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Custody Modification.

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willphish4food

Junior Member
(California) I am the Father. Would like to know how hard is it to modify our custody agreement? It's 50/50 now with no child support. The mother moved out of the county 4 years ago about three hours away. I have had our daughter full time ever since she left. Mother is not active in our daughters life. I have been driving this route once or twice a month for four years and done with doing it. She has only been here at my house four times in four years. I have a case number if needed. What are the chances to modify our agreement? Thank you.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
(California) I am the Father. Would like to know how hard is it to modify our custody agreement? It's 50/50 now with no child support. The mother moved out of the county 4 years ago about three hours away. I have had our daughter full time ever since she left. Mother is not active in our daughters life. I have been driving this route once or twice a month for four years and done with doing it. She has only been here at my house four times in four years. I have a case number if needed. What are the chances to modify our agreement? Thank you.
What do you mean by "I have been driving this route once of twice a month for four years and am done with doing it"? That doesn't jive with "Mother is not active in our daughter's life".
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Presumably, you are crossing the Southern border with relative frequency - it wouldn't surprise me if she is not comfortable crossing, given the current climate. It would quite likely be a more complicated crossing from Mexico -> US, regardless of her status. (I am assuming she is from Mexico, but has papers to be in the US?) It is almost a given that Mom will receive some type of regular parenting time/ Given that you "have been driving this route once or twice a month for four years " added to the complications with the border crossing, I could see a court making you responsible for the transportation, possibly with her having to contribute at least partially. Whether the latter would include meeting you at the border, paying for some portion of transportation costs (i.e. gas), I don't know. What *I* would suggest is your coming up with some alternate plans (perhaps once a month w/an extended time during summer, alternating holidays & breaks, and so on) to present to the court. Just saying "I'm done with it" will not help you.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Presumably, you are crossing the Southern border with relative frequency - it wouldn't surprise me if she is not comfortable crossing, given the current climate. It would quite likely be a more complicated crossing from Mexico -> US, regardless of her status. (I am assuming she is from Mexico, but has papers to be in the US?) It is almost a given that Mom will receive some type of regular parenting time/ Given that you "have been driving this route once or twice a month for four years " added to the complications with the border crossing, I could see a court making you responsible for the transportation, possibly with her having to contribute at least partially. Whether the latter would include meeting you at the border, paying for some portion of transportation costs (i.e. gas), I don't know. What *I* would suggest is your coming up with some alternate plans (perhaps once a month w/an extended time during summer, alternating holidays & breaks, and so on) to present to the court. Just saying "I'm done with it" will not help you.
Where did you get Mexico? He said mom moved out of the county, not country.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Where did you get Mexico? He said mom moved out of the county, not country.
Sorry - read "country", and Mexico was the closest that would involve a three-hour distance. Definitely my bad. But I will claim credit for giving considered thought!

I still think a judge *may* expect Dad to continue what he started. Or at least meet half-way. Regardless- he would be well-advised to a plan beyond "I'm done."
 

HRZ

Senior Member
MIght be time to revisit the order...often one expects the move away parent to pick up the travel burden ...and if there is a major shift in custodial time then why is not child support revisited ( assuming mom has ability to pay a reasonable amount of CS) .....but your long delay in addressing the issues and a new status quo in place are not points in your favor .

I agree just as a layman that a " I'm done " may not serve Dad well if in court if he has established a new status quo.....and there may be more creative ways to induce/pressure Mom to pick up some of the travel burden .

BTW does the current order address travel or who does what ...could be important
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
(California) I am the Father. Would like to know how hard is it to modify our custody agreement? It's 50/50 now with no child support. The mother moved out of the county 4 years ago about three hours away. I have had our daughter full time ever since she left. Mother is not active in our daughters life. I have been driving this route once or twice a month for four years and done with doing it. She has only been here at my house four times in four years. I have a case number if needed. What are the chances to modify our agreement? Thank you.
What you want to do is to modify, with the change of circumstances being that the status quo is no longer 50/50; you want the order to reflect the current status quo.

If you are successful in doing that, then child support can and should be revisited. If your issue is the long drive, you can offer mom that you'll waive some or all cs if she takes up the responsibility of driving. If your issue is that Mom and daughter don't have a good relationship, request that daughter get therapy at Mom's expense.
 
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HRZ

Senior Member
I'm still asking about what if anything the order says about travel arrangements ...might matter.

A bit depends on Dads Moxie to file his own actions ...a legal bill to pursue CS from a parent unable to pay, IF such is rhe case is a poor investment ...and if it is but one trip a month that may be a small burden compared to a debate IF Mom elects to debate in court ...yes a modified order would be nice...
 

willphish4food

Junior Member
Ive been driving back and forth from my house to hers. In four years she been here at my house or Hotel four times. There is No agreement stating any kind of driving arrangements. She never notified the courts she is leaving the County. She basically packed up and left. Pick ups and drop offs were in our arrangements for the County I live in. (We only lived 5 miles apart) it's almost 200 miles through a 2 lane windy road through the mountains. I'm not trying to sound like whiner but it's becoming a hardship on me money wise. Gas, Food, Lodging. Your looking at almost $300 a trip not to mention wear and tear on my vehicle. I want it to be modified that she has to start making the drive and be active in our daughters life. Once in a blue moon she lets me stay at her place. Yes I put our daughter in therapy, been about 4 months now.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Well, at this point, I really would suggest you consult with an attorney in your county. You would have been wise to modify things four years ago, but that's water under the bridge. And while you are only obligated to follow what is in your current order, a local judge would be able to give you a better idea of what sort of liability you might face in front of the judge should you decide to insist on those p/u and d/o arrangements. Especially after four years of creating a new status quo wrt transportation. It could also matter if your daughter goes from one-two weekends a month with Mom to nothing. The effect it has on her could be an important factor.
 

CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
Ive been driving back and forth from my house to hers. In four years she been here at my house or Hotel four times. There is No agreement stating any kind of driving arrangements. She never notified the courts she is leaving the County. She basically packed up and left. Pick ups and drop offs were in our arrangements for the County I live in. (We only lived 5 miles apart) it's almost 200 miles through a 2 lane windy road through the mountains. I'm not trying to sound like whiner but it's becoming a hardship on me money wise. Gas, Food, Lodging. Your looking at almost $300 a trip not to mention wear and tear on my vehicle. I want it to be modified that she has to start making the drive and be active in our daughters life. Once in a blue moon she lets me stay at her place. Yes I put our daughter in therapy, been about 4 months now.
The court cannot, and will not, force Mom to be a decent parent to your child. I do think however that you need to get the order modified to reflect the status quo.
 

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