Custodial rights for the unwed

[DylansMommy]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Delaware

Hi, I am new to this forum so please forgive me if I ask a question that has already been answered.

I am seventeen years old and I am currently seven months pregnant with my first child, a boy, and I am also single. The father and I had a very unhealthy relationship of about a year and two months. We fought constantly and broke things off and later reconciled. During one of these periods of reconciliation I got pregnant. I did not know I was pregnant until I was already seven weeks (August 5) along. I told the father as soon as I found out and at first he seemed ok with it then he began to bring up abortion over and over again. He knew that I was vehemently against abortion but he kept persisting and begging. He went as far as to threatening to commit suicide if I kept the child. Around this time I called the police on him not only because I was desperate and went slightly out of my mind but also because I was starting to get scared of him. This happened in September and two months later he called and he and I got back together again. He went to my 22 week ultrasound and things seemed to be going ok but once again he and I began fighting again (I have jealousy issues and he constantly lies about everything). Since then he has not attempted to come to the doctor's visits with me nor did he come to the hospital when I went into premature labor at 26 weeks, and has stated that he wants a paternity test. He will not even help pay for the crib because he has to save his money for child support, although I understand this. I have called him and he has refused to answer my phone calls or hangs up on me. I have an opportunity to move to Florida once I graduate high school in 2007 but I would like to know if I should begin proceeddings for sole or pri**** custody now or if he even has any rights since he and I are not married.

Any feedback would be extremely helpful.

Thank you

 

[Neal1421]

He doesn't have any rights to the child until after a DNA test has been done. If he is determined to be the father he can try to stop you from moving out of state when you graduate. Until paternity has been established though, you have sole custody of the child.

 

[Neal1421]

And I forgot to add that he is not obligated to answer your calls or help out with the purchase of the crib.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Delaware

Hi, I am new to this forum so please forgive me if I ask a question that has already been answered.

I am seventeen years old and I am currently seven months pregnant with my first child, a boy, and I am also single. The father and I had a very unhealthy relationship of about a year and two months. We fought constantly and broke things off and later reconciled. During one of these periods of reconciliation I got pregnant. I did not know I was pregnant until I was already seven weeks (August 5) along. I told the father as soon as I found out and at first he seemed ok with it then he began to bring up abortion over and over again. He knew that I was vehemently against abortion but he kept persisting and begging. He went as far as to threatening to commit suicide if I kept the child. Around this time I called the police on him not only because I was desperate and went slightly out of my mind but also because I was starting to get scared of him. This happened in September and two months later he called and he and I got back together again. He went to my 22 week ultrasound and things seemed to be going ok but once again he and I began fighting again (I have jealousy issues and he constantly lies about everything). Since then he has not attempted to come to the doctor's visits with me nor did he come to the hospital when I went into premature labor at 26 weeks, and has stated that he wants a paternity test. He will not even help pay for the crib because he has to save his money for child support, although I understand this. I have called him and he has refused to answer my phone calls or hangs up on me. I have an opportunity to move to Florida once I graduate high school in 2007 but I would like to know if I should begin proceeddings for sole or pri**** custody now or if he even has any rights since he and I are not married.

Any feedback would be extremely helpful.

Thank you

If he is the father of the child, then he will have rights regarding the child whether the two of you are married or not. He will however, have to establish paternity in order to enforce those rights.

Moving to FL in 2007 may or may not be possible for you. The father of your child will have the right to legally object to you moving the child away, and then it would be up to a judge whether or not to give you permission to move the child to FL.

 

[JETX]

I would like to know if I should begin proceeddings for sole or pri-**** custody now or if he even has any rights since he and I are not married.

Lots of things to be said here......

1) The first (and ONLY relevant) question you have to ask is.... What is best for the child... not for YOU.... not for him... but the CHILD???
Of course, absent any SPECIFIC issues to the contrary, it is best for the child to know BOTH of his parents.

2) The second question you have to ask is... do you want, need, expect ANY support from the childs father?? If not, then don't do anything.... and force him to prove paternity through the courts.
If you do, then YOU will have to get a court order of support....

And finally, the legal issues...
How old were you when you first had sexual contact with him?? How old was he??
It is likely (considering your age now) that you were a minor... and depending on his age, he may be subject to criminal charges.
Delaware Code:
§ 770. Rape in the fourth degree; class C felony.
(a) A person is guilty of rape in the fourth degree when the person:
(1) Intentionally engages in sexual intercourse with another person, and the victim has not yet reached his or her sixteenth birthday;

 

[DylansMommy]

He was seventeen and I was fifteen when he and I engaged in sex for the first time.

As for the best interest for the child, I do agree that knowing both parents is beneficial (my own father left when I was one and I haven't heard from him since) however he seems to blow hot and cold when it comes to the child. One day he wants to be a part of his life and other days he doesn't (mainly because he does not want to be near or around me). If he didn't even show concern when the baby was almost born too early then how can I be sure he will even be an involved parent.

Do I have this right, as long as I refuse child support or do not file for it and there is no paternity test I maintain sole custody? Does that also mean that I must put "father unknown" on the birth certificate?

Thank you for your patience

Oh and I agree with the phone call and crib issue it was just another detail.

 

[Neal1421]

Do I have this right, as long as I refuse child support or do not file for it and there is no paternity test I maintain sole custody? Does that also mean that I must put "father unknown" on the birth certificate?

Thank you for your patience

Oh and I agree with the phone call and crib issue it was just another detail.

Yes, you do. It is expensive raising a child, if you think you can do it alone go ahead. However he also has the right to petition the court for a DNA test and if he is proven to be the child he can file for visitation and try to stop you from leaving.

 

[CJane]

Do I have this right, as long as I refuse child support or do not file for it and there is no paternity test I maintain sole custody?

I'd recommend staying off of state aid too. How a 17 year old is going to raise a baby and graduate from high school w/out child support or welfare is beyond me though. Good luck.

 

[DylansMommy]

Thank you for your advice.

Yes I agree that raising a child is expensive but I am willing to try it alone. Not to ask the same question twice but if I do put his name on the birth certificate (father unknown is so...one too many one night stands, no offense) is that as good as a paternity test and will my son have to have his father's last name if I do decide to put him under father?

Again thank you and sorry for so many questions

 

[Neal1421]

Not to ask the same question twice but if I do put his name on the birth certificate (father unknown is so...one too many one night stands, no offense) is that as good as a paternity test and will my son have to have his father's last name if I do decide to put him under father?

I am not sure if you can do this without him being present at the time of the birth. No it is not as good as a paternity test, the actual test has to be done.

 

[CJane]

Not to ask the same question twice but if I do put his name on the birth certificate is that as good as a paternity test

I don't believe you'll be able to put his name on the BC w/out him eitehr signing a Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity form, or having a test done.

and will my son have to have his father's last name if I do decide to put him under father?

He can have whatever last name you want to give him... but if later Father petitions the court to have it changed to his, he'd likely prevail.

 

[Neal1421]

The bottom line is no you cannot write this man out of your child's life if he wants to be a part of it. However, if he does not petition for a paternity test before you move you may be able to leave the state in 2007. I do not think it would be in the best interest of the child but you will be able to do it.
As far as the BC goes, if he is not present at the time of birth or does not sign anything at the hospital, it will show "father unknown".

 

[DylansMommy]

Ok well thank you all.


Have a great New Years

 

[Jmp1234]

I'd recommend staying off of state aid too. How a 17 year old is going to raise a baby and graduate from high school w/out child support or welfare is beyond me though. Good luck.

Being on state aid doesn't make you horrible. If you have to, do it only for as long as needed. Don't use it as your full income, but just a supplement to you working and providing what you can outside the system. It can be done. A 17 year old can do it. It's obviously not easy but it can be done.

 

[CJane]

Being on state aid doesn't make you horrible. If you have to, do it only for as long as needed. Don't use it as your full income, but just a supplement to you working and providing what you can outside the system. It can be done. A 17 year old can do it. It's obviously not easy but it can be done.

Please point out where I said or implied that it was horrible, Diana. If mom doesn't want to establish paternity, then mom better stay the hell off of welfare, since in order to get it she's going to have to name a father who will be pursued by the state for child support.