Could use more support and advice again

[NYMOM]

Many of you are familiar with me from my situation with my stepson but now I need some support and advice for my sons situation. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow but would just like to here what I could be looking at. Here is my situation in a nut shell:

My son will be 4 in Aug...I had not heard from his bio-father in three years until last Dec. At which time he called said he would be in town could he come see my son. I did the "legally" smart thing and said I would agree to meet him in a public place and introduce him to my son as a friend for now until he shows that he was going to be around. He said fine he would call me and let me know when he could meet me.. Well the next day I got a call at 10 pm saying that he was leaving the area again and wouldn't be back for years. I have sole custody...done through court and after two years of no contact I went back to court and had his visitation revoked. My son knows my husband as daddy...this was his choice nobody even mentioned it to him. My son does see his paternal grandmother everyother weekend for a day...I have never made an attempt to keep them apart nor do I intend to do so in the future. My son's bio father( who I was never married to) also does not support my son. When I spoke to him in Dec I tld him that I wanted my husband to adopt my son. He said he wasn't sure he felt comfortable with that but that he was also not comfortable supporting the child. Also I have no idea where my sons bio-father is...the last thing I knew three years ago he was in TN but I have already found that the 3yr old address I have is no good.

My questions are this....If we manage to find him is there a possibility that a judge will still terminate his rights even if he argues??? If we don't find him can his mother argue or stop the adoption? Since it has been so long without contact or support isn't it considered Child abandonment??? If he does argue what are my odds of winning anyway? Does it help that there was an order two years ago terminating his visitation and that he hasn't gone to court to get visitation???

 

[Roscleo]

First have you ever filed for child support or is there a child support order against him? If there is they you could let him know that the arears will continue to add up if he does not agree to the adoption. If there are now arears or child support orders I would warn him that if he did not agree to the adoption then you will go file for child support. One more thing there should be a statute for your state which states how long a time period must go by for it to be considered abandonment.

 

[CMSC]

NYMOM, here is a really good site. If you scroll down you will see that you have every single circumstance that is covered by law to terminate your ex's rights. My suggestion would be to stop worrying about ex's mom or ex interferring and just have hubby start adoption process. Let the courts figure out where your ex is and let them notify him or determine if he needs to volunteer to give up his rights.
Good luck. I guess you had no luck finding out if he has passed away or not. Too bad you couldn't get Grandma subpoenaed(sp.?) to tell where he is or if he has died.

oops! forgot the link http://www.calib.com/nccanch/pubs/sag/groundtermin.cfm

 

[haiku]

As some one who has BTDT, i say start the process, you will not know if he is going to contest or not, until you do, and who knows he may not.(once he contests, then yo ucan decide how far you want to take it) grandma cannot do anything to stop it by herself, so I would not even worry about her.

 

[Grandma B]

My son does see his paternal grandmother everyother weekend for a day...I have never made an attempt to keep them apart nor do I intend to do so in the future.

I'm curious as to who your son thinks the paternal grandmother is. Does he know she's a "grandma" and just not understand that she's related through biodad?

 

[NYMOM]

Grandma B......sorry I should have mentioned this in the earlier post....my son knows that he has a "father" and a "daddy" He knows that his daddy is my husband...which again my son chose on his own...because he takes care of him and loves him and makes sure he has what he needs and does all those things....helps teach him how to do things etc...

Then he knows that it takes a mother and a father to make a baby. He knows that I am his mother and his mommy because I do both. he also knows that he has father. His bio-dad hasn't seen him since he was about 6months old and then he only saw him because he showed at my house to harass me. He hasn't actually had contact with my son since he was two months old.

ryry's mom...from what I have heard I beleive he has not passed away.

Roscleo...no I do not have a support order...never really wanted anything from him and figured it would be like getting blood from a stone but maybe it will help with this situation.

 

[NYMOM]

How do you prove abandonment? Will the fact that his visitation was terminated two years ago and there has been no attempt to regain it help?

 

[tiredmomny]

You just can't handle not being in the middle of some turmoil can you? You are trying to make a nice little family for my son's father and yourself without actually having to have his child aren't you. First you are trying to turn my son into yours...which will never happen. Now you are trying to turn your mistake into my his. I hope your sons bio-father turns up and makes your life miserable. To bad you didn't get your wish...apparently he must not be dead. If you want a child with my son's father so bad why don't you guys just have one instead of trying to change someone else's child into his. My child will never be yours and yours will never be his. Get over it. I can't blame your kids father for leaving....why would he want to be stuck with someone who wants to do nothing but play with little kids and once he got ride of you he probably couldn't stand the thought of being around Mrs. Cleaver. I bet your son is going to be a real Momma's boy.

 

[Roscleo]

NYMOM Hey, any luck with any of the statutes and paper work. Keep us posted on your progress k.
I am ignoring a poster on your thread not worth wasting words.

 

[CMSC]

How do you prove abandonment? Will the fact that his visitation was terminated two years ago and there has been no attempt to regain it help?

I think you have plenty of proof...no contact, no visitation, no support, you can't even get an address for him, that may be enough. Go file the paperwork and worry about the rest when it comes up...Good luck!