Court Room Nerves

[JustAMom2five]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? SD

I am going to court first thing in the morning and although I feel pretty good about most of it (my lawyer said it is so the judge can hear my Ex's defense to the temp order and to rule on the more permanent custody and visitation)...

I have a real anxiety about court rooms in general. It's as bad as some people hating needles.

I have only been in a court room two other times... once when I tried doing my own divorce (it went fine but opened my eyes to that particular judges dislike for pro se) and the other time was when I was 8 and I testified against a child molester. Is there any thing you could suggest to help me calm my unnecessarily unsteady nerves....

 

[penelope10]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? SD

I am going to court first thing in the morning and although I feel pretty good about most of it (my lawyer said it is so the judge can hear my Ex's defense to the temp order and to rule on the more permanent custody and visitation)...

I have a real anxiety about court rooms in general. It's as bad as some people hating needles.

I have only been in a court room two other times... once when I tried doing my own divorce (it went fine but opened my eyes to that particular judges dislike for pro se) and the other time was when I was 8 and I testified against a child molester. Is there any thing you could suggest to help me calm my unnecessarily unsteady nerves....

Sorry, just now saw your post. Getting a good night's sleep always helps me

 

[JustAMom2five]

That probably would have helped...

Of course it went better then I had imagined.
My ex appeared by phone and the judge extended the temp order, voided the undertaking, ordered my ex to immediately get a multi drug screen done and to have that and his evolution faxed over. We have another court hearing in two weeks and the judge let my lawyer know he would give him the test results when he got them.

I am happy with it so far though. The judge told "us"... him that he does not tolerate drugs at ALL. He said that dependant on the test results visitation was to be at an absolute halt. He told him that he has stripped both parents of parental rights before when both were doing drugs, and that as far as he is concerned any drugs means NO kids.

My ex had lied to me and told me that he wasn't paying child support because he had to pay for him and his lawyer to come down for the hearing, he not only didn't come down but he doesn't have a lawyer. Not that there is a specific issue with him being pro se or with him not paying to come all the way here (close to 400 miles) for a hearing that lasted 20min, but his lies are getting so old. (oh well though.. I can not make him a more honest person... just keeps me motivated to do what is legally with in my rights to make SURE he keeps drugs away from the kids)

He told the judge that he would have no problem doing the test and that he is already going through classes. I'm thinking good for him! If he has gotten the picture and this extra "encouragement" from the judge will help... then we (him, the kids and myself) are well on our way to a more simplified/happier life.

 

[JustAMom2five]

Update

I had talked to my ex this last Friday and he said that he had "done fine" concerning the drug test. I was happy but not surprised... it had been almost four weeks since his raid and it only takes a few weeks to get "clean". I asked him if he was coming down for court so he could see the kids afterwards. He said no that he couldn't afford it. The conversation went well and I had high hopes for things to calm down as soon.

Monday comes and I show up for court... he's not there but I knew he wouldn't be. He calls in and the judge asks him if he has gotten a lawyer yet. He hasn't, the judge told him that it would be in his best interest to get one if he wanted to object to his decision. He addressed the court and my ex and said that he had received his drug screening results and that he tested positive for marijuana. Yes I was shocked but I just sat and listened. He told my lawyer that we could either set up another hearing or we could let his decision set for awhile. He said that he was allowing my ex to keep joint legal but told him specifically that he was only doing that so my ex could get documents on his own. He told me that I was "the driver" as the custodial parent and that I had decision making rights. That part confused me a little but hey he's the judge.. right.
Then he told my ex that I had the right to request a drug test at any time, I would pay for the first one and if it came back positive he would pay for all of the rest. Then he told him that he has visitation rights. Supervised at a local facility (local to me), supervised by a doctor.. he let them know he would have to give me 7 days notice of his intent to visit and if it cleared with my schedule and the doctors then he could visit with the kids. He also informed him that he would be having to pay $60 an hour at this place. My ex asked how long he would have to do things this way and the judge said "till I say otherwise".

Then it was over...

My heart was pounding... I was upset he had lied to me, and in shock over just how stupid I felt like my ex had been. My lawyer told me it was a good thing and it's what we wanted.. that I should be happy. Well I was and am.. I am glad the judge is doing what needs to be done to ensure the kids aren't around that kind of lifestyle.
I just think that inside I know he probably won't make the effort or pay the price to see the kids. My lawyer is writing up the order and then maybe things will seem more clear to me but does it happen this way often... that it seems to be indefinite that I have the right to ask for drug tests and that he has supervised visits.