twopeas&apod
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio
I am a mother of two young boys (5 and 3). Final custody papers were filed 3 months ago. I have multiple questions and this is lengthy. Bare with me. The ruling is I am the residential parent. Ex gets weekends, I get weekdays and holidays are determined by standard order. He works second shift at a plant, I work first. I'm home in time to get the older boy off the school bus. My ex is trying to brew up a storm because I hired a babysitter that we both know and trust to care for the boys while I work. He wants me to hand them over to him when I go to work.
He defied a court order last year by not allowing me to have my kids at all or for only 4 hours a week during the first few weeks after I left him. The order was 50/50. He's constantly trying to get more time with them; I'm 110% sure if I were to go along with his requests I would be back in court fighting to keep my kids. He's done other things similar to that effect. It wouldn't be an issue, except he falls under every label for a personality disorder and behaves like child. He dumps the kids on his relatives or a sitter when he has them now just so he can go to parties or dates.
Some back history.. 13 months ago I left my ex after he started abusing me and my kids. The final straw was being informed by my ex's coworker that my ex was talking about ways to kill me, or have me end up dead one way or another. I had caught him meeting people off craigslist (men and women equally) for sexual encounters. He gave out almost every single detail of our lives to these complete strangers. He told them how to get to our home and about the kids and his family who lived on the property. I did print off what emails I could. He's still doing this for sure. I confronted him about it. He saw absolutely nothing wrong with being married with young children and inviting potentially dangerous people over for sex.
The older boy is a highly functioning autistic. He refuses to use the toilet. My ex started smacking him pretty hard and screaming at him, totally berating the kid at the top of his lungs, for going number 2 in his pull up. My son just started speaking in sentences just before this started. It's been a struggle just to get him talking. I feel that my ex could further hinder any progress, with the toilet issues at the top of the list. The younger one is no exception. He's starting to get extremely aggressive and defiant. A school psychologist has expressed serious concern over this change in behavior. It goes beyond "terrible two's". The boy rages at any little thing in a similar fashion as my ex. My younger son has also been cussing like a sailor (not from me or the babysitter). The cussing just started in the last few months. When I got them back after a visit on Christmas, my younger son said "momma you're a b**ch". I asked him who said that.. He replied "daddy". The day before this at the exchange my ex asked to have them for a few more nights. I said no, this is my time with them. He stormed off.
When I made it clear I was leaving, he hand wrote me a letter several pages long. It started out saying he was sorry, he loved me, I was beautiful, said "I GUESS I MIGHT be PARTLY to blame for this", blah blah blah. He may be write a response. I simply said "no, I will not stay and you cannot do this again. I'm done". He wrote a two page response to it. It was a totally different mood compared to the first pages. It's all off the wall. The most important part of that letter, he states "if you leave me, I will take those boys from you. So choice is yours". I wanted to request a mental exam on him, but my attorney at the time never did that. There are several pertinent factors for that request. I'm looking for a new attorney now.
My ex is also in contempt for taking my older son to the doctors office without my knowledge or consent. In the custody order it states I have absolute rule over any medical, religious or educational decision. In the past year he has been in contempt with the temporary orders over a dozen times, most them being medically related. He also repeatedly changes the address and phone numbers at the doctor's offices and pharmacy despite the order stating I am the residential parent. You can't have two addresses on these files. As in totally wiping my info off the file so I will not know of any appointments he makes. He is also in contempt for not paying $700 he owes me. He was given 6 months to pay it; He had until March 1st to do so. I didn't expect him to pay it anyway. He owes my uncle (contractor) $750 for work done 2 years ago and his family he owes thousands. He owes over $800 in back child support because he pays less than what is ordered (Is now in arrears but that doesn't matter to him). He hasn't paid anyone back. His mom was claiming it's because of this or that. Like buying a truck every 8-12 months for no other reason than boredom, painting his house, dates, etc.. He doesn't pay rent and has less than $300 a month for necessary expenses and his family covers most of the children's care. Lives at home. He makes $46K a year without overtime included in that figure, I make less than $20/K doing the same work for the same hours with all the normal expenses of family life.
He refuses to communicate on top of everything else. I have attempted to, but he ignores me. We both have iPhones. I text as much as possible to make sure everything is recorded. Because of his settings I can see if and when he reads messages. He definitely reads them, but no reply. Not unless he wants something from me or I hear from his attorney.
What steps should I take while I wait to get an attorney? Is it possible for him to argue my work hours to get sole custody? Can I have a mental exam requested? Or at least have court ordered family counseling? I already did a full exam because my ex was claiming in court I am diagnosed as bipolar, so I couldn't possibly take care of my children (SAHM for 2 years per HIS request). Never have been labeled as bipolar and never had the symptoms of it, but his older sister who lives with him has been diagnosed. His mother and grandmother have a serious mental health history as well.
Another question.. I have copies of text messages and emails my ex has sent to people about me. He has various stories, but keeps the general outline about the same. He tells everyone I cheated on him with a coworker, multiple guys, my sister-who has never met him-called him when I visited her in LA to tell him she caught me sleeping around, claimed he "kicked me out" because i got chlamydia and he didn't, I beat him up and abused the kids, etc... I never once cheated on him, hit him or abused the kids or had chlamydia! I have been stalked and harassed because of him doing this. I lost one job because of the harassment. It is a small town in which everyone knows everyone. Police did get involved a few times because I had been followed or he tried to have me removed from my work shift. Would it be possible to press defamation of character charges against him for spreading this given the fact I have copies of at least some of the messages? Something has to give..
I am a mother of two young boys (5 and 3). Final custody papers were filed 3 months ago. I have multiple questions and this is lengthy. Bare with me. The ruling is I am the residential parent. Ex gets weekends, I get weekdays and holidays are determined by standard order. He works second shift at a plant, I work first. I'm home in time to get the older boy off the school bus. My ex is trying to brew up a storm because I hired a babysitter that we both know and trust to care for the boys while I work. He wants me to hand them over to him when I go to work.
He defied a court order last year by not allowing me to have my kids at all or for only 4 hours a week during the first few weeks after I left him. The order was 50/50. He's constantly trying to get more time with them; I'm 110% sure if I were to go along with his requests I would be back in court fighting to keep my kids. He's done other things similar to that effect. It wouldn't be an issue, except he falls under every label for a personality disorder and behaves like child. He dumps the kids on his relatives or a sitter when he has them now just so he can go to parties or dates.
Some back history.. 13 months ago I left my ex after he started abusing me and my kids. The final straw was being informed by my ex's coworker that my ex was talking about ways to kill me, or have me end up dead one way or another. I had caught him meeting people off craigslist (men and women equally) for sexual encounters. He gave out almost every single detail of our lives to these complete strangers. He told them how to get to our home and about the kids and his family who lived on the property. I did print off what emails I could. He's still doing this for sure. I confronted him about it. He saw absolutely nothing wrong with being married with young children and inviting potentially dangerous people over for sex.
The older boy is a highly functioning autistic. He refuses to use the toilet. My ex started smacking him pretty hard and screaming at him, totally berating the kid at the top of his lungs, for going number 2 in his pull up. My son just started speaking in sentences just before this started. It's been a struggle just to get him talking. I feel that my ex could further hinder any progress, with the toilet issues at the top of the list. The younger one is no exception. He's starting to get extremely aggressive and defiant. A school psychologist has expressed serious concern over this change in behavior. It goes beyond "terrible two's". The boy rages at any little thing in a similar fashion as my ex. My younger son has also been cussing like a sailor (not from me or the babysitter). The cussing just started in the last few months. When I got them back after a visit on Christmas, my younger son said "momma you're a b**ch". I asked him who said that.. He replied "daddy". The day before this at the exchange my ex asked to have them for a few more nights. I said no, this is my time with them. He stormed off.
When I made it clear I was leaving, he hand wrote me a letter several pages long. It started out saying he was sorry, he loved me, I was beautiful, said "I GUESS I MIGHT be PARTLY to blame for this", blah blah blah. He may be write a response. I simply said "no, I will not stay and you cannot do this again. I'm done". He wrote a two page response to it. It was a totally different mood compared to the first pages. It's all off the wall. The most important part of that letter, he states "if you leave me, I will take those boys from you. So choice is yours". I wanted to request a mental exam on him, but my attorney at the time never did that. There are several pertinent factors for that request. I'm looking for a new attorney now.
My ex is also in contempt for taking my older son to the doctors office without my knowledge or consent. In the custody order it states I have absolute rule over any medical, religious or educational decision. In the past year he has been in contempt with the temporary orders over a dozen times, most them being medically related. He also repeatedly changes the address and phone numbers at the doctor's offices and pharmacy despite the order stating I am the residential parent. You can't have two addresses on these files. As in totally wiping my info off the file so I will not know of any appointments he makes. He is also in contempt for not paying $700 he owes me. He was given 6 months to pay it; He had until March 1st to do so. I didn't expect him to pay it anyway. He owes my uncle (contractor) $750 for work done 2 years ago and his family he owes thousands. He owes over $800 in back child support because he pays less than what is ordered (Is now in arrears but that doesn't matter to him). He hasn't paid anyone back. His mom was claiming it's because of this or that. Like buying a truck every 8-12 months for no other reason than boredom, painting his house, dates, etc.. He doesn't pay rent and has less than $300 a month for necessary expenses and his family covers most of the children's care. Lives at home. He makes $46K a year without overtime included in that figure, I make less than $20/K doing the same work for the same hours with all the normal expenses of family life.
He refuses to communicate on top of everything else. I have attempted to, but he ignores me. We both have iPhones. I text as much as possible to make sure everything is recorded. Because of his settings I can see if and when he reads messages. He definitely reads them, but no reply. Not unless he wants something from me or I hear from his attorney.
What steps should I take while I wait to get an attorney? Is it possible for him to argue my work hours to get sole custody? Can I have a mental exam requested? Or at least have court ordered family counseling? I already did a full exam because my ex was claiming in court I am diagnosed as bipolar, so I couldn't possibly take care of my children (SAHM for 2 years per HIS request). Never have been labeled as bipolar and never had the symptoms of it, but his older sister who lives with him has been diagnosed. His mother and grandmother have a serious mental health history as well.
Another question.. I have copies of text messages and emails my ex has sent to people about me. He has various stories, but keeps the general outline about the same. He tells everyone I cheated on him with a coworker, multiple guys, my sister-who has never met him-called him when I visited her in LA to tell him she caught me sleeping around, claimed he "kicked me out" because i got chlamydia and he didn't, I beat him up and abused the kids, etc... I never once cheated on him, hit him or abused the kids or had chlamydia! I have been stalked and harassed because of him doing this. I lost one job because of the harassment. It is a small town in which everyone knows everyone. Police did get involved a few times because I had been followed or he tried to have me removed from my work shift. Would it be possible to press defamation of character charges against him for spreading this given the fact I have copies of at least some of the messages? Something has to give..
