Custodial grandparent passed away. What happens now?

[Aguerra01]

The child has brain damage from shaken baby syndrome, resulting in blindness and "mobility issues" requiring 24 hr care, it would not be a huge surprise if her injuries left her cognitively impaired as well.

OP's ex and her husband deserved more than 5 years in prison for that, IMHO.

Even if OP dumped his girlfriend like a hot potato to take care of his daughter, he would need a lot of (expensive) help. This is not to say that I don't think it would be worth it, just that OP should be encouraged more than just dumped on here. His relationship with his girlfriend hints that he can treat a disabled person with compassion and love.

Aguerra, have you been able to meet with your daughter? I think you should do your best to get to know your daughter and be involved with her life. She really may have to stay in a facility, and she really might not be cognitively able to have a relationship with you - or you may be pleasantly surprised by the girl she has grown into, and her disabilities might be complementary to you girlfriend's. Take the chance - take the opportunity to finally get to know her.

Thank you for the understanding and support. There are lots of unknown factors and lots of questions. I just want whats best... I'm going for it, it's just gonna take time!

 

[stealth2]

I showed up to court this morning, which surprised the judge, juvenile officer and the guardian ad l idem. nobody expected me to show bc they said most parents don't show up to these hearings. The did a urine test, which I passed and a hair follicle test, they have to send off. They said I would start with supervised hr long visits and maybe even 2 hr long visits bc I live so far away a couple times a month.
The told me she has the mentality of a 2 yr old, suffers blindness and has mobility issues. She's currently in foster care. Further down the line they said there's a facility only 40 min away they could put her in. That would be great because I could see her frequently. Her actually staying with me would be a while down the road.
I told them, I'd have to move and make adjustments to where I lived to accommodate for her. I never said I didn't want her, there's just a lot involved that goes into this. My girlfriend and I have a lot a head of us. And it's gonna be a crazy ride but just maybe it could be done...
There are still many questions but we'll see what can be done....

Well done.

 

[Zigner]

I showed up to court this morning, which surprised the judge, juvenile officer and the guardian ad l idem. nobody expected me to show bc they said most parents don't show up to these hearings. The did a urine test, which I passed and a hair follicle test, they have to send off. They said I would start with supervised hr long visits and maybe even 2 hr long visits bc I live so far away a couple times a month.
The told me she has the mentality of a 2 yr old, suffers blindness and has mobility issues. She's currently in foster care. Further down the line they said there's a facility only 40 min away they could put her in. That would be great because I could see her frequently. Her actually staying with me would be a while down the road.
I told them, I'd have to move and make adjustments to where I lived to accommodate for her. I never said I didn't want her, there's just a lot involved that goes into this. My girlfriend and I have a lot a head of us. And it's gonna be a crazy ride but just maybe it could be done...
There are still many questions but we'll see what can be done....

I'm glad you are taking these steps.

 

[Aguerra01]

I'm glad you are taking these steps.

Don't get me wrong, I'm terrified but I'm gonna do what I can. It's gonna be a long process!

 

[stealth2]

Don't get me wrong, I'm terrified but I'm gonna do what I can. It's gonna be a long process!

Welcome to parenthood. We're all usually terrified.

 

[Aguerra01]

Welcome to parenthood. We're all usually terrified.

This case is referring to my oldest child, I have 2 other children as well...

 

[stealth2]

This case is referring to my oldest child, I have 2 other children as well...

I know. I have two grown kids, and I'm terrified daily.

 

[laurakaye]

Thank you for the understanding and support. There are lots of unknown factors and lots of questions. I just want whats best... I'm going for it, it's just gonna take time!

It sounds like the Court is truly putting your daughter's best interests first. That's encouraging.

I have a disabled daughter, and for more than 20 years, it's been quite the ride. But you have an idea about that because of your girlfriend.

It's not always predictable; it's not always pretty.

Hell, sometimes it doesn't even feel possible.

Years ago, a doctor told me something that has stuck with me through the best and worst of times: All that it is, is hard.

It's difficult to talk candidly sometimes about the challenges of raising a disabled child because people have a tendency to be a tad judgmental.

People have literally spat the (rhetorical) question at me: "But aren't you glad she's alive?"

It's such an insulting thing to say. Of course I'm glad she's alive, but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated. Of course I'm glad she's alive, but that doesn't mean I don't get tired ... frustrated ... depressed. But even at my darkest moments, I've never wished her dead.

When I "complain" about the challenges of raising my non-disabled children, no one spats those words at me.

You have a challenging road ahead of you - I'm so glad the Court is willing to work with you as you reconfigure your life.

In accepting the challenge, you stood very tall today.

 

[Aguerra01]

It sounds like the Court is truly putting your daughter's best interests first. That's encouraging.

I have a disabled daughter, and for more than 20 years, it's been quite the ride. But you have an idea about that because of your girlfriend.

It's not always predictable; it's not always pretty.

Hell, sometimes it doesn't even feel possible.

Years ago, a doctor told me something that has stuck with me through the best and worst of times: All that it is, is hard.

It's difficult to talk candidly sometimes about the challenges of raising a disabled child because people have a tendency to be a tad judgmental.

People have literally spat the (rhetorical) question at me: "But aren't you glad she's alive?"

It's such an insulting thing to say. Of course I'm glad she's alive, but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated. Of course I'm glad she's alive, but that doesn't mean I don't get tired ... frustrated ... depressed. But even at my darkest moments, I've never wished her dead.

When I "complain" about the challenges of raising my non-disabled children, no one spats those words at me.

You have a challenging road ahead of you - I'm so glad the Court is willing to work with you as you reconfigure your life.

In accepting the challenge, you stood very tall today.

I understand exactly how hard it can get and your right its definitely not always pretty. I've been through a lot of "ugly" with my girlfriend. I think the main difference is the brain injury. My girlfriend is "all there" while on the other hand my daughter has the mentality of a 2 year old. That I'm unfamiliar with. I have no experience dealing with that. Plus being a teenager it's going to be different. My girlfriend was 24 when she had her accident, I met her after her injury and still fell in love with her. But it's been plenty hard dealing with my girlfriends disability. I've said before she's a quadriplegic, C5 to be exact. She is in a power chair paralyzed from the chest down with partial use of her arms and no use of her hands. So she needs help with everything. But she can be left alone. She has an aide come in and stays til 11:30am and shes alone until 3 o'clock when I get home from work.
I know everything with my daughter will be completely different. But the courts will integrate me in slowly, like I said just starting with a couple visits a couple times a month. Like I previously said we would have to move to a bigger place, more accommodating for both. My life is about to majorly change and turn upside down. Next court date is Nov 9, to see how I've complied with the courts and decide what's next... I'm not gonna lie I'm scared, worried and nervous about everything.... But we'll see how it goes! My daughter requires 24 hour care so that will change things!
dramatically...

 

[laurakaye]

I understand exactly how hard it can get and your right its definitely not always pretty. I've been through a lot of "ugly" with my girlfriend. I think the main difference is the brain injury. My girlfriend is "all there" while on the other hand my daughter has the mentality of a 2 year old. That I'm unfamiliar with. I have no experience dealing with that. Plus being a teenager it's going to be different. My girlfriend was 24 when she had her accident, I met her after her injury and still fell in love with her. But it's been plenty hard dealing with my girlfriends disability. I've said before she's a quadriplegic, C5 to be exact. She is in a power chair paralyzed from the chest down with partial use of her arms and no use of her hands. So she needs help with everything. But she can be left alone. She has an aide come in and stays til 11:30am and shes alone until 3 o'clock when I get home from work.
I know everything with my daughter will be completely different. But the courts will integrate me in slowly, like I said just starting with a couple visits a couple times a month. Like I previously said we would have to move to a bigger place, more accommodating for both. My life is about to majorly change and turn upside down. Next court date is Nov 9, to see how I've complied with the courts and decide what's next... I'm not gonna lie I'm scared, worried and nervous about everything.... But we'll see how it goes! My daughter requires 24 hour care so that will change things!
dramatically...

Did Grandma leave any assets to be used for the future care of your daughter?

 

[Aguerra01]

Did Grandma leave any assets to be used for the future care of your daughter?

They didn't tell me. But I dont think so..

 

[laurakaye]

They didn't tell me. But I dont think so..

I just wondered. Im also wondering if the court contacted the mom? I doubt they would want her involved in the care of your daughter, but she should be obligated to pay child support.

 

[stealth2]

I just wondered. Im also wondering if the court contacted the mom? I doubt they would want her involved in the care of your daughter, but she should be obligated to pay child support.

Unless her rights were terminated.

 

[LdiJ]

Unless her rights were terminated.

And they very well could have been, based on the child's injuries.

 

[Aguerra01]

I just wondered. Im also wondering if the court contacted the mom? I doubt they would want her involved in the care of your daughter, but she should be obligated to pay child support.

They are looking for the mother also. But I don't know what their plans are with her.