Corporal Punishment, Step-Mother, Extreme

[issaka]

I'm in Texas, Father in Arkansas

Wow, I just read the post on third party and punishment, and it's exactly what I am going through at this very moment.

After one year of not allowing my daughter to visit her father because of his psychotic wife I finally gave in, because I have not endured harrassment from her for approximately four months. I let my daughter go down for Christmas, with the instruction that she was not to spank my daughter and when he had to go to work he was to leave my daughter with his mother. He did not. He was home for the first six days of her visit. Not one complaint about my child. Then, when he went to work she (step mother for lack of a better word) whipped my daughter with a stick took and took her to his mothers house, dropped her suitcase in the middle of the floor and said I can't control her. According to his sister she did this at 10:30 in the morning. I called several times that day and left messages. I received a call at 9:30 at night informing me that my daughter would not listen to her, was telling her she did not have to do what she said, and so on and she just popped her on the bottom. The father said he was just going to bring her home now. According to my daughter after she ate breakfast the woman told her she would whip her when she wanted to and start hitting her with a stick.
I called the police and they said there has been no crime committed since there are no marks. Am I just supposed to just sit back and let this go?

 

[Isis]

OMG

Even if the police do nothing, they will still have a report on file for future court action.

File a report with family services/child welfare people in Arkansas and in Texas. They should investigate.

Good luck.

 

[issaka]

I called the Police Dept back and informed them that I want to at least have a documented report. They told me that the woman, as a step parent has the right to discipline my child. Hitting her with a stick, according to this police supervisor is not extreme unless it makes marks.
Called the child abuse hotline and i guess they are off for the day. I called twice and was on hold for 45 minutes.
I cannot begin to express the harrassment that I have had to endure from this woman. There has been nothing that I can do legally to prevent it.
I blame the father even more than her, because he thinks it's normal for a new wife to be jealous of the ex. He didn't ask my daughter what happened in the six hour drive back to Texas at 11 at night. The woman told my daughter that she doesn't want her to come back, and if my daughter didnt want her to be a part of the family then her father would not be in her family either. My child is five, she's not making this up. His entire family including his mother has informed me that I should go to court and have his rights revoked. And before this, his mother was his biggest supporter. Something tells me it won't be contested. He only calls once a month and see's her once a year. It has taken this final incident, to make me finally realize that he is only causing her harm. He is not a benefit to her life, and I want to take him to court to relinquish his rights. Can I file the paperwork to relinquish his rights myself in family court. I don't have the finances to hire a lawyer.

 

[FoggyDew]

Relinquishing rights is extreme, and very difficult to push through Texas courts. There are many requirements to be met. If you think that it wouldn't be contested, why not just modify visitation so that he has none? Perhaps he wants this anyway is what you are saying? Or that if he does have visitation, perhaps your modification could be that they be only when he will be home the entire time. It may be normal for the new wife to be jealous of the Ex, but it is not normal to abuse her new stepchild because of it. Are you getting financial support from him?

 

[issaka]

I'm supposed to be getting support. He's payed 3 times in the last twelve months. He spent a brief time (three months) in the military. He said he was so far behind in child support and since I wouldn't waive the arrears they kicked him out. Of course I talked to the commander who informed me his getting kicked out has nothing to do with child support.
What I want is sole custody, and supervised visitation at the most. Although he's not active in her life I don't want to close that door forever, but my daughter has been through alot in her young life and the thought of her having to endure anymore pain just kills me. She was molested a year ago, and he didnt see her for five months. He said it hurt him to much and has never asked about her progress. As far as changing visitation to be ordered only when he will be home. This I already know he will not respect. Again I ask, can I file without a lawyer. If he contests, I know I will have to hire one. But he has been so inactive in her life, I don't think he will.

 

[smh33]

You can file anything you please without a lawyer....our justice system allows you the right to obtain a lawyer but, it is not nec. to use the system. You can request he give up his rights but, not you or a judge can force him to do so without real good cause. Police are right about step....they are married right?....Basically your ex has given step the permission...so legally step is not in wrong....parents believe in and use different styles of punishment. I think 5yrs & spanking with a stick or anything extreme...yet as a child, my father routinely spanked us with belts,switches,wooden spoons,etc and no one blinked an eye. I would just try for changing visitation...if you did not allow for 1yr or more...child probably does not need to restart visits spending long visits...start small...realize this depends on living locations.

 

[ccarter]

Hitting a 5-yr old child with a stick is legal in Texas???? You've got to be kidding me.

 

[issaka]

Wish this was all one big joke but unfortunately it is not. I called CPS and they took a report, but will not investigate as there are no marks.

Have since found out horrific incidence about this woman unrelated to me. She suspected her husband was cheating on her with his cousin, so she wrote on, cut up, and urinated on the clothes of his cousins child. They also suspect but have no evidence that she urinated in the babies medicine. She also has threatened to bomb her house. Police report was made. One of the threats she has made to me. Since my daughter has been back home she has been calling and threatening his mother and sister. Police reports have been made. Not knowing that they are communicating with me, she does this so they will change there number and end all communication with me. Can I use these things in court to keep her away from my child. Or the fact that it is unrelated to me make it irrelevant.

 

[deefran]

If there are any police records of this woman's violent nature and harrassment..they will be taken into consideration when it comes to your child...file for a hearing to modify visitation and have your PROOF..i.e..police records, restraining orders, number of times she has called (if she leaves nasty or harrassing messages on answering machine SAVE them) etc..

By the way...keep calling Child Protective services as there are MANY forms of abuse that don't leave marks...don't give up...take names of each person you speak with and then ask to speak with their boss and so on...
As far as implied permission by the husband to "allow" such abuse that is utter nonsense..it is not the RIGHT of any step-parent to physically discipline another's child...Children are taken away from Bio-parents for same type of abuse...Keep on it and protect the child
Now before all the step-parents get their noses out of whack, it is fine to discipline your step-children, as far as time-outs, grounding, taking away certain rights...but any adult other than the parent of the child (and nowadays this is even iffy as parents are being charged with abuse left and right for spanking their children) has NO LEGAL RIGHT to PHYSICALLY discipline a child.

 

[Rochelle]

As a step-parent myself, I am shocked at this woman's behavior. Good God, what kind of monster hits a child with a stick? I wouldn't even hit MY DOG with a stick, let alone a child.