at dad and dad's attorney for even bringing it forward. It all depends on the judge and possibly what kind of day the judge is having.
Mom did violate the agreement, but dad was also being a bit hypocritical if dad knew that mom was engaged.
 

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