What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN
We are on 2nd divorce. He filled out paperwork first all three times. 1st time, he filled it out & held on to it a month before filing (1998). I was in counseling; he'd been disabled (legally blind) & not working up to 2000, which is when we did divorce. I was afraid he'd put me through what he had in 1998 & was also convinced I might be "crazy", I was certainly depressed. Left the home, requested joint custody, but it was awarded to him during our pro se divorce. We were supposed to divide our own property, but had no written agreements.
We moved to IN for "support" (we've lived within 3 miles of his parents and for last 14 years, next door after they deeded us an acre to build on). I'd worked full-time the entire length of our marriage until late '98. Stressful b/c his disability, rural area, so career oriented work & education not close. During '94, I worked full-time weekends & went to school (LPN) 40 miles away 5 days a week for a year. Graduated with honors & was accepted to continue toward RN. Our daughters were about 6 or 7 then & I couldn't see how I could "do everything";I developed a mild depression & started seeing a doctor ('97).
Some of the meds had side effects; these were used by him/his attorney to state that he should receive emergency custody because of my "state of mind" & claim that I was an "addict" (due to controlled substance prescription). Before saying he wanted to "drop" the divorce, his attorney drew up a "settlement proposal" that awarded my non-working husband the house, the better vehicle, custody of the children. I would be "allowed visitation", it would take place in his "presence or that of his parents". Being legally naive, I thought that was what I "would get". My attorney did not explain about "equitable distribution" & that the proposal would not hold up, especially as I had no means of support at the time (due to severe, but undiagnosed panic attacks that began after my husband had threatened me-including once with his loaded shotgun-, screamed, thrown me out of the house & had me taken to the hospital twice via false allegations that I was going to kill a a pastor & then myself).
After leaving the home in 2000, I slowly regained a healthier mind and ability to work. He used the same (criminal defense) attorney during the time we were divorced to modify visitation-refused to return my car, which was part of our unwritten settlement-I was forced to purchase one after the attorney ignored request to get it back; later, I attempted to get a protective order during my daughters' summer visitation d/t his behavior (screaming, threats; he left one kid when he was supposed to be dropping them both off-he got mad & tore off in the car, just leaving her standing there) but when I tried picking them up, the kids ended up hiding under the dining room table; they wouldn't come with me til the police came. I waited at the end of the drive, my mouth dry with fear after his tirade.
The hearing for the PO was supposed to be held well within the time allotted before I was supposed to return the girls to him. The sheriff's deputies claimed they "couldn't find the house" & sent the paperwork back. The hearing was held late. I noted our divorce cases on the paperwork but wasn't aware (?) you HAVE to file anything in the divorce Court (50 miles from where I lived). His CD attorney merely slapped down a copy of our divorce decree & I was denied. So, being technically in "contempt", thanks to the deputies wasting time, I went to the original Court & tried to file it there.They wouldn't even look at the request. I was jailed for several hours when I refused to tell the judge where the girls were & he refused to let me talk about why. I knew my husband had talked with them the night before & knew where they were. That was used to try to get restricted, supervised visitation. He & his attorney failed, partly because he continued to refuse the reasonable visitation I was always supposed to have. Unfortunately, my attorney never addressed the threatening & abusive behavior.
I asked about regaining custody & was told it'd be VERY unlikely (despite the FACT that I regained my mental health after getting out, as well as my ability to earn a living wage, my overall responsible behavior & good relationship with my kids-this stacked against the fact that my husband loses temper easily, had turned a home into a dump, grades had plummeted & he wouldn't obtain routine health & dental care or immunizations.). In 2005, he started song and dance about how he wanted to remarry me. Told him I'd come back, but not on basis of that. I'd be darned if I was going to have him take me to Court to get money out of me from new job when I could see it wouldn't be spent to kids' benefit, plus I'd acquired a lot of debt from having to purchase car & attorney fees.
He'd made changes to his behavior & seemed consistent with that, though there would be times he'd "lose it" & I would physically get in between him & a daughter. He's "too smart" to actually hit us, it's emotional degradation, control, screaming, threats & breaking of personal stuff. Also, stonewalling. With our kids, he's made a point of having them present when he does something to Mom. He brought them up 40 miles when he took the car from me that I was using (& which was part of the marital estate, but which was titled only in his name). His mother told our daughters that I would kill them (while we were apart) because I was crazy.
Last year, he took off for work, then called off & went off for the weekend with a married woman. He was busted: his car was found in a parking lot with a receipt for a bottle of Viagra that he'd just picked up (he had a full bottle that he'd just gotten a couple weeks before in the bathroom). When he called into work Sunday morning & checked messages, the phone picked up where he was; he came back Sunday evening, lying his head off & trying to play that he'd been in a motel close to where he'd left the car. Our kids were extremely upset; when he went to work the next day, I brought him some things & asked him to take some cooling off time. He filed for divorce, tried to push me into panic attacks & told me I had to leave the house-he was going to get the police & attorneys to enforce it if I didn't. I requested a provisional hearing, pro se, told the judge he'd been acting out of character & that I had nowhere to go; likely lose my employment if I was forced out. I was awarded exclusive possession/use & custody of our daughter, who has turned 18 since the filing.
He dumped his usual attorney after his emergency custody request went nowhere (alleged I had physically/emotionally abused her). He has retained another CD attorney to handle his end of the divorce. I am concerned whether there are any "dirty tricks" he may try to play. During his pro se period, he had our younger daughter write the Court a letter stating that she wanted to live with him as he offered "emotional security, stability" & because I wasn't taking care of my "bipolar and schizophrenic" conditions (neither of which I have). I am aware that he was trying to regain custody as that would enable him to get me out of the house. He has written/had written that he was "awarded" the house in a previous divorce. Not quite. He forced me to quit claim it to him before he would give me ANY money during our last divorce. We refinanced & were going to do it jointly, but got a bit better rate with him solo. It was done through the loan officer who wrote the initial mortgage; he pulled our reports together & gave us the info (on my husband's request) how to change the title at Courthouse (which was never completed).
The woman he is ostensibly going to marry has a fairly young child & I have been told that they have been trying to get her husband arrested for (non-existent) DV. I find the timing of everything incredibly suspicious, but no "evidence" other than gut. He has been payee for our daughters' SSDI benefits. When I told him a couple of years ago that we needed to slow our spending & get our bills paid down because their benefits would be ending, it fell on deaf ears. In fact, our cell phone bill went from $90 a month to nearly $200. I learned that if he does marry the woman, he could file for more dependent benefits for her son as stepfather after a year relationship & him being a primary support (mother having custody). That would dovetail nicely with the ending of our younger daughter's benefits next year, if his plans went well. When I was granted custody, I went to SS & requested to be her payee. I believe he told them that I was "mental" & that it would all be changed soon; I received a letter later stating he would continue to receive her benefits. Since she turned 18, he has been telling her that the house is going to be foreclosed on & how short he is of money.
Sorry so long, it is pretty incomprehensible without some background. I got a 2nd job to save some money to get out, but that's been going to attorney fees (though we're supposed to be going through mediation) & medical fees b/c our daughters had to get tests for stress-induced conditions (ruling out other causes). Unless he's stashed some money, I'm not looking for him to be "able" to make a settlement once terms are either agreed or ordered. The only settlement he's offered is: I take my personal property, $11,000 of debt in his name & GET OUT. I don't know what other devious things he might try or other constructive avenues I might head toward. I was told I could qualify for FHA mortgage once divorce over; trying to save & pay down debt. Last few months have just been money flowing out! Thanks for any thoughts/suggestions.
Why a criminal defense attorney for divorce? I know they're not limited, but I figure there is a reason my husband chose & chooses that type-I just don't get it.
We are on 2nd divorce. He filled out paperwork first all three times. 1st time, he filled it out & held on to it a month before filing (1998). I was in counseling; he'd been disabled (legally blind) & not working up to 2000, which is when we did divorce. I was afraid he'd put me through what he had in 1998 & was also convinced I might be "crazy", I was certainly depressed. Left the home, requested joint custody, but it was awarded to him during our pro se divorce. We were supposed to divide our own property, but had no written agreements.
We moved to IN for "support" (we've lived within 3 miles of his parents and for last 14 years, next door after they deeded us an acre to build on). I'd worked full-time the entire length of our marriage until late '98. Stressful b/c his disability, rural area, so career oriented work & education not close. During '94, I worked full-time weekends & went to school (LPN) 40 miles away 5 days a week for a year. Graduated with honors & was accepted to continue toward RN. Our daughters were about 6 or 7 then & I couldn't see how I could "do everything";I developed a mild depression & started seeing a doctor ('97).
Some of the meds had side effects; these were used by him/his attorney to state that he should receive emergency custody because of my "state of mind" & claim that I was an "addict" (due to controlled substance prescription). Before saying he wanted to "drop" the divorce, his attorney drew up a "settlement proposal" that awarded my non-working husband the house, the better vehicle, custody of the children. I would be "allowed visitation", it would take place in his "presence or that of his parents". Being legally naive, I thought that was what I "would get". My attorney did not explain about "equitable distribution" & that the proposal would not hold up, especially as I had no means of support at the time (due to severe, but undiagnosed panic attacks that began after my husband had threatened me-including once with his loaded shotgun-, screamed, thrown me out of the house & had me taken to the hospital twice via false allegations that I was going to kill a a pastor & then myself).
After leaving the home in 2000, I slowly regained a healthier mind and ability to work. He used the same (criminal defense) attorney during the time we were divorced to modify visitation-refused to return my car, which was part of our unwritten settlement-I was forced to purchase one after the attorney ignored request to get it back; later, I attempted to get a protective order during my daughters' summer visitation d/t his behavior (screaming, threats; he left one kid when he was supposed to be dropping them both off-he got mad & tore off in the car, just leaving her standing there) but when I tried picking them up, the kids ended up hiding under the dining room table; they wouldn't come with me til the police came. I waited at the end of the drive, my mouth dry with fear after his tirade.
The hearing for the PO was supposed to be held well within the time allotted before I was supposed to return the girls to him. The sheriff's deputies claimed they "couldn't find the house" & sent the paperwork back. The hearing was held late. I noted our divorce cases on the paperwork but wasn't aware (?) you HAVE to file anything in the divorce Court (50 miles from where I lived). His CD attorney merely slapped down a copy of our divorce decree & I was denied. So, being technically in "contempt", thanks to the deputies wasting time, I went to the original Court & tried to file it there.They wouldn't even look at the request. I was jailed for several hours when I refused to tell the judge where the girls were & he refused to let me talk about why. I knew my husband had talked with them the night before & knew where they were. That was used to try to get restricted, supervised visitation. He & his attorney failed, partly because he continued to refuse the reasonable visitation I was always supposed to have. Unfortunately, my attorney never addressed the threatening & abusive behavior.
I asked about regaining custody & was told it'd be VERY unlikely (despite the FACT that I regained my mental health after getting out, as well as my ability to earn a living wage, my overall responsible behavior & good relationship with my kids-this stacked against the fact that my husband loses temper easily, had turned a home into a dump, grades had plummeted & he wouldn't obtain routine health & dental care or immunizations.). In 2005, he started song and dance about how he wanted to remarry me. Told him I'd come back, but not on basis of that. I'd be darned if I was going to have him take me to Court to get money out of me from new job when I could see it wouldn't be spent to kids' benefit, plus I'd acquired a lot of debt from having to purchase car & attorney fees.
He'd made changes to his behavior & seemed consistent with that, though there would be times he'd "lose it" & I would physically get in between him & a daughter. He's "too smart" to actually hit us, it's emotional degradation, control, screaming, threats & breaking of personal stuff. Also, stonewalling. With our kids, he's made a point of having them present when he does something to Mom. He brought them up 40 miles when he took the car from me that I was using (& which was part of the marital estate, but which was titled only in his name). His mother told our daughters that I would kill them (while we were apart) because I was crazy.
Last year, he took off for work, then called off & went off for the weekend with a married woman. He was busted: his car was found in a parking lot with a receipt for a bottle of Viagra that he'd just picked up (he had a full bottle that he'd just gotten a couple weeks before in the bathroom). When he called into work Sunday morning & checked messages, the phone picked up where he was; he came back Sunday evening, lying his head off & trying to play that he'd been in a motel close to where he'd left the car. Our kids were extremely upset; when he went to work the next day, I brought him some things & asked him to take some cooling off time. He filed for divorce, tried to push me into panic attacks & told me I had to leave the house-he was going to get the police & attorneys to enforce it if I didn't. I requested a provisional hearing, pro se, told the judge he'd been acting out of character & that I had nowhere to go; likely lose my employment if I was forced out. I was awarded exclusive possession/use & custody of our daughter, who has turned 18 since the filing.
He dumped his usual attorney after his emergency custody request went nowhere (alleged I had physically/emotionally abused her). He has retained another CD attorney to handle his end of the divorce. I am concerned whether there are any "dirty tricks" he may try to play. During his pro se period, he had our younger daughter write the Court a letter stating that she wanted to live with him as he offered "emotional security, stability" & because I wasn't taking care of my "bipolar and schizophrenic" conditions (neither of which I have). I am aware that he was trying to regain custody as that would enable him to get me out of the house. He has written/had written that he was "awarded" the house in a previous divorce. Not quite. He forced me to quit claim it to him before he would give me ANY money during our last divorce. We refinanced & were going to do it jointly, but got a bit better rate with him solo. It was done through the loan officer who wrote the initial mortgage; he pulled our reports together & gave us the info (on my husband's request) how to change the title at Courthouse (which was never completed).
The woman he is ostensibly going to marry has a fairly young child & I have been told that they have been trying to get her husband arrested for (non-existent) DV. I find the timing of everything incredibly suspicious, but no "evidence" other than gut. He has been payee for our daughters' SSDI benefits. When I told him a couple of years ago that we needed to slow our spending & get our bills paid down because their benefits would be ending, it fell on deaf ears. In fact, our cell phone bill went from $90 a month to nearly $200. I learned that if he does marry the woman, he could file for more dependent benefits for her son as stepfather after a year relationship & him being a primary support (mother having custody). That would dovetail nicely with the ending of our younger daughter's benefits next year, if his plans went well. When I was granted custody, I went to SS & requested to be her payee. I believe he told them that I was "mental" & that it would all be changed soon; I received a letter later stating he would continue to receive her benefits. Since she turned 18, he has been telling her that the house is going to be foreclosed on & how short he is of money.
Sorry so long, it is pretty incomprehensible without some background. I got a 2nd job to save some money to get out, but that's been going to attorney fees (though we're supposed to be going through mediation) & medical fees b/c our daughters had to get tests for stress-induced conditions (ruling out other causes). Unless he's stashed some money, I'm not looking for him to be "able" to make a settlement once terms are either agreed or ordered. The only settlement he's offered is: I take my personal property, $11,000 of debt in his name & GET OUT. I don't know what other devious things he might try or other constructive avenues I might head toward. I was told I could qualify for FHA mortgage once divorce over; trying to save & pay down debt. Last few months have just been money flowing out! Thanks for any thoughts/suggestions.
Why a criminal defense attorney for divorce? I know they're not limited, but I figure there is a reason my husband chose & chooses that type-I just don't get it.
