CJane
Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Missouri
As you know if you've been reading my posts, I'm currently attempting to change my custody agreement. It's been in place for a little over a year, and my ex is now remarrying, which seemed like a good time to revisit the agreement and update it to more closely reflect the ways that we've applied it throughout the past year or so.
I retained an attorney, and she drafted a new agreement, after stating that the one that we're currently following is 'barely legal' anyway. The way that the current agreement is written follows the standard joint custody agreement for our state, yet it says that my ex has sole legal custody. It's a pretty obvious contradiction, but he insisted on that wording, without any regard to what the rest of the agreement said. There is also a provision that I can't take the kids more than 100 miles away from his town without consent, because he considers me a flight risk (nevermind the fact that I've lived here for more than 14 years and all of my family is nearby).
So, I had a new agreement drafted. One that is more equitable for us both. It's not yet filed.
Tonight, my kids told me that their father's fiance had told them that she's going to be a stay at home mommy as soon as her and my ex get married because she "Loves them too much to force them to go to daycare" and that they'll only have to go on the days that I have visitation because I "Choose to work rather than spend time with them". I called my ex as soon as I got home, and asked him about it. He admitted that they'd discussed her staying home with the kids in order to save some money, and that he didn't feel that it was any of my business whether they were in daycare or not when they weren't with me. I pointed out to him that in MO, daycare expenses are considered part of child support, so if he wasn't paying daycare, it may raise the amount of child support owed to me. I also told him that I was having a new custody agreement drafted, and I'd like to sit down together and take a look at it and see if we could come to a compromise rather than going to court. He said that there was no way he was agreeing to ANY changes, and he'd fight me on child support forever before he'd ever 'let me live off him again'. He also said that I should "Think very carefully about my past behavior" before I brought up any changes.
So, my question is, how much stuff that was the subject of our divorce (whether or not it was true) is up for debate again? What was actually stated in court (we settled without a trial) was that I was agreeing that he get full legal custody of the kids because he was more able to offer them a stable environment than I was at the time (I'd only had a job for about 2 weeks, and it was a temporary position). But, what I KNOW he'll bring up, if he can get away with it, is his assertion that I'm addicted to the internet, and that I cheated on him, and that I consistently put the kids in danger while they were with me because I was 'exposing' them to people he didn't personally like. None of that is actually true, except for the fact that he didn't like some of my friends.
Since the divorce, I've secured a job that I love, and that I'm extremely secure in. I've lived in the same place for the duration, and have no plans to move anytime soon. I have the kids more time than he actually does, and I've followed the decree almost to the letter. I've NEVER interfered with his vistation, have been willing to swap around weekends when he goes out of town for business, have only introduced them to two people that they didn't know prior to the divorce, have taken them to almost every Dr appointment that they've had - even ones that fell on his days, I've kept them when they were sick and he didn't want to take time off of work, I've kept them on snowdays that were technically his, and I arranged for my mother to keep them over his portion of their winter break so that he didn't have to take time off of work to have his visitation with them. I've been a nearly model mother, and I've worked very hard to provide a stable environment for them.
It's my impression that the only things that can be brought up if there's a new custody hearing is things that have taken place since the agreement went into affect. Am I correct?
Also, doesn't he look awfully silly to be claiming that I'm not 'fit' to have joint legal custody when I was a stay at home mom for 5 years, my kids are extremely happy, healthy, and bright (straight As), and I have them more time than he does? If I'm not fit for legal custody, how can I possibly be fit for as much physical custody as I have?
As you know if you've been reading my posts, I'm currently attempting to change my custody agreement. It's been in place for a little over a year, and my ex is now remarrying, which seemed like a good time to revisit the agreement and update it to more closely reflect the ways that we've applied it throughout the past year or so.
I retained an attorney, and she drafted a new agreement, after stating that the one that we're currently following is 'barely legal' anyway. The way that the current agreement is written follows the standard joint custody agreement for our state, yet it says that my ex has sole legal custody. It's a pretty obvious contradiction, but he insisted on that wording, without any regard to what the rest of the agreement said. There is also a provision that I can't take the kids more than 100 miles away from his town without consent, because he considers me a flight risk (nevermind the fact that I've lived here for more than 14 years and all of my family is nearby).
So, I had a new agreement drafted. One that is more equitable for us both. It's not yet filed.
Tonight, my kids told me that their father's fiance had told them that she's going to be a stay at home mommy as soon as her and my ex get married because she "Loves them too much to force them to go to daycare" and that they'll only have to go on the days that I have visitation because I "Choose to work rather than spend time with them". I called my ex as soon as I got home, and asked him about it. He admitted that they'd discussed her staying home with the kids in order to save some money, and that he didn't feel that it was any of my business whether they were in daycare or not when they weren't with me. I pointed out to him that in MO, daycare expenses are considered part of child support, so if he wasn't paying daycare, it may raise the amount of child support owed to me. I also told him that I was having a new custody agreement drafted, and I'd like to sit down together and take a look at it and see if we could come to a compromise rather than going to court. He said that there was no way he was agreeing to ANY changes, and he'd fight me on child support forever before he'd ever 'let me live off him again'. He also said that I should "Think very carefully about my past behavior" before I brought up any changes.
So, my question is, how much stuff that was the subject of our divorce (whether or not it was true) is up for debate again? What was actually stated in court (we settled without a trial) was that I was agreeing that he get full legal custody of the kids because he was more able to offer them a stable environment than I was at the time (I'd only had a job for about 2 weeks, and it was a temporary position). But, what I KNOW he'll bring up, if he can get away with it, is his assertion that I'm addicted to the internet, and that I cheated on him, and that I consistently put the kids in danger while they were with me because I was 'exposing' them to people he didn't personally like. None of that is actually true, except for the fact that he didn't like some of my friends.
Since the divorce, I've secured a job that I love, and that I'm extremely secure in. I've lived in the same place for the duration, and have no plans to move anytime soon. I have the kids more time than he actually does, and I've followed the decree almost to the letter. I've NEVER interfered with his vistation, have been willing to swap around weekends when he goes out of town for business, have only introduced them to two people that they didn't know prior to the divorce, have taken them to almost every Dr appointment that they've had - even ones that fell on his days, I've kept them when they were sick and he didn't want to take time off of work, I've kept them on snowdays that were technically his, and I arranged for my mother to keep them over his portion of their winter break so that he didn't have to take time off of work to have his visitation with them. I've been a nearly model mother, and I've worked very hard to provide a stable environment for them.
It's my impression that the only things that can be brought up if there's a new custody hearing is things that have taken place since the agreement went into affect. Am I correct?
Also, doesn't he look awfully silly to be claiming that I'm not 'fit' to have joint legal custody when I was a stay at home mom for 5 years, my kids are extremely happy, healthy, and bright (straight As), and I have them more time than he does? If I'm not fit for legal custody, how can I possibly be fit for as much physical custody as I have?
