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custody and vivitation

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Illinois: I have had sole custody of my (now) 4-1/2 yr old daughter for the past 2 yrs, since her dad decided he didn't want to be a father anymore. Upon the split, he gave us a considerable down payment on a home, gave me the paid-for vehicle we had together and a generous (but within reason according to his income) child support amount. We were never married, but lived togther 7 years. I wanted him to be present in my daughter's life and therefore had to force him to make things consistent by seeking legal enforcement of a visitation agreement. He is supposed to see my daughter only 2 days a week: (and that was dificult to make him do) the same weekday and every other Sat or Sun. On these days, he comes as he pleases--never the same time and never pre-arranged. Yet, if I am not home (unusual), he goes nuts threatening to take me to court and have our child support order "shoved up your ass". This attitude has been more prevalent since last Dec when he announced his plans to marry his girlfriend (and her 9 yr old daughter!). I have never met this person (the fiancee) because she refuses to meet me, but my daughter's father thinks I have to let her pick up my daughter on his days, and let my daughter go to their July wedding, without me. I have no problem letting my daughter go to his wedding, but he said he will take care of my daughter at the wedding (a large event)and that I cannot be there with her. Not only do I disagree, but, the day of the wedding is not his designated day of visitation. Plus, both he and the fiancee are heavy drinkers and I do not trust him not to drink around my daughter on regular days, let alone at his own wedding! My daughter is not comfortable with the new stepmom, and has had emotional problems since her dad told her they are getting married--mostly separation anxiety, as diagnosed by her psychologist.
Now, my questions: 1.) Do I have the right to meet my daughter's future stepmother? Do I have to let my daughter stay overnight with her dad and stepmom--either now or after the wedding? (our court order says she can stay all night on Sat if she is willing, usually she is not willing, but he wants to make her stay)
2.) Just because he is getting married, can he have the sole custody changed to joint custody? He's no more involved in her life than he was before he got engaged
3.) He says he doesn't like that I only work part-time and live off the child support and wants detailed spending records of his monthly child support check--can he do that?
4.) Do I have the right to know where he is taking my daughter on the days he has her? I usually ask so I know how to dress her and what to send along, but he says it is none of my business, or he lies about it.
I just need answers so I can decide if I need to get a lawyer first. This guy makes mine and my daughter's lives miserable sometimes because he only cares about himself and how he looks to other people. In other words, he is SuperDad only when someone gets to see it.

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