Custody Inquiry

[messiah99]

What is the name of your state? NC

I am going to court for sole custody of my son. The father usually sees him 3-4 times a year now, but once this whole thing is brought to court, I don't know what to expect. I understand the judge will want what is best-which may mean every other weekend visitation, but I don't want the visits to be so frequent. I would prefer for things to stay the way they are--3-4 visits a year, or no visitation at all. He feels as if he can pop up in my son's life when it's convenient for him, and it's not fair.

I recently got married, and my husband has been in my son's life ever since he was 1. My son calls him "Dad". He has been more of a father figure to him than his bio-dad.

 

[hexeliebe]

I understand the judge will want what is best-which may mean every other weekend visitation, but I don't want the visits to be so frequent. I would prefer for things to stay the way they are--3-4 visits a year, or no visitation at all. He feels as if he can pop up in my son's life when it's convenient for him, and it's not fair.

It doesn't matter what you want anymore just as it doesn't matter what your ex wants. What WILL happen is what is best for the child.

If your ex wants every other weekend then barring any disqualifying situation such as a danger to the child or being judged unfit, he's going to get it.

That doesn't mean he has to exercise his visitation. Visitation is a RIGHT, not a requirement.

And whether or not he does exercise it is none of your business.

Sorry, but that's what happens in divorce.

 

[shuga24]

I agree with you but, some of these people are going to get on your case. I'm just giving you a warning. I have been there about the same subject. good luck

 

[shuga24]

It doesn't matter what you want anymore just as it doesn't matter what your ex wants. What WILL happen is what is best for the child.

If your ex wants every other weekend then barring any disqualifying situation such as a danger to the child or being judged unfit, he's going to get it.

That doesn't mean he has to exercise his visitation. Visitation is a RIGHT, not a requirement.

And whether or not he does exercise it is none of your business.

Sorry, but that's what happens in divorce.

It doesn't say anything about divorce in her post

 

[messiah99]

Thanks Shuga!

I am not divorced from my son's dad--I am the "Baby mother " FOr the past 4 years he hasn't been there consistently, just when it is convenient for him. My son knows him, but he chose not to be there on a consistent basis. Ever since I filed the paperwork for child support and custody--my "baby father" hates my guts and will not talk to me in a civilazed manner. He feels like I am the wrong one for going through with the paperwork after all these years. I don't see where there will be any damage done to my son while he's with him, I guess it's just the thought of him spending so much time with him that I don't like. And maybe it's because my husband has played the role of "Dad". When my son goes spend time time with his dad, he always takes him over his grandmothers house, or his sister's house--never spending an entire 24 hours with him by hi,self--always dumping him off on someone else. At his grandmother's house, so one is there to tell him right from wrong or to tell him "no" they let him do what he wants. they don't feel him adequate meals, they give him candy all day long, they don't dress him properly for the weather--they don't do what I feel should be done as far as taking care of him.

 

[WyattJ]

You know I have one those too....he gets every other weekend, holidays .....ect....and whats he go and do....lets everyone else have him. I say "Oh Well" one of these days my son will see how his dad really is. My husband shows him more of the father figure then his bio-dad. It's part of life. We had kids by these idiots and now we have to pick up the pieces.

 

[shuga24]

does he even have paternity on this child. If not than he has a big problem then. My case is just like yours and these people were wrong. They trhought i was in the wrong. they never read the whole post. They were hard on me. so what i did is I did more reserarch on nevada nd my case and I won my case. I have to go back to court though NCP refuses to mediate. hex didn't even see that your weren't even married. Hex's signature really points to the one who signed it.

 

[shuga24]

You know I have one those too....he gets every other weekend, holidays .....ect....and whats he go and do....lets everyone else have him. I say "Oh Well" one of these days my son will see how his dad really is. My husband shows him more of the father figure then his bio-dad. It's part of life. We had kids by these idiots and now we have to pick up the pieces.

We shouldn't have to pick up thier pieces. It's sad that we have to though. He needs to see what its like when he can't come see that child anymore. When his rights are gone. Then maybe he would wake up and see what he is missing out on

 

[WyattJ]

Good Luck!

 

[stealth2]

I don't see where there will be any damage done to my son while he's with him, I guess it's just the thought of him spending so much time with him that I don't like. And maybe it's because my husband has played the role of "Dad".

Well, that's all really kinda too bad. That's the guy you chose to be your son's father. Not your current husband. How the father chooses to spend his visitation time - and with whom - is none of your business (legally) unless the child is placed into a dangerous situation. Candy to eat doesn't count. Your best bet is to find a way to deal with the father and to help your son build a relationship with his Dad.

 

[haiku]

It does not matter if you were ever married to the father, he IS the father, and if he wants to ask for visitation, wants to ask for joint custody, he just might get it. And what he does with it is only his business.

 

[nextwife]

Yup, married or not, he is the father. I suspect that some of the uninvolved fathers disengaged because of subtle or not so subtle barriers erected by the biomoms (who resent that the father either didn't change into what they wanted him to be or resent that the dad didn't want THEM when they discovered the pregnancy). Think long and hard about whether you truly facilitate or complicate his attempts at visitation. If the answer is the latter, then perhaps you have an answer as to why he so seldom takes his visitation time.

 

[Nugget4U]

Also... maybe you don't have a problem here. Have you talked to the Bio-dad about this? He may be satisfied with the current arrangement.
Often a judge will look at the current "visitation" schedule and ask why the bio-Dad has seen the child so little. What do you think Dad would say to this?

Later! FJGuy

 

[messiah99]

In the past, I have made several attempts to "reach out" for him to spend time with our child, but he always seemed pre-occupied with something else, or claims that he didn't have the money to spend time with him (whatever that means). In September, He calls to tell me that he has a new car (2000 Cadillac) and now he can take my son here and there, but has only asked to see my son once in the past 4 months. I can see where it may seem like he wants to make that step and be a responsible dad, but something always holds him back, and he never looks at it as "this is for my child, I need to sacrifice to make sure he has the best". I know that I am wrong for not wanting him to take part in my child's life and that is an issue I am working on overcoming. I haven't felt this way until recently, and it could be because of theanger and hate I have towards him that I feel this way. I am learning to understand that because he and I are mad at each other, that does not validate my not wanting him to see his son. Bare with me--I am working on it!!! It will take time and prayer. Hopefully we can resolve this issue without going before a judge. But I am pretty sure once his wages are garnished this month--he will stand up and fight now--whereas in the past--he could care less whether he spent time or not with our son. For our child support cases he did not show up, but now that the order is in effect, and he sees that his checks will be missing more than half--I am pretty sure he want to show his face in a court room.