Court Next Week - Help With Proving Mom Unfit

[mommabearx1]

I think you should stop talking now. You've gotten as far as you can get on this board with THIS gem.

I have a question then for the Sr.'s.

If he was given phone visitation and 7 days after Christmas, would that mean the the mother was given temproary custody until a future hearing. Also can he still file to have the child brought back to TN since it has only been 3 months?

 

[evieshields]

just a thought.....

Single dad, i lived in TN for many years and yeah, putting your hands on someone is legally considered assault..however in this case, from what you've shared, there are no police reports, no hospital records, no testimony that would support ongoing abuse and she never filed assault charges at the time.
I would have to wager that the "my word against yours" path would apply and that the judge will likely only consider actual pending charges and current situation. My thinking would be to go into the courtroom prepared to share with the judge that you will go to counseling, have begun going to al-anon meetings and show proof of income and stable housing.
Go in with a reasonable visitation plan, should you be given custody, that will give mom liberal time with your daughter and think you'll have a chance. Good luck.

 

[SingleDadNTN]

I have a question then for the Sr.'s.

If he was given phone visitation and 7 days after Christmas, would that mean the the mother was given temproary custody until a future hearing. Also can he still file to have the child brought back to TN since it has only been 3 months?

The court order reads that I have temp joint custody and visitation as you stated. Judge ruled that jurisdiction is to remain in TN as custody was filed within 1 month of them being down there. Residency is 6 months as required by UCCJEA.

So if there was truly a case against me being an abusive and violent person, according to UCCJEA her atty would have brought up the abuse in court, stated that mom could not come to court because of abuse and emotional damage (not because she cant afford it) and that TX be awarded emergency jurisdiction on the basis of domestic violence being present and would have asked for no visitation.

So the way I see this playing out is if she comes to court on the 12th and tries to play the abuse card the judge would have to ask how come atty didnt mention this before, if hes so violent and abusive why would atty agree to unsupervised visitation. I think a judge will see right thru it. Abuse was not brought up nor mention as concern in first hearing but now all of a sudden it's an issue?

 

[Isis1]

The court order reads that I have temp joint custody and visitation as you stated. Judge ruled that jurisdiction is to remain in TN as custody was filed within 1 month of them being down there. Residency is 6 months as required by UCCJEA.

So if there was truly a case against me being an abusive and violent person, according to UCCJEA her atty would have brought up the abuse in court, stated that mom could not come to court because of abuse and emotional damage (not because she cant afford it) and that TX be awarded emergency jurisdiction on the basis of domestic violence being present and would have asked for no visitation.

So the way I see this playing out is if she comes to court on the 12th and tries to play the abuse card the judge would have to ask how come atty didnt mention this before, if hes so violent and abusive why would atty agree to unsupervised visitation. I think a judge will see right thru it. Abuse was not brought up nor mention as concern in first hearing but now all of a sudden it's an issue?

then the question is, do you plan on LYING under the penalty of purgery?

 

[Ohiogal]

Single dad, i lived in TN for many years and yeah, putting your hands on someone is legally considered assault..however in this case, from what you've shared, there are no police reports, no hospital records, no testimony that would support ongoing abuse and she never filed assault charges at the time.
I would have to wager that the "my word against yours" path would apply and that the judge will likely only consider actual pending charges and current situation. My thinking would be to go into the courtroom prepared to share with the judge that you will go to counseling, have begun going to al-anon meetings and show proof of income and stable housing.
Go in with a reasonable visitation plan, should you be given custody, that will give mom liberal time with your daughter and think you'll have a chance. Good luck.

You are wrong. It is NOT "my word against yours". HE the aggressor admits it. And abuse is NOT about injury. It is about control. That is what the OP is failing to understand. You THINK he will have a chance? WHO are you?

 

[mommabearx1]

The court order reads that I have temp joint custody and visitation as you stated. Judge ruled that jurisdiction is to remain in TN as custody was filed within 1 month of them being down there. Residency is 6 months as required by UCCJEA.

So if there was truly a case against me being an abusive and violent person, according to UCCJEA her atty would have brought up the abuse in court, stated that mom could not come to court because of abuse and emotional damage (not because she cant afford it) and that TX be awarded emergency jurisdiction on the basis of domestic violence being present and would have asked for no visitation.

So the way I see this playing out is if she comes to court on the 12th and tries to play the abuse card the judge would have to ask how come atty didnt mention this before, if hes so violent and abusive why would atty agree to unsupervised visitation. I think a judge will see right thru it. Abuse was not brought up nor mention as concern in first hearing but now all of a sudden it's an issue?

Now this is just a newbie asking but who has primary? I would think it is safe to say you have simple LD visitation like you were told you were going to get in the beginning if you didn't file to have your daughter returned. So now you have to show a COC to have primary cusotdy given to you. And it has to be a change for th e child is this correct Sr's?

 

[SingleDadNTN]

Single dad, i lived in TN for many years and yeah, putting your hands on someone is legally considered assault..however in this case, from what you've shared, there are no police reports, no hospital records, no testimony that would support ongoing abuse and she never filed assault charges at the time.
I would have to wager that the "my word against yours" path would apply and that the judge will likely only consider actual pending charges and current situation. My thinking would be to go into the courtroom prepared to share with the judge that you will go to counseling, have begun going to al-anon meetings and show proof of income and stable housing.
Go in with a reasonable visitation plan, should you be given custody, that will give mom liberal time with your daughter and think you'll have a chance. Good luck.

Evan,

you are the first to actually bring that up and from researching more just now, alot of custody is based on factual evidence not he said, she said. You are right, there is no records of anything as there is nothing. I alos would like to point out that noone has asked me if Mom was ever violent with me while she was drunk. See where there have been no reports filed against me I have 3 filed against mom. 1 for destroying almost everything in APt one drunken night, 1 for throwing glasses and vases at me after i dumped her beer out and 1 for when she actually hit me when she found out that i took her battery out of her car. Some of you had mentioned before that i was controlling and tried not to help her problem. I tried everything. we tried AA, 2 sessions of 12 week intensive outpatient addiction programs (part of the financial obligations I had because i took loans out to pay for them) at bradford in Nashville, almost got her to go inpatient a few times at a nice ranch but she would never go. I tried and tried to help her. I am guilty of enabling her as well. at times i would buy her booze as i was at a point where i realized even if i say no she will get someone to bring it, someone to come and get her. there was no stopping her, if she wanted it, she would get it.

 

[SingleDadNTN]

then the question is, do you plan on LYING under the penalty of purgery?

No of course not. If it comes up I will let the judge know about it. I will tell him I did it and here are the circumstances that lead up to me making that decision and that i regret making that choice now from counseling and al-anon meetings. Judge will decide from that point.

 

[SingleDadNTN]

Now this is just a newbie asking but who has primary? I would think it is safe to say you have simple LD visitation like you were told you were going to get in the beginning if you didn't file to have your daughter returned. So now you have to show a COC to have primary cusotdy given to you. And it has to be a change for th e child is this correct Sr's?

Unmarried fathers have no rights. Mother has sole custody. I have been deemed by the court as the adjudicated father from previous 07 dependent neglect charge. From my research sine i was not married to her i dont have to show COC. I am petitioning the court for full custody. I have to prove that the child's best interests are to be with the father. the judge will then either agree or say no mom is PCP -primary custodial parent and we have joint custody with visitation.

 

[SingleDadNTN]

Curveball - What Now

I just got the best phone call in the world from her atty. Mom is now willing to try to work on parenting plan. Atty said she would send proposed copy over shortly. Atty said she will ask judge to grant me temporary physical custody until mom completes her treatment program. Apparently mom got DUI last night and will entering in an inpatient 90+ day program in TX. When mom finishes we will go back to court.

Ok so I dont have to agree to this right? I mean I can say no and that temporary isn't good enough. I mean there is no guarantee mom will be able to kick habit after 1 go around. I have heard about people struggling for years on path to recovery.

I think the lawyer thinks I'm stupid or something. (LOL...i know to some of you i am) Will a judge do that? Give temp custody to me while mom cleans up?

 

[mommabearx1]

Unmarried fathers have no rights.
Well I don't think that statement is true, considering my XH got primary of his son and they were never married, but I could just not be understanding what your saying there.

Mother has sole custody. I have been deemed by the court as the adjudicated father from previous 07 dependent neglect charge. From my research sine i was not married to her i dont have to show COC. I am petitioning the court for full custody. I have to prove that the child's best interests are to be with the father.

But you have already let her stay in TX for almost 4 months, so wouldn't you now have toshow why if it was in the child's best interest to be with that father, you didn't have her returned to the state immediately after she left? And I know you it was said on this site that you thought she would be fine down there because of the grandparents, but now you are saying you have had a change of mind, which would mean you would have to show a COC because you agreed it was fine for her to be done there for this much time?

 

[mommabearx1]

My question is no longer

The Sr.s will tell you but my question is nill if they are agreeabley offering temp physical custody.

 

[Ohiogal]

I just got the best phone call in the world from her atty. Mom is now willing to try to work on parenting plan. Atty said she would send proposed copy over shortly. Atty said she will ask judge to grant me temporary physical custody until mom completes her treatment program. Apparently mom got DUI last night and will entering in an inpatient 90+ day program in TX. When mom finishes we will go back to court.

Ok so I dont have to agree to this right? I mean I can say no and that temporary isn't good enough. I mean there is no guarantee mom will be able to kick habit after 1 go around. I have heard about people struggling for years on path to recovery.

I think the lawyer thinks I'm stupid or something. (LOL...i know to some of you i am) Will a judge do that? Give temp custody to me while mom cleans up?

Yeah you could get temp custody -- and mom can get custody back after she cleans up. Temporary custody is not the same as custody -- either legal or physical -- in that it does not require a COC to change.

 

[peppier]

IsabellaSoriano. I guess I owe you an apology. I have found thru al-anon and other sites that usually its the male that is the drunk and mom is good. I havent been able to really connect with another male whom was in my shoes with mom being the drunk one. I really do wish I had the strength and knowledge you had when I was faced with similar circumstances. I am only 23 so I am probably minimum 10 years younger than most of you and do not have the amount of knowledge you all have. I know now that there was a better way to handle it and I can admit that i did not handle it the right way. I can't change the past. I can only learn from my mistakes and make sure they dont happen again

You definitely did the right thing going to Al-Anon, living with an alcoholic changes you pushes your buttons.

The reason you haven't found many men, especially of your age, is that a lot of them are in denial and the vast majority of the them skedaddle, the percentage back in the day was 90% of men left their alcoholic wives.

Keep going, seriously work the program and learn because you are probably a co-dependent personality and you don't want to make the same mistake again.

I worked hard and was lucky my husband got sober and we're still married, but I've seen some of my friends jump from the frying pan and into the fire.

 

[onebreath]

Oh my G... definitely agree to temporary custody if its an option. This is your only choice...well you could say no and let the grandparents become temporary legal guardians??? Why in one million years, you are wanting to see and care for your child are you even asking? I am shocked! What are you trying to prove here? Maybe you are just truly naive legally...I know I have been, and still am in areas' I am not familiar with. So given that, temporary custody is not considered a legal excuse to forgo the chance of permanent custody at a later date. Given that this may/would happen (just assuming for the moment), yes, there is a future court date set for you and your ex....presume now its after 3 months from now...you have the chance to gain major credibility with temporary physical custody insofar as having a more firm place in your childs life whenever a permanent custody order may be set. (already the child would be back in Tn....that nips that problem in the bud)

Mind you, me and my ex went to court for years with changes in custody, shared, physical, before any kind of permanent custody was set. MY understanding (please correct me seniors if I am wrong) is it doesn't make a huge day to day difference whether the custody is temporary or permanent....if you are deemed fit to raise your child soley for the next several months...just take it for what its worth....its not like you will go back to square A after this, unless you manage to find a way to seriously screw up. I apologize I could not make my wording more succinct, clear, simpler. I simply wonder by your questions (via your ex's attorneys' phone call) if you are seriously contemplating, literally, throwing the baby out with the bathwater. You want a major role in your childs life....here is your opportunity, and you are asking if you should refuse????? The attorney does NOT have the right to give you permanent custody...ONLY the judge can do that, at the next hearing and frankly, I would wait and see whats happening then before you ask.

I would ASK (vs demand) that you have shared legal custody...as you will need to be able to make major decisions for the childs well being the next few months....child back in school in TN, taking child to doctor, dentist, making those decisions. Will there be a quick hearing soon to determine all of this? If so, where?

Also, do what you can to get childcare so that you can continue with Al-Anon, and whatever other support you need so that you don't wind up in the same dynamic with mom, ever again. Hands off, and in case it does come up at the next hearing or trial, get support and counseling/Al-Anon so you are working on your stuff. The person to benefit is your child.

Weigh out any issues other than the current emergency when you go to court later on....yes, get prepared but don't haggle with her attorney over them now.

Another option to consider, I think there are a few counselors available to do play therapy with children starting at the age of three (I started looking when my child was two...thats what I got back then), see if your insurance policy may cover something like that because this would/will be hugely confusing and disturbing for your young one.