Custody and Child support ( a big mess)

[Karen720]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

I have been divorced for 3 yrs now, remarried for 2 1/2. I married a man from Australia, left my ex and the kids to be with him in Aus. I stayed for 3 yrs coming back for 7 months last yr and back and forth to visit as often as I could afford.
I left the kids for many reasons, not to uproot them and cause them any more stress then the situation already had on them. (we had been married 20 yrs) At the time there were 5 children, (17-14-13-11-5) when I origanally left, it was just to have some time to think. My ex filed for a divorce a week later. Its a long story as to why I decided to leave and do what I did. But I just wanted to give you a bit of a synopsis.
The thing now is I have moved back with my husband and have had alot of time with the kids all summer. I had decided to ask for a redution in CS because I was not making the money I was making in Aus. When I went to court the first time, since my job has no set hours but I could kinda give him a round about figure of my hours the guy decided to base it on something I don't make at all and hours that I don't get. He refusd to look at my pay check stubs. I went back again after I disagreed with the outcome of that because it upped my child support 200 more a month. This time the guy still would not look at my check stubs. I don't get it!!!!
Anyways my ex had given me custody of my 17 yr old because he moved in with his GF and the only place my daughter had to sleep was the couch. Because she is not physically with me and staying at friends house so she can graduate from her school, he is refusing to pay me CS now. Everything she owns is here, I give her money to live on, just paid over 900.00 to get a car fixed for her so she has transportation. I support her yet he gets away with not paying me a penny. Since he is disputing this, we go back to court again for a de nova hearing. Will this new Judge look at my pay slips finally and give me a fair child support to pay? I got my check stub today and after support I got a whole $22.00.
One more thing, since my ex moved in with his GF and her 3 kids, at a housing( employee housing for a hotel he works for) that is unsuitable, filthy and not big enough to house all the kids( 6 kids) is that a good enough reason to be able to fight for custody of them, as I have lots of room in my house. And also he works midnights and is hardly ever there with them at all. My hours at my job are very flexible. I know I left in the first place, and I know they call it abandonment. But I don't think thats fair, I left my ex but I have always been there for my kids. Always paid my CS on time.

I guess what i am asking, is do I need a lawyer to be able to be heard about what I truely make to base the CS on and do i have any chance to get the kids from my ex, so they have a suitable place to live. Any words of advice would be much appreciated.
Karen
BTW I have legal custody, he has full physical. (He went behind my back, after telling me he would give me joint custody and went for full while I was in Australia. (He was also awarded everything in the household, the house cars everything i worked to build in the last 20 yrs)

Its not whether you win or lose, its how you play the game,,,,BS!!

 

[FJ1200guy]

Watch out!

I bet you're going to get some interesting posts in response to yours! Can't believe I'm the first one...

ANYways... just to summarize:

You are Australia then? Married. Your ex has full physical custody, and you have joint legal. Your oldest daughter (17 years old) is living here, but... and I'm not clear on this... YOU have full custody of her? Is that by court order?

Now you want to file for custody, so that the kids can live with you in Australia? Or is your Australian hubby here now?

Thanks for the patience with an old guy.

 

[Karen720]

I figured I will get dumped on about my past decisions but no one can kick me in the butt more then I have but I can't worry about that.
I am in Michigan after moving back in May from Australia. My ex signed over custody of my 17 to me 6 weeks ago. My Husband from Australia is with me in Michgan. I want to get custody of the kids, but they will stay in Michigan, 20 minutes from their Dad. He never has, since the day i left him, helped with bringing the kids to me. He said I left so I have to come get them.
Its a mess and a bit of a soap opera and a book all rolled into one.

thanks for any help
And you can't be older then me lol

 

[FJ1200guy]

Ah okay.

Well, I'm 39... getting right up there. And I spent some time in Perth years ago... what a great place! Now I'm in West MI. How long have you been back?

Okay, anyways, I think an attorney is definately a good idea. That way you can get several issues addressed, such as custody (which you could get, or some variation... it's all up to the judge if you and the ex can't agree), and the child support issues.

To ME, the dad would be smart to work something out, because you're only 20 minutes away, which makes everything SO much easier. Have you considered the effect on the kids changing schools? There must be some bitterness still on his part, it seems, eh?

Get a lawyer and go to court. Get it all sorted out, mate. Good Luck!

 

[Karen720]

G day mate, thanks for answering

I was in Melbourne, (never got to Perth but made it to Sydney)I am now in Northern Michigan, My ex lives right over the bridge.

A few things to add, I can't talk to my ex at all, there was a lot of past issues and resentments ( and also an affair, mine I'm afraid to say) that he will probably bring up in court. I asked if my daughter who is almost 14 could come live with me but he says NO! She wants to or I would have never pursued this issue. My 9 yr old son says he would like to live with me too since he has lived with his Dad for a while, says its my turn lol He also doesn't mind changing schools. ( Which i would not do until next fall) I could easily bring them back and forth if I get them.
I have called one lawyer, she says it could go as high as 20,000 but more in the ball park of 5,000 and said that alot of lawyers won't take cases like this. When I asked her why, she said its too emotional. I said for who,, she said Us. (as in the lawyers) I may call legal aide but was told they may not do custody cases. I sometimes think i am just screwed in more ways then one on this matter.

by the way I am in my 40's

 

[FJ1200guy]

Well, shop around for a lawyer... I had a few quote me as high as $2000 just to start! Finally ended up with a guy that did fine for $300 to start, and eventually cost like $1500, which he let me pay over some time.

Also, my judge took our kids (aged 10 and 11, or 11 and 12.. been awhile) into his chambers and talked to them, and it DID make a difference. After all, it is all about the kids. I mean, don't get me wrong, who knows how much weight a judge would give the kids feelings... all I'm saying is, funny that what my kids wanted... they got.

Try to uncomplicate this to get a better idea on what MAY happen in court. For example, I'm not sure what a previous affair means NOW... maybe nothing in this situation?

Here, check here for some ideas:

"http://www.divorcesource.com/MI/info/childcustody.shtml"

"http://www.divorce-forms.com/MICHIGAN-DIVORCE-FORMS.html"

"http://www.divorce-forms.com/DivorceChildCustodySupportFAQ.html"

Remember: "Child custody and support orders may be modified if there is a change in circumstances sufficient under Michigan law to warrant a modification in the existing order/judgment."

And: "Child support is determined by reference to the Michigan Child Support Guidelines. For example, if the custodial parent has no income and the other parent brings home $550 per week, and the parties have one child together, the weekly child support obligation would be $121.00. The amount changes depending upon the parties' net income and the number of children to the marriage, and whether the noncustodial parent is paying child support to any other children of another relationship. "

MI uses a formula that takes both parents income into account. And you don't NEED a lawyer to file a petition of modification... but you can read all abbout that in those sites I gave... Dig in, and GOOD LUCK! Lyle

And hey, I always say women over 40 are the BEST! (except for a particular one I know and am particularly fond of... lol)

 

[Karen720]

Lyle

Your the best, thanks for all the time you put into this for me, Ill keep you informed as I work my way thru this, court date is Dec 9th, so i have some time.

Karen


PS Im glad you found yourself someone, you sound very happy.

 

[Karen720]

Ummm

You think you can give me the name of the guy thaT GAVE YOU SUCH A GOOD DEAL?

 

[stealth2]

In all honesty, $5k for a change of custody isn't even going to come close. You do have strikes against you, and changing custody is not an easy thing to do. You will have to prove Dad unfit, for starers - not simple since he was fit enough for you to leave the kids with him. And the child who you DO have custody of isn't even living with you - that's not going to be favorable for you. The others (except the 5yo) will likely be able to speak with the judge, but their wishes will not govern the decision. You're going to have to convince the judge that moving halfway across the world still allowed you to "be there" for your kids, especially a preschooler.

The most likely scenario, should the judge keep things as they are is that any CS you and your ex are paying for the 17yo will go to the people she is staying with - which is as it should be, quite frankly. I suspect the rest of the CS was based on an imputed income - what you made in the past and are capable of making given your employment history.

Since travel expenses apparently are not ordered, expect your ex to ask that you continue to be responsible for the transportation, due to your previous actions.

While you do not NEED an attorney for any of this, I think you'd be foolish to attempt it pro se. And Legal Aid generally does not handle custody cases, so you're going to have to find a way to pony up the legal fees.

You have an uphill battle here. As I said further up, you will have trouble proving him unfit since you left the kids with him. He also stepped up to the plate and has raised them while you took off to find yourself.

I realize none of this is what you want to hear, and you may think I'm being harsh. Trust me - I am being much nicer that your ex's attorney is going to be. And probably much nicer than the judge will be. So you may as well get used to it.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Sure!

Yeah, Ladas and Hoopes Law offices... (231) 744-6218

But that's a bit far for him to drive, eh? lol I had Kenneth Hoopes, pretty nice guy.

Stealth is a pretty smart one, and she makes some good points. All of this is stuff for you to think about. But the bottom line is this: No matter what I say, Stealth says, or even one of the lawyers say, it's hard to predict what will happen. I personally, think you will better your position if you try, even if you don't get everything you want. But keep us updated, k? Look over those links, and do what you can.

Good luck.

 

[Karen720]

I didn't expect anyone to pussy foot around with me, I know what people think of me for what I did. I knew I was leaving myself wide open for comments and I know I will be doing the same thing when I go to court.

1. When I left my EX I was only leaving to get some time away to see what I wanted to do, he is the one that filed for divorce after a week. I did not run off to Australia as soon as I left him, it was 4 months later and inbetween that time I was up to see the kids every weekend or would take them for the weekends. And then when i went to Aus it was only for 3 weeks. I then came back for the summer and then left again in the fall. I have been back and forth and was here for 7 months last summer/fall, so I could be with them. And they stayed with me most of the summer. Seeing their Dad on weekends.

2. Yes I felt the kids would be better off there, by their friends and school and their nice home. I thought they had been thru enough trama, with the impending divorce. I never thought he was a bad Dad until after I left and after I went to Australia and things started happening. He threatened suicide and had the kids an emotional wreck, my oldest daughter had to call the cops on him and have him put in jail because the poor poor man was so distraught that his GF dumped him, they thought it was in his best interest and for his protection. ( this was before our divorce too) He had only been dating her about 4 months (and he started dating her the days after he filed for divorce) I was in Aus at the time, there was nothing I could do. I was paying all my money out to him. No way to get back.

3. He always puts his GF first, kids second, he has kicked out my oldest daughter and now my second oldest daughter, which is why he gave me custody, he has no place for her, just so he could move in with his GF. He could have easily have gotten a apartment or house for them, I would have no qualms about paying my whole check to him IF he was supporting them. Right now he has no rent, no house payment, no utilities, no nothing. So all my support money goes to him for the kids and he is paying NOTHING for them. He lost the house in bankruptcy due to poor money management ( casinos and bars).
I have all my daughters things at my house, have repaired a car for her to use and pay the payments, insurance and give her money to live on. She lives with friends so she can graduate from the school which she has attended since 5th grade. I would never begrudge her of that.

4. The support I pay now would be fine, what i tried to do was get support lowered when I first got back, because I was barely making it. Now, the courts have come up with an amount that doesn't even match what i make or what i use to pay. They are telling me I have to pay 200 more a month for my children. And I have 2 less children to support then I use to.

I did write the judge after the divorce and tell him that I was not told that my ex was going after full custody until a week before the court date. I also told the judge giving him everything that we owned and giving me nothing was just simply wrong. Of course I heard nothing from the judge or the FOTC ( my ex has friends that run that department)
The one thing i took with me was a computer. I decided to let the kids use it for school, left it at the house for them to use. he calls me up and says he is hurting for money. I said if your hurting that badly sell the computer. He did for $700.00 but gave me no credit for it towards the CS. He is damn good at getting what he wants, playing mind games and making me the mess I was in when I left him in the first place. I guess in the long run I was scared of him then and I am still scared of him now. i have waited this long to even file for custody becuase I am so afraid after I do this he will not let me see the kids as much as he is now. i have to weigh these things but I am so tired of him manipulating me and running my life that I just have to go after him for one and for all.

My whole problem is, I can't just sit down and tell the judge why I did what I did and why i felt it was the best for my children at the time.

I know I caused my own problems for trusting someone I was hoping would be trustworthy but I stupid and try to think after 20 yrs of marriage he would have wanted to do the right thing.

Thanks for your help stealth2 and Lyle

Karen

 

[stealth2]

That's why you need a lawyer. But I'll repeat in all honesty - while you hope for the best, expect the worst.

 

[FJ1200guy]

I CANNOT believe you said the "F" word!!!!


"Friend of the court"! I hate them. But I guess they have too much on their plate to listen to anyone, or open their eyes at all. Fair enough. I beat them, the *******s.

ANYWAYS! lol...

Look here for some possible legal assistance...

"http://mi.lawhelp.org/"

And I say go for it... be patient, and look at the legal system as a puzzle... slowly put the peices together until it's all clear. GOOD Luck, keep me, at least, posted.

I had written you a long encouraging post... but it disappeared! Dang!!! Lyle

 

[Karen720]

dang

I missed it
Ill keep you posted