Custody Battle, Please Help!

[homebuyinstinks]

What is the name of your state? CT

I live in CT and my husband and I just decided that we are not going to be able to live together anymore. We have a 5 year old daughter. I am the one who is moving out of the house and where I have nowhere else in the area that I can go, I am going to be moving to North Carolina to live with my mother for a little while. He is saying that he will not let me take my daughter out of state. Is there any advice that you can give me as to what I should do??

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? CT

I live in CT and my husband and I just decided that we are not going to be able to live together anymore. We have a 5 year old daughter. I am the one who is moving out of the house and where I have nowhere else in the area that I can go, I am going to be moving to North Carolina to live with my mother for a little while. He is saying that he will not let me take my daughter out of state. Is there any advice that you can give me as to what I should do??

You really should hire an attorney. Don't move out yet.

 

[homebuyinstinks]

I don't plan on moving out for a little while. I personally am broke, I don't really have money to fight. And I am scared to death that I am going to lose her. =(

 

[nextwife]

Get a job. Eventually, get yourself a place in the area you are in now. Moving the child away from either parent may be problematic. Both parents have a right to be in their child's life.

Rethink moving away. Women raise kids in their own homes without a guy all the time.

 

[homebuyinstinks]

The problem is I cannot find a job in this area. If I could, I would have already had one. I don't NEED him to help me raise her. I've been doing just fine for almost 5 years by myself since he works until well after she is in bed 6 nights a week. So thank you for your advice.

 

[nextwife]

The problem is I cannot find a job in this area. If I could, I would have already had one. I don't NEED him to help me raise her. I've been doing just fine for almost 5 years by myself since he works until well after she is in bed 6 nights a week. So thank you for your advice.

But you AREN'T raising your kid without a guy.

Who is paying the bills? PART OF RAISING A CHILD IS PROVIDING THEIR FOOD, HOUSING, ETC. You and he are both contributing to raising this child.

 

[Mamiof3]

Okay so you want to move to North Carolina? What kind of job can you get there in NC that you can't get in CT? Also, why are you moving out of the house and not him? You need to get a lawyer and have him do all the legal and correct paperwork for you now. Trust me do it NOW! If you wait too long you will be kicking your butt all the way to your moms house with no daughter. Divorce is messy. Even Messier we you are not prepared. Call around find a lawyer. Hell tell them your story a lot will work on payment plans. Don't be dumb do things the right way. Also just because he doesn't tuck her in at night does not mean he isn't a parent. You may think he does not help at all, but I assure you once he is gone and you really are ALONE you will notice the difference. PLUS big PLUS. He is the Father who at this point has as many rights as you. Reverse the case say you had the job and he stayed home and he wanted to take your daughter to NC. What wold you want to happen? Bottom Line. Hire a Lawyer!

 

[Ohiogal]

The problem is I cannot find a job in this area. If I could, I would have already had one. I don't NEED him to help me raise her. I've been doing just fine for almost 5 years by myself since he works until well after she is in bed 6 nights a week. So thank you for your advice.

Okay lets be blunt -- YOU can say you don't NEED him however YOU DID NEED HIM. Without him to impregnate you when you spread your legs you would not have her. And SHE needs him because that is HER father -- WHO YOU CHOSE. You are stuck with him until you die, he dies or your daughter dies. Your daughter deserves her father in her life. And you have not been doing fine by yourself -- you cannot afford to feed, clothe, or house this child. He works long hours? Well guess what? He has been supporting his family. Now before you criticize how -- bear in mind without him working, you would have nothing and your daughter would have had nothing. YOU do not get to decide to take YOUR (that is PLURAL as in your AND his) child out of state away from her father. BOTH parents are equal in the eyes of the court. Look harder and you will find a job.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? CT

I live in CT and my husband and I just decided that we are not going to be able to live together anymore. We have a 5 year old daughter. I am the one who is moving out of the house and where I have nowhere else in the area that I can go, I am going to be moving to North Carolina to live with my mother for a little while. He is saying that he will not let me take my daughter out of state. Is there any advice that you can give me as to what I should do??

Yes, move already. Leave HIS daughter with him. Simple huh?

 

[LdiJ]

Do NOT move out of the house without your child, unless a judge orders you to do so.

As the other's told you, you need to get a job and hire an attorney.

 

[homebuyinstinks]

Ok well for most of you, thanks for not helping me. All you have done is pass judgement on me by the way that i worded the post. Yes, he does work and provide for his family, I am not begrudging that. I have spoken to a lawyer and I was told that *I* would be the one to take her because *I* am the primary care giver. While he works I am the one who takes care of her. The person who taught her everything she knows.

If you would all open your eyes and shut your mouths you would see that. You shouldn't be so quick to spill out (non)advice if there is no advice behind what you say.

For those of you who did help and that is a selected few, I do appreciate it. Thank you.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Who are you to tell people to Shut up? Umm, ,,,,,Nobody! You have gotten the advice. You can get in serious trouble moving with her out of state, and don't be surprised when the judge tells you that you cannot remove the child out of state period.

 

[Zephyr]

did you make it CLEAR to the attorney you spoke with that your intentions were to move the child away from her other parent?

and even if you did, if dad fights you legally- you are still screwed- he can wrap you up in court there for a year or more just in the determination on moving.....how will you support yourself and her during that time? how will you pay the lawyer during that time? and then when the judge says "no" to the move- cause 75% of all dad's who fight to the bitter end for custody GET IT then will you still move without her? or will you find a way to stay near her?

if it's the second then you might as well maintain whatever advantage you may have for keeping her and stay in the area and make it work

 

[haiku]

as a former CT resident myself, I highly doubt any lawyer you spoke to told you it would be "easypeasy" for you to take the child out of connecticut jurisdiction.

you will need a lawyer if your husband, who in the state of CT has an equal presumption of custody, wants to fight you for custody.

You will need to mediate very CLEAR reasons as to how this move would benefit the kid, and show the court how incredibley generous you are going to be with visitation and the costs of such, if you expect to have any chance.

And your chance will likely fly out the window, and at the least become very costly if you were to leave the state with the kid, before your custody agreement is final.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok well for most of you, thanks for not helping me. All you have done is pass judgement on me by the way that i worded the post.

All we have is what you posted.

Yes, he does work and provide for his family, I am not begrudging that.

Yes you were when you say you did not NEED him and do not NEED him. Well guess what? Your daughter needs him.

I have spoken to a lawyer and I was told that *I* would be the one to take her because *I* am the primary care giver. While he works I am the one who takes care of her. The person who taught her everything she knows.

Oh you taught her EVERYTHING? Your husband had NOTHING to do with her at all? Ummm, guess what? Being the primary caretaker may give you an edge in primary residential custody but it gives you NOTHING when you want to move out of state.

If you would all open your eyes and shut your mouths you would see that. You shouldn't be so quick to spill out (non)advice if there is no advice behind what you say.

I could say something but I refuse to sink to your ignorant level.

For those of you who did help and that is a selected few, I do appreciate it. Thank you.

Just because you don't like the answers doesn't mean they were not accurate.