Custodial Parent keeps moving

[javafan]

What is the name of your state? VA

I need direction. My ex husband has physical custody of my two boys ages 11 and 15. He has moved 4 times in the last 5 years. Each time not giving me a 30 day notice which is required by the court order. I am very involved in the kids lives. I go to every teacher meeting~he does not. I enroll and attend all sport activities~he does not. I make sure the kids needs are taken care of~he does not. He has failed to properly take care of the kids, failing to take them to doctor, dentist appointments and hearing appointments for my hard of hearing child. My kids really like their last school and were very well liked by their peers and teachers. This last move came up last week on Tuesday and I was given a 3 day notice of this move. My kids requested that they be allowed to live with me but their father said no. I am very upset over the move because the house that they are renting, the landlord is also renting out the basement to a complete stranger. As a parent I cannot believe my ex husband would subject the kids to this.

When my ex decided to move, he never even contacted the teachers of either school. He just dis enrolled them.

Any advice? Please help

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? VA

I need direction. My ex husband has physical custody of my two boys ages 11 and 15. He has moved 4 times in the last 5 years. Each time not giving me a 30 day notice which is required by the court order. I am very involved in the kids lives. I go to every teacher meeting~he does not. I enroll and attend all sport activities~he does not. I make sure the kids needs are taken care of~he does not. He has failed to properly take care of the kids, failing to take them to doctor, dentist appointments and hearing appointments for my hard of hearing child. My kids really like their last school and were very well liked by their peers and teachers. This last move came up last week on Tuesday and I was given a 3 day notice of this move. My kids requested that they be allowed to live with me but their father said no. I am very upset over the move because the house that they are renting, the landlord is also renting out the basement to a complete stranger. As a parent I cannot believe my ex husband would subject the kids to this.

When my ex decided to move, he never even contacted the teachers of either school. He just dis enrolled them.

Any advice? Please help

Your only real option is to file for a custody modification.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree with LD sorta.

What is the name of your state? VA

I need direction. My ex husband has physical custody of my two boys ages 11 and 15. He has moved 4 times in the last 5 years.

Okay. HOw many times have the children been forced to change schools?

Each time not giving me a 30 day notice which is required by the court order.

And did you file contempt after each move? How much notice did he give you?

I am very involved in the kids lives. I go to every teacher meeting~he does not.

He doesn't have to go to meetings. Do you know if he is contact with the teacher?

I enroll and attend all sport activities~he does not.

Do you discuss the sports activities before you enroll the children? Do you get his agreement to enrolling the children in said activities. Are the activities on his time or your time?

I make sure the kids needs are taken care of~he does not. He has failed to properly take care of the kids, failing to take them to doctor, dentist appointments and hearing appointments for my hard of hearing child.

Did you take them to those appointments? If not then you are just as bad and failing to properly take care of them. Did you report him to CSB for medical neglect?

My kids really like their last school and were very well liked by their peers and teachers. This last move came up last week on Tuesday and I was given a 3 day notice of this move. My kids requested that they be allowed to live with me but their father said no.

The children do not get to choose.

I am very upset over the move because the house that they are renting, the landlord is also renting out the basement to a complete stranger. As a parent I cannot believe my ex husband would subject the kids to this.

Prove that that is a danger to the children. Is the basement a separate apartment? Is there a separate address for it? Separate entrance? Do you pay child support?

When my ex decided to move, he never even contacted the teachers of either school. He just dis enrolled them.

He does NOT need permission of the school teachers.

Any advice? Please help

Answer my questions. As Ld said, you can file for a modification but no one can tell you that you will win.

 

[javafan]

1. This will be the fourth school for my oldest who will be 16 and the 3rd school for my youngest.

2. I did not file contempt because I did not have the money for a attorney. I was not given any notice on the first 3 and with this last one I was given 3 days when the order said to give me 30 days. The last 2 moves the kids were close enough that I was trying to make the best of the situation. This last move was a result of him foreclosing on his house and moving closer to his job because he chose a job 2 hours away.

3. He is not in contact with the teachers. He was barely there when my kids started failing out of school. I stepped in and began working with them because he was holding 2 full time jobs. My kids raised their grades due to my help.

4. I did discuss all sports enrollment with him. I have a court order that allows me to enroll them into sports and take them when he is not able too.

5. My kids are old enough to be interviewed with the judge

6. I had been taking the kids to the regular doctor appointments and my ex said he was taking the boys to the others. Then when I took my oldest to the emergency room I found out the kids were not on the insurance and they had not been to a dentist or hearing appointments in over 2 years. My ex did have himself and his other child on the insurance.

7. The apartment is not closed off to the rest of the house and holds the same address. This can prove to be a danger because I do not know the background of this person, temperment, or anything else for that matter. We teach our children from early on not to talk to strangers and only trust those that you know. How do we explain now you are going to live with a complete stranger...and that's ok. The lease is also only for a year. That means another move coming up.

8. yes. I pay child support.

All your help is welcome. I apologize for the way I answered the questions but I did not know how you orchastrated your reply.

 

[javafan]

Also, Yes I did file a complaint with child protective services back in January. They finally got around to investigating the same day he gave me my notice and he still moved.

 

[Ohiogal]

1. This will be the fourth school for my oldest who will be 16 and the 3rd school for my youngest.

Okay.

2. I did not file contempt because I did not have the money for a attorney. I was not given any notice on the first 3 and with this last one I was given 3 days when the order said to give me 30 days. The last 2 moves the kids were close enough that I was trying to make the best of the situation. This last move was a result of him foreclosing on his house and moving closer to his job because he chose a job 2 hours away.

Then quite frankly because you did nothing then you will be seen as consenting to the moves. You need to object this time if it is still within the thirty days.

3. He is not in contact with the teachers. He was barely there when my kids started failing out of school. I stepped in and began working with them because he was holding 2 full time jobs. My kids raised their grades due to my help.

Okay. But he does not necessarily have to be there. YOu apparently were okay with him not being in contact with the teachers when the kids were failing. And now that their grades are okay you cannot prove that it is strictly due to your help.

4. I did discuss all sports enrollment with him. I have a court order that allows me to enroll them into sports and take them when he is not able too.

Now that is important information.

5. My kids are old enough to be interviewed with the judge

They could be. And a judge could frown on you for forcing them to be put in the middle. Judges don't like that too much. If at all. The children do NOT get to choose however. A better option is a GAL.

6. I had been taking the kids to the regular doctor appointments and my ex said he was taking the boys to the others. Then when I took my oldest to the emergency room I found out the kids were not on the insurance and they had not been to a dentist or hearing appointments in over 2 years. My ex did have himself and his other child on the insurance.

And guess what -- for two years you never once contacted their doctors to find out how the appointments went? For two years you never did anything? And yet you yell about dad with the teachers. You are just as neglectful. Look at it that way.

7. The apartment is not closed off to the rest of the house and holds the same address. This can prove to be a danger because I do not know the background of this person, temperment, or anything else for that matter. We teach our children from early on not to talk to strangers and only trust those that you know. How do we explain now you are going to live with a complete stranger...and that's ok. The lease is also only for a year. That means another move coming up.

YOU have no right to know the background of this person. You have no right to dictate who dad lives with. And if they just moved there they will be there a year. And they can always renew the lease. You do not know that dad will move. MOST leases by the way are only for a year. That is a standard. And not a winning argument.

8. yes. I pay child support.

Are you in arrears? If so how much? Is your support set at guideline levels or is there a deviation involved?

All your help is welcome. I apologize for the way I answered the questions but I did not know how you orchastrated your reply.

When you are typing there is a quote button on the editor. Highlight what I type and hit the quote (word bubble like like in the comics) and that will quote whta I stated.
And there are reasons why I answered your questions the way I did.

 

[Ohiogal]

Also, Yes I did file a complaint with child protective services back in January. They finally got around to investigating the same day he gave me my notice and he still moved.

Here is an issue however -- you are just as guilty as dad for the children's medical being neglected. YOU could have taken them to those appointments. The fact that you did not know they had not gone for two years will tell CSB that you also neglected their health care needs. Which is NOT a good thing. This could boomer rang majorly on you.

 

[javafan]

Thanks for your opinion, but in VA the material change of circumstance is found when a parent takes a child from their primary residence. I am not at fault for medical neglect. Judges also take into consideration of how much the non custodial parent has been involved and yes in VA judges look hard into how much involvment the custodial parent is involved. My ex husband has displayed a negative pattern of moving. I spoke with my attorney just now and we have a material change of circumstance in several areas. And yes, the judges prefer to take the kids in their chambers because they want to know first hand of what the kids truly want without the interference of parents. As for giving consent, no, I am still within my statute of limitations to show cause him for the last 2 moves because we have a standing order from 2005

 

[Bloopy]

Thanks for your opinion, but in VA the material change of circumstance is found when a parent takes a child from their primary residence. I am not at fault for medical neglect. Judges also take into consideration of how much the non custodial parent has been involved and yes in VA judges look hard into how much involvment the custodial parent is involved. My ex husband has displayed a negative pattern of moving. I spoke with my attorney just now and we have a material change of circumstance in several areas. And yes, the judges prefer to take the kids in their chambers because they want to know first hand of what the kids truly want without the interference of parents. As for giving consent, no, I am still within my statute of limitations to show cause him for the last 2 moves because we have a standing order from 2005

Super

Why are you here?

 

[javafan]

He has also created an unstable environment for the kids. You see that is how he ended up with custody. I moved with my children and my environment became unstable. The judge awarded him custody based on the unstablilty. In VA it is based on what is in the best interest of the child and not the parent. Everything is based on the best interest of the child, including schools, employment, moves, and noncustodial involvement. Especially where I live. I remember being in court several years ago and at that time my ex would not give me medical cards for my children and a judge became very angry and told him he had 24 hours to get me the medical cards or face contempt and he said I will put you in jail.

 

[Ohiogal]

Super

Why are you here?

See, I don't get it. I give legally relevant and accurate advice but yet she is missing the point of the whole thing because she already knows. Bloopy, can you explain to me not so much why she is here but why the hell I wasted my time?

 

[javafan]

I am sorry if you feel that way. Are you a attorney from VA

 

[Ohiogal]

I am sorry if you feel that way. Are you a attorney from VA

I find it interesting that you are trying to educate me on best interest standards. I find that extremely entertaining. Tell me, where did you get J.D. degree? What state are you licensed to practice law in? How many custody cases have you handled in the last month? Year? Lifetime? How many times have you had to apply the law for contempt? In regards to move-aways? How familiar are you with it?

Let's just say this: I will gladly match my knowledge and experience with yours everyday. You apparently know all the answer though. So I defer. And hence you don't need the information I can supply. Continue on.

 

[Bloopy]

I am sorry if you feel that way. Are you a attorney from VA

Super catch there Bob.

The ONLY question asked of you in your original post was which STATE you're in. But of course, that is not taken into consideration. It is IMPOSSIBLE from someone outside VA to have read anything from the VA statutes.

I’ll ship OhioGal my hillbilly decoder ring so she can make an informed opinion. Stupid Juris Doctorate.

PS: I'm in VA. It just never occurred to me that made me so damn special.

 

[my life is mine]

If you do not contest the move within 30 days in VA the courts look at it as consent.

If your children are ill and you being the NCP do not take them to doctors you are guilty of medical neglect. You have the same responsibilty as an CP.

I have had the same issue with medical insurance cards, there are ways around that. You may have to be creative but you can get that information.

CP is not being neglectful of school, CP has let you do it, so therefore CP is covered.

Judges rarely interveiw children in VA, they will normally assign a GAL to the situation and go by recommendations of said GAL! Yes even if child is 16.