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couple of questions

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JacobJoel

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NM

Would a lawyer be allowed to subpeona telephone records on a parent to prove/disprove an allegation of so much time being spent on the phone that the children are ignored and/or neglected?

yes, i know this is a petty question, i just can't find the answer.

i want to scare someone into just. shutting. up.

seriously.

secondly, is there a basic visitation schedule for new mexico, does anyone know where it is? i've googled for a couple of days because i believe i had one once, but i can't find it.

by visitation i mean, like, two evenings a week and every other week end, spelled out that way?

thanks in advance for all your extremely helpful and sometime slightly sardonic, sadistic and even evil responses.

and for those who care, things actually have gotten MUCH better.
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
If there is an open case then lawyers can subpoena a LOT of records regarding the parties including phone records. A reason may not even be necessary unless the subpoena is challenged. So yes I could subpoena a party's phone records to see what it shows.
Also try individual counties in New Mexico as well as searching for the New Mexico DR statutes.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
You are the best!

however, i have no clue as to what you are saying here:
Regarding a basic visitation schedule in New Mexico, look to the individual counties -- I do not know if it is state wide but some counties may post a visitation on their websites.
 

JacobJoel

Member
Phone

SD's constant, harping complaint is that she is physically abused by siblings (evidenced by bruises that could come from anyone and anywhere).

i have patiently telling/reminding her that she needs to go to her mother when her siblings are pestering her so her mom can take care of her.

her response is "mom is always on the phone and gets mad at me for interrupting her. she never listens to me, she only talks to ....."

the situation is greater then this small bite of information but finally i sat her down and said "look, what you are saying is that your mom is allowing abuse to happen to you while you are in her care AND you are saying that she is neglecting you by her constant phone use, that she is never with you because she is either working, working out or at church AND that she is leaving you with your grandmother who treats you likewise. these things are issues that could get you moved over here w/your dad if they are true, all your dad needs to do is have a lawyer subpeona your mom's work records, research her church attendance and get copies of her phone records. these things will tell a pretty convincing story to a judge and he could order a change of living arrangements for you. Now. is this what you want?"

note: dad is highly strict w/daughter. there is no television, he doesn't do movies, dances, etc., and daughter doesn't particularly care for me because i 'know everything' when she is acting up/out.

in short, she does NOT want to live here.

and i do not want her slandering either parent, as much as i am able to discourage it. i already know she trashes me to mom and i know what she says and how it is recieved. oh. well.

so. i said the above and i stand by it because it shut sd up (at least for the moment).

then i decided to see if i was blowing smoke or not. seems i am not.

i already told her mother i said it, mom already blew a gasket and got over it. she now agrees that daughter has issues that needs to be addressed. however, i am not the person mom needs to address these issues with, dad is.

and yes, i know dad should have had that convo. the moment arrived and i flowed with it.

but the short answer to your question is this: it's mom's phone. mom doesn't have a landline, she only has a cell phone. i figured a little research would reveal the number/length of calls mom has on the phone during peak child rearing times and that would be the point of the phone records. it would not be JUST the amount of time on the phone, it would be the whole picture of who the child is with and what kind of parenting can be had.

anyway. mom has PC but she has a life and the kids are being brought up by mom's mom who hates their dad.

TIM, 'eh?
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
SD's constant, harping complaint is that she is physically abused by siblings (evidenced by bruises that could come from anyone and anywhere).

i have patiently telling/reminding her that she needs to go to her mother when her siblings are pestering her so her mom can take care of her.

her response is "mom is always on the phone and gets mad at me for interrupting her. she never listens to me, she only talks to ....."

the situation is greater then this small bite of information but finally i sat her down and said "look, what you are saying is that your mom is allowing abuse to happen to you while you are in her care AND you are saying that she is neglecting you by her constant phone use, that she is never with you because she is either working, working out or at church AND that she is leaving you with your grandmother who treats you likewise. these things are issues that could get you moved over here w/your dad if they are true, all your dad needs to do is have a lawyer subpeona your mom's work records, research her church attendance and get copies of her phone records. these things will tell a pretty convincing story to a judge and he could order a change of living arrangements for you. Now. is this what you want?"

note: dad is highly strict w/daughter. there is no television, he doesn't do movies, dances, etc., and daughter doesn't particularly care for me because i 'know everything' when she is acting up/out.

in short, she does NOT want to live here.

and i do not want her slandering either parent, as much as i am able to discourage it. i already know she trashes me to mom and i know what she says and how it is recieved. oh. well.

so. i said the above and i stand by it because it shut sd up (at least for the moment).

then i decided to see if i was blowing smoke or not. seems i am not.

i already told her mother i said it, mom already blew a gasket and got over it. she now agrees that daughter has issues that needs to be addressed. however, i am not the person mom needs to address these issues with, dad is.

and yes, i know dad should have had that convo. the moment arrived and i flowed with it.

but the short answer to your question is this: it's mom's phone. mom doesn't have a landline, she only has a cell phone. i figured a little research would reveal the number/length of calls mom has on the phone during peak child rearing times and that would be the point of the phone records. it would not be JUST the amount of time on the phone, it would be the whole picture of who the child is with and what kind of parenting can be had.

anyway. mom has PC but she has a life and the kids are being brought up by mom's mom who hates their dad.

TIM, 'eh?
JJ...I'm not sure that was the best route to take...you have reinforced for the children that you and dad are the bad ones**************
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
How do you PROVE that it is mom on a cell phone? For example, my daughter uses MY phone because I don't have long distance service on my landline. So, is it me, or daughter on my phone?
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
How do you PROVE that it is mom on a cell phone? For example, my daughter uses MY phone because I don't have long distance service on my landline. So, is it me, or daughter on my phone?
well....with proper questioning before hand, and with matching to phone numbers at times of call with people who are either mom's friends or kid's friends....BUT

I still don't think this was the way to go...I think the child could have been encouraged to discuss the matter with the school guidance counselor, or CPS should have been called
 

CJane

Senior Member
Alright JJ - since you asked.

I think, knowing THIS child lies. And THIS child is known for playing people against each other. And THIS child is an attention seeker - even if it's negative attention...

I think that it's possible that Mom IS on the phone a lot. And that she's very dedicated to her church and her job and perhaps even the gym. And I think that's ok.

I don't think it's ok that the other kids are being physical w/the little one, but neither is that something that will alter custody. And it's perhaps something that could be better handled in teaching the child to stand up for herself, helping her develop the self-esteem and perhaps self-defense mechanisms and some conflict resolution skills that don't involve violence.

Those are gifts that Dad and You could give her. THOSE tools will also likely eliminate her 'need' to seek negative attention.

Moms are busy these days. I work full-time, work out, take care of the kids and cats and dog and chickens and help with homework and cook dinner and do the laundry and keep a seriously clean house and still spend a ton of time on the phone. It's not anyone's business HOW MUCH time I'm on the phone or sitting on my azz. Just not.

And yes, sometimes, when the kids are at each other and being turds and yes, even poking at each other, I'm 'too busy' to come to their rescue and I let them settle it themselves.
 

swrdmbo

Member
You said

"look, what you are saying is that your mom is allowing abuse to happen to you while you are in her care AND you are saying that she is neglecting you by her constant phone use, that she is never with you because she is either working, working out or at church AND that she is leaving you with your grandmother who treats you likewise. these things are issues that could get you moved over here w/your dad if they are true, all your dad needs to do is have a lawyer subpeona your mom's work records, research her church attendance and get copies of her phone records. these things will tell a pretty convincing story to a judge and he could order a change of living arrangements for you. Now. is this what you want?"

note: dad is highly strict w/daughter. there is no television, he doesn't do movies, dances, etc., and daughter doesn't particularly care for me because i 'know everything' when she is acting up/out.

in short, she does NOT want to live here.


So your solution was to threaten her...saying you could look up how much time is used by all those terrible things her mother does...like work,go to church,and exercise AND talk on the phone.....and THEN SHE WOULD HAVE TO COME AND LIVE WITH HER DAD (and you)!

Nice...

It's obvious you don't want her living with you so cut her Mother a break.
 

onebreath

Member
I agree with the last poster. To me, it seems child came to you, was complaining, probably honest, and you basically gave her the choice of dealing with her issues of making a decision of moms vs dads house. I don't know how old she is, but if under 15 I think the conversation was very inappropriate. Child is having an issue...I don't think it should be turned into a major drama for the child as to moms vs dads house. If an attempt to shut the kid up (which is sounds like) then that is not really supportive of the child either. The child is having needs...how do they get met?

I know I get complaints from my daughter, about her dad, about her teacher. After conversations its sometimes hard to find the truth. However I have learned one thing...kids do often push each other around unless they all happen to be highly evolved and/or parented kids...and when a kid speaks up around it, I have come to see its a cry for help in dealing with those issues. I personally don't see mom on the phone as being the culprit...if she is truly ignoring her kids' needs...then she will do that one way or the other anyway.

The only thing DAD can do is simply talk to mom, perhaps over time she will get that he believes this is an issue and the child could use some parental involvement. I do love the parents I know who let the kids "work things out on their own". Its a judgement call if its truly a problem, to me, if a child speaks up around it, it IS a problem for them and a cry for help.

So have dad start communicating with mom. Perhaps he can introduce the conversation by his own exp with the issue and how he is learning to deal with it with the child, I don't know.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
And, once again, what OP "wants" is completely moot. This is not her child and she is overstepping in a major way.
 

JacobJoel

Member
It doesn't matter

Jane you nailed and so did a few others who are actually in the 'know' on this, but it doesn't really matter, how i handled seems to have closed the deal on her running back and forth carrying tales.

do i want her here? it is moot, i have laid out for her father how obscenely easy it would be for him to get custody of his children numerous times, mom is so in contempt it is contemptible that she still has custody AND it is proveable, starting with her denying him half his visitation since day one.

dad is doing nothing.

mom is not any better in the least, she absolutely believes that she lives in a glass bubble, that the kids are HER possesion and no one will ever take them from her. mind you, she doesn't want to actually parent, she just doesn't want dad to have the kids.

dad is a six time black belt in judo and kids are well able to take care of themselves. girl child is twice the size of boy child, and i have seen them rumble, she never loses.

i have been treated horribly in this situation, to the point where i have to question my sanity as to why i was still here. only recently have things started to gel a little.

i don't even care if what i said could be construed as overstepping, i've been so careful in my actions and words for the past two years that i finally got to the point where a little reality check for everyone concerned was my final option.

and jane, i know your parenting style. you are actually present when you are with your kids. this mom? i don't know. it doesn't matter. when she blew her gasket i asked her straight up what she thought dad's reaction was going to be should daughter even HINT that one of mom's boyfriends or even her new husband had hurt one of his kids in any fashion.

i've been accused of so much garbage over here that it boggles my brain, if one of the kids throw that back into dad's face from the other side, i.e., a boyfriend or step father?

just might be what breaks hubby's stoic non-response to this stupid situation.

but thanks for the feedback. it's all good for future interaction.
 

JacobJoel

Member
cutting mom a break

whoever said 'you cut mom a break' is right, i DID cut mom and break.

not only that i was specific in how i did it, if she were smart she would have noted what was said to her and responded appropriately.

she was not and did not.

so, again, i just don't care. i want peace in my home and a sneaky, conniving, accusing child does not contribute to said peace.
 

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