What is the name of your state? Oregon, Son resides in NY?
Honestly not sure if this goes into this forum or another, but it's all tied together and convoluted. This is long. Sorry.
Son lived with me for a little over a year here in Oregon after his mother left him at home in NY while she was out of the country. Long story short, A cps case was opened against her in 2016 for abandoning him without enough provisions when he was 17. It was closed relatively quickly as son had arrived at my home here in Oregon. He had a well-child checkup at the Police station and Mom agreed to son living with me while on a conference call with CPS. CPS closed the case. All is well. (background info)
Son and mom had kept in touch during this time. He was going to therapy. Working towards his GED, and had obtained a part-time job. In October of 2017, Mom convinced our son that he would be better off living with her. At this point in time, he was 18 with his 19th birthday right around the corner. Legally an adult. He went back to live with mom against my wishes, but being an adult, I couldn't stop him.
Custody was never switched over on either side due to his age. Of course. Support was never transferred out of state due to NY not transferring cases as long as one parent is in the state? This is at least what I was informed when I contacted the court in NY. Although, support was transferred over so that I received support instead of mom. In December, court date to transfer back over to mom. Initial appearance, Support Magistrate ordered that enough was enough. (Same magistrate for the past 20 years, think she was done with the shenanigans) No more support to be paid by either party. Mom had to be physically removed from the court room. Magistrate recused herself. New Magistrate, another court appearance in January.
I appeared telephonically. During the proceedings, I found out that Son was not in school, nor in any GED or further education program. He was not in therapy or receiving any medication management for his diagnosis. Mom's words: "He's working on himself". He did obtain a part-time job at a local grocery store working 15 hours a week. Son was now 19. Mom was awarded support along with the retroactive for the two months that he lived with her before the court date.
Now, I'm including info based on occurrence and not on order of priority.
During this process, I was working 2 jobs. One full-time, one part-time to stay afloat. First issue was new Magistrate failed to file the court order until the end of March. Arrears/Retroactive piled up. I contacted support and the court about this but got no where. Just had to wait. Supposed to be taking amount directly out of paychecks. Couldn't send payment in because there was no case number assigned yet.
With the arrears/retroactive adding up, support sent out an IWO to both my employers, (as standard practice, I understand this, but come on) and to add insult to injury, since by the computer's info, I was supposed to start paying back in October, and hadn't (due to previous paragraph) there was also a 50% overage added in to catch up on the arrears. So, not only was not one, but two jobs sending in payments but I was also paying an amount above and beyond the court order. Support assures me that once they receive these payments that they'll stop the second order. That was two pay cycles ago. I was just paid $106 for this pay cycle out of the part time job and rent is due.
Now after all of this, I've been contacted by a family member that my son had been kicked out by his mother apparently back in March and he was contacting in-laws (resides in Son's town) of my sister (lives in another state) stating he had no food, no money, and no phone and needed help. Police were called. Mother couldn't account for his whereabouts but that was all that was done on that end. A report. I told my sister that if she or her in-laws hear from him again, to please tell him to get in contact with me. I had a phone for him and could help him. Radio silence.
I don't believe he will contact me, severe case of Parental Alienation going on as sad as it is. I've contacted a lawyer about this situation and his statement to me was that it would cost more in the long run to lawyer up than it would to just shut up and pay. That there would be nothing stopping her from bringing him back into the household. Which I would be good with. At least then I would know that he's ok!
Now, my questions are thus:
Can I call CPS, and/or the Police to do a well-child visit even if he's 19? I have been searching for him to the best of my ability on this end and have the word out for him to contact me and that I will help him.
How could I prove that Son is not living with mom anymore to overturn this order?
Is this order even able to be overturned?
Can I request an accounting of how the support is being spent on Son?
Could I request that support goes directly to Son? (even if for some reason he's found his way back to his mother's but she refuses to disclose his whereabouts and well-being to me)
I'd feel much better knowing that this was going directly to his well-being. I understand the running of a household requires funding, but with him turning 20 in November, and obviously his home life is not stable, I'd rather have him have the funds directly so that he can keep a roof over his head, even if that means paying his mother rent.
I'm sorry this is so long. I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. With the age he is, there is only so much I can do to help him, while also protecting myself.
Honestly not sure if this goes into this forum or another, but it's all tied together and convoluted. This is long. Sorry.
Son lived with me for a little over a year here in Oregon after his mother left him at home in NY while she was out of the country. Long story short, A cps case was opened against her in 2016 for abandoning him without enough provisions when he was 17. It was closed relatively quickly as son had arrived at my home here in Oregon. He had a well-child checkup at the Police station and Mom agreed to son living with me while on a conference call with CPS. CPS closed the case. All is well. (background info)
Son and mom had kept in touch during this time. He was going to therapy. Working towards his GED, and had obtained a part-time job. In October of 2017, Mom convinced our son that he would be better off living with her. At this point in time, he was 18 with his 19th birthday right around the corner. Legally an adult. He went back to live with mom against my wishes, but being an adult, I couldn't stop him.
Custody was never switched over on either side due to his age. Of course. Support was never transferred out of state due to NY not transferring cases as long as one parent is in the state? This is at least what I was informed when I contacted the court in NY. Although, support was transferred over so that I received support instead of mom. In December, court date to transfer back over to mom. Initial appearance, Support Magistrate ordered that enough was enough. (Same magistrate for the past 20 years, think she was done with the shenanigans) No more support to be paid by either party. Mom had to be physically removed from the court room. Magistrate recused herself. New Magistrate, another court appearance in January.
I appeared telephonically. During the proceedings, I found out that Son was not in school, nor in any GED or further education program. He was not in therapy or receiving any medication management for his diagnosis. Mom's words: "He's working on himself". He did obtain a part-time job at a local grocery store working 15 hours a week. Son was now 19. Mom was awarded support along with the retroactive for the two months that he lived with her before the court date.
Now, I'm including info based on occurrence and not on order of priority.
During this process, I was working 2 jobs. One full-time, one part-time to stay afloat. First issue was new Magistrate failed to file the court order until the end of March. Arrears/Retroactive piled up. I contacted support and the court about this but got no where. Just had to wait. Supposed to be taking amount directly out of paychecks. Couldn't send payment in because there was no case number assigned yet.
With the arrears/retroactive adding up, support sent out an IWO to both my employers, (as standard practice, I understand this, but come on) and to add insult to injury, since by the computer's info, I was supposed to start paying back in October, and hadn't (due to previous paragraph) there was also a 50% overage added in to catch up on the arrears. So, not only was not one, but two jobs sending in payments but I was also paying an amount above and beyond the court order. Support assures me that once they receive these payments that they'll stop the second order. That was two pay cycles ago. I was just paid $106 for this pay cycle out of the part time job and rent is due.
Now after all of this, I've been contacted by a family member that my son had been kicked out by his mother apparently back in March and he was contacting in-laws (resides in Son's town) of my sister (lives in another state) stating he had no food, no money, and no phone and needed help. Police were called. Mother couldn't account for his whereabouts but that was all that was done on that end. A report. I told my sister that if she or her in-laws hear from him again, to please tell him to get in contact with me. I had a phone for him and could help him. Radio silence.
I don't believe he will contact me, severe case of Parental Alienation going on as sad as it is. I've contacted a lawyer about this situation and his statement to me was that it would cost more in the long run to lawyer up than it would to just shut up and pay. That there would be nothing stopping her from bringing him back into the household. Which I would be good with. At least then I would know that he's ok!
Now, my questions are thus:
Can I call CPS, and/or the Police to do a well-child visit even if he's 19? I have been searching for him to the best of my ability on this end and have the word out for him to contact me and that I will help him.
How could I prove that Son is not living with mom anymore to overturn this order?
Is this order even able to be overturned?
Can I request an accounting of how the support is being spent on Son?
Could I request that support goes directly to Son? (even if for some reason he's found his way back to his mother's but she refuses to disclose his whereabouts and well-being to me)
I'd feel much better knowing that this was going directly to his well-being. I understand the running of a household requires funding, but with him turning 20 in November, and obviously his home life is not stable, I'd rather have him have the funds directly so that he can keep a roof over his head, even if that means paying his mother rent.
I'm sorry this is so long. I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. With the age he is, there is only so much I can do to help him, while also protecting myself.