Could use some more advice

[father22]

What is the name of your state? PA

I was wondering if you guys could give me some advice on what to do now. If you've been following youll remember that my son lives with me, and my daugheter lives with her mother. We agreed that my son would live with me 6 months ago bc of educational problems he was having. We have no legal custody set up. Were scheduled to go to the initial custody hearing on Tues.


Initially all that I wanted to do was to make our present situation legal. You know have it on paper so that she couldnt keep our son after one of her visits. She got very angry when i told her that I hired a lawyer and had an agreement written up. She refused to sign it, then went the very next day and filed for custody of both kids. So i in turn had my lawyer also draw up a custody complaint for both kids. (She still doesnt know that i filed for custody of my daughter too yet though). I have a lot of evidence about her, harrassing phone calls, terroristic threats, assaults (my wife and i), medical neglect (you should see my sons medical records..they're a mess). My son is doing so well in school now, and his teacher just wrote me a letter for court where he said how wonderful my son is doing, and how much i have been a part of it. He described a wonderful 'home/school connection,' etc. Theres much more but I dont wanna bore you guys.


anyway. she called today and said that she now wants to agree to 50/50 custody. she wants our present situation to stayj how it is now. with me having our son, and her having our daughter..and we switch every other weekend so the kids are together. which does make me mad because this is exactly what i wanted her to agree to months ago. she made me go through all of this crap, and pay my lawyer all of this money, only to agree to what i originally wanted. but its pointless to harp on that i guess.


i really want custody of my daughter too. but i'm afraid that if I try to fight her for it she might decide that she also wants to fight for custody of our son and i'll end up losing him too. he's made so much progess here, i cant imagine losing him. I also think that theres a very good chance that shell eventually send our daughter over here to live with me anyway because shes always saying that shes a monster and that she cant handle her. also that she needs medication, which i dont see at all. shes a 3 year old, a typical 3 year old.


any advice here would be greatly appreciated. my lawyer is out for the weekend, and though i will talk to him on monday, our court date is on tuesday so i dont have a lot of time to figure out what to do. i would kind of like her to tell the judge that she wants our daughter, and that she wants me to have our son. then have my lawyer say that i want both kids. maybe if she says shes willing to give up our son, then he wont want to seperate the siblings and he'll send em both to me? Her only complaint on the paperwork that i received is that

1)i never took a real interest in my kids (our son lives with me! I paid CS for 5 years regularly. i have visitation logs for the past 3 years!)..so thats clearly false
2) she said that she doesnt want her kids growing up apart from each other. (but remember she sent our son to live with me, and was the one that seperated them)


Im very sorry if im rambling on here. Im so stressed about this. I've never been in a situation like this and i want to do whats best for my family. What do you think would be the best ting? To agree to our present situation, and not risk losing our son? Or to fight for our daughter and hope that the judge will agree to send a 3 year old to her NCPs home to live, or to seperate siblings? I have limited funds because of being in the union and being laid off all winter. but i will invest as much as i possibly can, and know that my wife will help too in whatever way she can.

 

[father22]

One more thing i wanted to add. At this exact moment i only have a 2 bedroom house. my 2 sons (one with the exgf, and a baby with my wife) sleep in the same room. And obviously my wife and i share the other bedroom. I was planning on moving this summer anyway. could this be a deciding factor? since i know that boys and girls shouldn't share the same room. Though they are young. i could easily have the baby sleep in our room, and then convert the baby's crib into a toddler bed for my daughter. meaning that my 6 year old son and 3 year old daugher would have to share a room for a couple of months until i could move.

 

[abstract99]

Well first, based on the facts that you have given I do not see how you will lose custody of your son.
Second, both kids should not be separated.
Third, I would go ahead and fight for custody of both of them. I think that your cahnces are pretty good. You would probably have to inform the judge that you are planning on moving in the even that you receive custody of the girl. A judge might be a little hesatant to allow a girl to go share a room with 2 boys. (yeah I read what you wrote, but still)

 

[father22]

Well..I gotta add to that. My baby is only 4 months old. He sleeps in a bassinet in our bedroom now as it is. So she would only be sharing a room with her 6 yr old bro for 3 months tops.

 

[stealth2]

Well..I gotta add to that. My baby is only 4 months old. He sleeps in a bassinet in our bedroom now as it is. So she would only be sharing a room with her 6 yr old bro for 3 months tops.

I don't see this as being a huge issue, especially if you intend to move in short order. My kids shared a room at 5 & 3 for a year, and then the three of us shared a room for another year at 6 & 4. It was never even an issue.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Just wanted to add, another excellent website: www.deltabravo.net

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Well first, based on the facts that you have given I do not see how you will lose custody of your son.

And again, that is WRONG. The fact that no custody order currently exists by default gives legal custody to the mother. There IS no change in custody at this point and therefore, no LOSING custody.

Please read the post carefully.

 

[father22]

Question for you Belize. In the custody complaint that my lawyer drew up, its says that the status quo is that i have custody of our son, and she has custody of our daughter. When she filed her complaint for cusoty she acknowledged that our son resides with me. Also when i made a modification for CS when my son came to live wtih me, the paperwork came back and said that her order was closed because father has custody of 1 child, and mother has custody of 1 child. There was never any kind of legal custody or visitation agreement. Only CS orders. Paternity was established for both kids. So doesnt this mean that i do have custody of him? I respect your advice, but i wonder why custody would legally default to the mother? Since hes not lived there since October by her own admission.

 

[casa]

Question for you Belize. In the custody complaint that my lawyer drew up, its says that the status quo is that i have custody of our son, and she has custody of our daughter. When she filed her complaint for cusoty she acknowledged that our son resides with me. Also when i made a modification for CS when my son came to live wtih me, the paperwork came back and said that her order was closed because father has custody of 1 child, and mother has custody of 1 child. There was never any kind of legal custody or visitation agreement. Only CS orders. Paternity was established for both kids. So doesnt this mean that i do have custody of him? I respect your advice, but i wonder why custody would legally default to the mother? Since hes not lived there since October by her own admission.

I believe it has to do with PA custody guidelines. Some states default custody to mother when there is no existing court order.

 

[father22]

Wow. That seems blatantly sexist doesn't it? Thanks for the reply!