custody evaluation

[cjub13]

What is the name of your state? Maryland

My lawyer sent a letter to my ex-girlfriend asking her to particpate in mediation. Her mother responded, "you will be hearing from our lawyer."

My lawyer is going to file for paternity/custody and visitation on Tuesday, the 5th. He is requesting a custody investigation and evaluation.

My ex was agreeable to mediation for a few months, but she is bi-polar and keeps changing her mind. She now wants me to give up my parental rights.
I dated her for two years and I cared about her, and I care about the child. We split up before I knew she was pregnant.

Is there any advice you can provide?

I can only find: http://www.courts.state.md.us/family/custody.html

 

[VeronicaGia]

You cannot just give up your parental rights, and even if you could, unless she has a husband that is going to adopt, your obligation to pay support will continue. Don't even consider it.

At some point, she will have not choice but to go before the judge. You may want to consider asking her to pay your attorney for all the stalling she's doing.

 

[cjub13]

Thank you. I did ask the lawyer to do that already. He said he would, but it would probably "not fly" since she is on state aid.

I printed several forms out from the Maryland law (http://www.courts.state.md.us/family/forms/casemgt.html) web site, and we sat down on the 3rd of June to discuss them. I offered her:

1. Child support - 100.00 per month while I am in school (that is more than the child support calculator figured out for our situation, In Maryland, child support is based on minimum wage at 40 hours per week if the parent is making a salary under that amount, which I am. Both parents are responsible for child support. She does not work, an does not want to work, she dropped out of school at 15).

2. Pay for all diapers, medical expenses, and formula.

3. Pay for half of childs expenses (clothes, supplies, day care)

I wanted a graduated visitation schedule. Starting with a few hours twice a week until it was 4 months old, then 6 hours at a time, overnights starting next summer. As the child grew, I wanted every other weekend, plus one evening from 4 pm until 8 pm, every other week. 4 weeks summer, not necessarily all at once, 3 extra days Christmas break, and every other Thanksgiving, Fathers Day, and 1 extra day Spring Break. I didn't fight for Christmas Day, our Family celebrates Christmas several times during the holiday. I didn't ask for the childs Birthday. I will celebrate it when I see it during regular visitation.

My family is willing to all chip in and pay for medical insurance until I am fully employed.

Do you think this is unreasonable?

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you. I did ask the lawyer to do that already. He said he would, but it would probably "not fly" since she is on state aid.

I printed several forms out from the Maryland law (http://www.courts.state.md.us/family/forms/casemgt.html) web site, and we sat down on the 3rd of June to discuss them. I offered her:

1. Child support - 100.00 per month while I am in school (that is more than the child support calculator figured out for our situation, In Maryland, child support is based on minimum wage at 40 hours per week if the parent is making a salary under that amount, which I am. Both parents are responsible for child support. She does not work, an does not want to work, she dropped out of school at 15).

2. Pay for all diapers, medical expenses, and formula.

3. Pay for half of childs expenses (clothes, supplies, day care)

I wanted a graduated visitation schedule. Starting with a few hours twice a week until it was 4 months old, then 6 hours at a time, overnights starting next summer. As the child grew, I wanted every other weekend, plus one evening from 4 pm until 8 pm, every other week. 4 weeks summer, not necessarily all at once, 3 extra days Christmas break, and every other Thanksgiving, Fathers Day, and 1 extra day Spring Break. I didn't fight for Christmas Day, our Family celebrates Christmas several times during the holiday. I didn't ask for the childs Birthday. I will celebrate it when I see it during regular visitation.

My family is willing to all chip in and pay for medical insurance until I am fully employed.

Do you think this is unreasonable?

No, that doesn't sound unreasonable at all. The only thing that might be a little iffy in my eyes is that you may be expecting overnights a little too soon. Starting overnights often depends on the individual child and when that child is "ready". It also really bothered me that you called the child "it"...so please try to remove that from your vocabulary....because it could bother others too. It can make it sound like you are viewing the child as an object rather than as an individual person with needs and feelings of their own.

 

[cjub13]

Thank you. "It" is removed.

I will post again after the evaluation has been completed. I appreciate your advice.

 

[stealth2]

I'm a little confused now. I thought perhaps you used "it" because the child had not yet been born. So I went and looked at your past posts. Here's the one that confused me:

When I was pregnant, the father signed a paper in the JAG office that said he acknowledged he was the father of the child I was carrying. That acknowledgement was used when I filed for child support. I never had any other paperwork done. He never signed the birth certificate, and his name is on it.... granted that was 20 yrs ago!

The paper says at the top, Acknowledgment of Paternity. I 'father's name', acknowledge that 'mother's name' is at this date approximately 3 months pregnant. I hereby acknowledge I am the natural father of the child to be born. Dated: 11 October 1984 at 3:30 PM.

It is notorized. I did not sign it.

The paper above as described would no longer be considered an acknowledgment of paternity, giving the father any rights??

I am asking for two reasons. First if the mother decides she does not want to have the father involved, and the father wants to see his child and pay support, and secondly for instances such as the new "safe harbor" laws.

So..... who are you, exactly?

 

[cjub13]

That was my mom using my log on. I showed her this web site.
I knew she had posted the question. We were trying to get information concerning "paternity". The laws have changed! She pulled out her old documents. She is a firm believer in being prepared and gathering information. She knows this is between the two of us, but she encourages me to get information and seek counsel.

I found this under Maryland law for established paternity (http://www.marylandlawonline.com/md/family/custody.htm#4):

Unmarried Cohabitants

If the parents are unmarried, the child is the child of his/her mother. In order for the father to assert rights to the child (including rights to custody or visitation), paternity must be admitted or established in court. Paternity can be established by: judicial determination of paternity; father's acknowledgment of paternity in writing; father's open and notorious recognition of the child as his own; or by marrying the mother and then acknowledging himself as the father, either in writing or orally. In order for a father to bring suit to establish paternity by judicial determination, he should file an action for "filiation"; but, this is not required to seek custody if any of the other three methods has established paternity. Once paternity is established, neither party will be given a preference based solely on the gender. The Domestic Relations forms do not cover paternity actions. If you are seeking to establish paternity, consult an attorney.

 

[cjub13]

New thought??

I just thought of something. My lawyer made a comment to me that my ex will now deny I am the father of the child. She is stalling. She did in fact sit down with me and my mother and agree to what I proposed on June 3, as I stated before. She had agreed to mediation. I have all the paperwork that she printed out from the internet, that we went over together. Now I am paying a lawyer to file for paternity/custody/visitation, dna, house inspection or evaluation, court costs, and a mental evaluation.

I just remembered that we have her on the recorder. Every phone conversation, dated back to Dec 2004. My mom has the computer answer the phone. The first 3 minutes are recorded, and she is aware she is being recorded, so it is admissable in court? There is even conversation of us both laughing about the recorder. The conversation definately proves that she has stated I am the father. ALL the conversations concern the child!!!

 

[stealth2]

Whether it's admissible is up to the judge. I wouldn't base my entire case on it, however.

In all honesty, it's stupid for any guy to blithely assume that he is the father of a child - particularly when he wasn't married to the mother. (I have a little more faith in the covenant of marriage, although I fully realize that is a naive perspective.)

And........ shooting from the hip here - as much as your Mom helps you with all of the info and stuff? She really has no place at the bargaining table. I would have a real problem if my ex had to have his Mommy there. As I would think he would have an issue with mine in the middle of it.

 

[nextwife]

Starting with a few hours twice a week until it was 4 months old, then 6 hours at a time, overnights starting next summer.

Why is overnights starting NEXT summer "too soon"? I don't agree he should NOT ask for that. The child will be ONE by then!

That is not at all too soon, IMHO. If he's going through all this and setting up a visitation schedule, why shouldn't he get overnights into his graduated schedule now, instead of leaving it out of his proposal?

 

[LdiJ]

Why is overnights starting NEXT summer "too soon"? I don't agree he should NOT ask for that. The child will be ONE by then!

That is not at all too soon, IMHO. If he's going through all this and setting up a visitation schedule, why shouldn't he get overnights into his graduated schedule now, instead of leaving it out of his proposal?

I didn't say it was too soon...I said it was "iffy". It all depends on the child.
I also wasn't entirely sure that the child was born yet.

 

[titansfan]

this is between you and your ex the grandmas should butt out

neither your mother or her mother are parties to this,and should stay out of it. its strictly between you and your ex.dont agree to anything without talking to a lawyer first, no mtter how much pressure they put on you.