Controlling Visitation

[DISTRESSED DAD]

I am in Ny. This past weekend was my visitation for my son. I get him every other weekend with 2 wks. in summer and half of holidays. My ex lives about 45 min. from me. I drive both ways. This past Thurs. my ex and I went to support Court (again) because she wants more money. To make a long story short, it didn't work the way she wanted. She called that night and asked if I was bringing my son to his soccer and baseball games that weekend,(which she signed him up for on my weekends. These are 1 hr. away.) I told her I didn't think it was a good idea, because these were my days to spend with him as I want. She told me that he wouldn't be there when I got there to pick him up. She'd drop him off Sat. afternoon. I would have no problem bringing my son if he wanted to go, but each time that I've asked him, he's said no. He likes to go fishing with me, or just spending time with my family here. I have a new wife and 4 other children, one being his step sister. My ex feels as though his best interest is playing all these sports, even though he's failing terribly in school. Doesw she have the right to sign him up for these sports on my weekends. I cannot make any plans at all through the weekend. We spend about 5 hrs. just traveling. This is all from a visitation of 5pm on Fri. to 6 pm on Sun. When do I get the chance to "be with my son?"

 

[Ambr]

your time with your son is just that - your time. the ex doesn't have the right to sign the child up for activities on your assigned time.

i would continue to pick your son up for your scheduled visitations. if she interfers and doesn't allow you your time - she is in contempt of court. you need to start keeping detailed records of her refusals and interferrence. then take her back to court. if she won't listen to you maybe she will listen to the judge.

another thing - failing grades can be concern for several things. have you talked with the school about his grades and recommendations. maybe there is something else there than your sons lack of application. most schools have counselors maybe you could check with his.

 

[DISTRESSED DAD]

Yes, I have talked with his teacher. He is seeing a counselor for his anger. There was an incident at the busstop where he pushed a little girl in the road and said "he hoped she'd die" this was because she was picking on his friend. My wife and I have seen alot of anger in him at other times as well. Unfortunatly his mother does not. She sends him to his room most of the time so he is "out of the way." My ex has already been found to do drugs, no food, etc. by Social Services investigation 2 yrs. ago, but because noone in her trailer park would testify it all was dropped. I am currently looking into gaining custody of my son, but I realize this can be difficult for a father. According to teacher, he needs to be worked with more on schooling. I've heard that he is sent up the road to a friends house to do homework. He is currently in 3rd grade and reading and arithmatic are 1st and 2nd grade levels. I'm hoping to gain custody, because I know that I could give him the help he needs. Sports are not the answer at this time. (which his mother thinks is helping him in school) Thanks for your input, any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated in helping put my son where he needs to be.

 

[Ambr]

you might try the counselor at the school. she may be your biggest help. if she can testify that the mom isn't showing parental concern for the childs schooling. if she knows what you know and she isn't making the necesary steps to try and help correct the problem. her lack of concern in this area could help you out.

the anger to. you mention a counselor at school, but have you taken him to a family counselor? it might be something that he is dealing with because of the seperation/divorce and all of the conflict between you and mom. it may be his way of trying to deal with it. he might need help in that area to.

you might try an evaluation for him during your next visit. one for you too. that way you can request one for mom. her psych eval should show if any "dependency" issues are there.

get proof of her drugs, etc. and keep working on the witnesses form the trailer park. i know it is hard because everyone wants to tell you how terrible it is, but no one wants to get involved. i hate that. i have literally told a few that if they don't want to help me change it then don't tell me. i would rather not know if i can't do anything about it. don't give up though - keep working on them. after 6 years i finally have one that is willing to help me. he knows everything and tons more. he has never wanted to "get involved" before. but now he has to.

keep trying with your son and give him all the help that you can. keep praying and don't give up hope.