Custody issues with an alcoholic ex

[wornOUTinMD]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland, Anne Arundel County

My Ex and I have joint/shared custody of our two sons (3 & 6). Since Memorial Day, my ex has been MIA - he stopped picking up the boys for the weekend (these are the days that he has them per our court ordered agreement). Meanwhile, he left me a message saying that he was in prison and he'd talk to me and explain later. I never heard from him for 3 weeks. He was then released and picked up our boys for the weekend. The following weekend, I received a phone call from a friend who had to pick up my Ex and kids because the police had pulled him over for drunk driving; he was picked up the same day for wandering in the street, drunk, with our sons after 10pm. From what I was told by the bondspeople and this friend, my Ex has several other charges (that I wasn't aware of) against him - Driving while intoxicated, under the influence of drugs, he was recently in a bad car accident - numerous times, drunk, and had the children with him during these events. On the particular night that he was picked up twice, I was advised by the police to take the children from him and take them home because my Ex was still drunk. I had to fill out an incident report for a "domestic incident.". And that was that. The police officer suggested that I fill out an ex parte against my Ex if I feel that my children are in danger. My Ex argues that an ex parte is void due to our shared custody.

My question is: I do feel that he endangers my children - what do I do? What needs to be filed?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Isis1]

Get an ex-parte order first thing tuesday morning. If dad was drunk driving on his own, the courts could care less. But in this case he had the children with him. That is not acceptable. Stop taking legal advice from someone who doesn't care about anyone else but themselves. Get a copy of his criminal record along with the police report from this latest fiasco. Attach it to the ex-parte declaration. As soon as the courts open!

 

[wornOUTinMD]

Awesome! Thank you so much for responding. I am already prepared to show up on the court's doorstep tomorrow morning. Is there something else that I should be doing in regards to this? I applied for full custody of my children last year, but was denied because the judge felt that I should "just deal with it" and accept that my Ex is immature and reckless. Should I re-apply, or is that just a waste of time? I am fully capable of doing so, and have been doing so, pretty much since our split. Help! Thanks!

 

[Isis1]

Awesome! Thank you so much for responding. I am already prepared to show up on the court's doorstep tomorrow morning. Is there something else that I should be doing in regards to this? I applied for full custody of my children last year, but was denied because the judge felt that I should "just deal with it" and accept that my Ex is immature and reckless. Should I re-apply, or is that just a waste of time? I am fully capable of doing so, and have been doing so, pretty much since our split. Help! Thanks!

It depends on WHY you want full custody. If your goal is to cut dad out of the children's lives, then no wonder the judge denied you. What you CAN ask for, is no drinking while the children are with dad during his visitation time, and no drinking 12 hours prior to his visitation time. You can ask for parenting time. You can ask for supervised visitation until the parenting classes are completed. You can ask for a deadline for the parenting classes to be completed. You can ask for a continued hearing date for dad's progress. You can bring a list of parenting classes for dad to take. You can request for the children to be ordered into family therapy with dad. You can request dad to go to AA.

 

[LdiJ]

It depends on WHY you want full custody. If your goal is to cut dad out of the children's lives, then no wonder the judge denied you. What you CAN ask for, is no drinking while the children are with dad during his visitation time, and no drinking 12 hours prior to his visitation time. You can ask for parenting time. You can ask for supervised visitation until the parenting classes are completed. You can ask for a deadline for the parenting classes to be completed. You can ask for a continued hearing date for dad's progress. You can bring a list of parenting classes for dad to take. You can request for the children to be ordered into family therapy with dad. You can request dad to go to AA.

Assuming, of course, that dad isn't going to end up doing some time over this last round of arrests. That sort of thing might have to wait until after dad is released, and maybe the criminal courts will order that he do all of those things anyway.

It definitely sounds like dad is a danger to the children at this time, but just as much so to himself and the general public. Dad definitely needs some help.

 

[wornOUTinMD]

Thanks for the responses!!!

No, the intent is not to cut Dad out of the kids' lives; Dad is unstable. Dad isn't dependable. He's been to AA previously, even openly admitted that he did not want to stop drinking. I want him to be in the boys' lives, but not in a dangerous way. He doesn't view the children seeing him drunk or driving drunk with them as a problem. He won't accept the help, therapy, or classes that have been offered to him in the past. He refuses to do the work and has told men so... So I basically end up being both parents at times. We've both been through the parenting classes and some therapy, but it has not helped... My concern is for my children and their safety. If he refuses the AA, therapy, classes, etc., what am I to do?

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the responses!!!

No, the intent is not to cut Dad out of the kids' lives; Dad is unstable. Dad isn't dependable. He's been to AA previously, even openly admitted that he did not want to stop drinking. I want him to be in the boys' lives, but not in a dangerous way. He doesn't view the children seeing him drunk or driving drunk with them as a problem. He won't accept the help, therapy, or classes that have been offered to him in the past. He refuses to do the work and has told men so... So I basically end up being both parents at times. We've both been through the parenting classes and some therapy, but it has not helped... My concern is for my children and their safety. If he refuses the AA, therapy, classes, etc., what am I to do?

Your only option would be to try to get a judge to order that his visitation be supervised.