What is the name of your state? CA
OK,..I am about at my wits end.... I have an ex husband that is a narcissist and will not be happy until I am either out of the picture of our 2 children's lives all together (his ultimate goal would be to move the girls to Oregon where his family is) or to have total control over everything as it relates to our children. Right now, he is winning with the control.
My lawyer gave me some horrible legal advice and I am locked into an judgment that I do not agree with and I am unsure how to change it. I had a move away case (I wanted to move with our children 1 hour away from where my ex and I lived) and understood that since my ex and I had a 50/50 costody (legal and physical) that a judge would probably not grant me permission to move the children out of the area. As I advised my lawyer, I understood that this would be a tough one, however we needed to come as close to a 50/50 time share as possible. ( Since I was moving, I was looking at weekday visits, weekends and most holidays and breaks) The custody evaluator recommended that exact schedule, and specified that I was to have 1 midweek visit, 3 weekends out of the month, summers (with him having 1 mid week and 2 weekends during the summer), spring breaks and we would swap Christmas and Thanksgiving. The schedule she recommended was a very broad schedule and I asked my lawyer several times to nail down a more specific schedule that addressed all of the little items that would become and issue later, ROFR, Monday holidays that were not specified, July 4th, Easter, things of that sort. My ex and his lawyer refused to negotiate so we were headed for trial.
While we were in the hallway on our court date, my ex's lawyer came to us wanting to discuss some of the items that were on the table so that we didnt have to go infront of the judge. During the hallway negotiations, my lawyer told me to make certain concessions and agree to certain things that they were asking for because it would get us to the end, and then they would go back to the offices and hash out all of the other details. Agreeing to some items (and I did get a couple of items in return) actually ended up with me giving away a lot of time with the children and well, in the end, they never went back to hash out the other details. He didnt demand from my ex husband and his lawyer the things that I emailed and told my lawyer were most important to me. When it came time to sign the judgement, I held off because I was very dissatisfied with it, but my lawyer told me that if I didnt sign it so he could get it into the judge, he would be held in contempt and then sanctioned. (he and my ex's lawyer had already missed one court date and then had to make an rush appearance for sanctions because of the missed date. ) I thought that meant I would be required to pay a fine and so, under protest I signed the judgment.
I want to make several modifications to the current arrangements and go back and request the things my lawyer didnt, such as ROFR, Monday holidays that the girls are out of school, and take away the provision of making the girls physically available on the 1st Sat. of the month during the school year for sporting activities between 9-1 PM, but I am scared that I will end up losing more time with the children.
I want to change the sporting activities because my ex is using this as a way to continue to control what I do with girls when they are with me. I wanted to sign them up for different activities in my area where they spend a majority of thier time, but because of this clause, I cant, however, he can sign them up for anything he wants, whether or not they want to participate in the activity or not.
Like I said, his ultimate goal is to take me back to court and go for full legal and physical custody of the girls so that he can move with his girlfriend back home to Oregon, which is another reason why I am scared to raise a stink. (he has already threatened me several times in an email that this is what he wants to do)
How can I go back and make a successful bid for modifications? There have also been a few changes since a month after our court date, as well as my ex husband being VERY difficult in the arena of legal custody (makes schooling decisions concerning the children without notifying me, does not list me as mother on thier school or medical/dental information, etc.) as well as has changed residence from a 3 bedroom house that he shared with his girlfriend and her son to a 2 bedroom apartment that the 5 of them live in. This move was done 1 month after our court date, and was clearly because the case was over. (he moved in to "impress" the evaluator)
is the name of your state?
OK,..I am about at my wits end.... I have an ex husband that is a narcissist and will not be happy until I am either out of the picture of our 2 children's lives all together (his ultimate goal would be to move the girls to Oregon where his family is) or to have total control over everything as it relates to our children. Right now, he is winning with the control.
My lawyer gave me some horrible legal advice and I am locked into an judgment that I do not agree with and I am unsure how to change it. I had a move away case (I wanted to move with our children 1 hour away from where my ex and I lived) and understood that since my ex and I had a 50/50 costody (legal and physical) that a judge would probably not grant me permission to move the children out of the area. As I advised my lawyer, I understood that this would be a tough one, however we needed to come as close to a 50/50 time share as possible. ( Since I was moving, I was looking at weekday visits, weekends and most holidays and breaks) The custody evaluator recommended that exact schedule, and specified that I was to have 1 midweek visit, 3 weekends out of the month, summers (with him having 1 mid week and 2 weekends during the summer), spring breaks and we would swap Christmas and Thanksgiving. The schedule she recommended was a very broad schedule and I asked my lawyer several times to nail down a more specific schedule that addressed all of the little items that would become and issue later, ROFR, Monday holidays that were not specified, July 4th, Easter, things of that sort. My ex and his lawyer refused to negotiate so we were headed for trial.
While we were in the hallway on our court date, my ex's lawyer came to us wanting to discuss some of the items that were on the table so that we didnt have to go infront of the judge. During the hallway negotiations, my lawyer told me to make certain concessions and agree to certain things that they were asking for because it would get us to the end, and then they would go back to the offices and hash out all of the other details. Agreeing to some items (and I did get a couple of items in return) actually ended up with me giving away a lot of time with the children and well, in the end, they never went back to hash out the other details. He didnt demand from my ex husband and his lawyer the things that I emailed and told my lawyer were most important to me. When it came time to sign the judgement, I held off because I was very dissatisfied with it, but my lawyer told me that if I didnt sign it so he could get it into the judge, he would be held in contempt and then sanctioned. (he and my ex's lawyer had already missed one court date and then had to make an rush appearance for sanctions because of the missed date. ) I thought that meant I would be required to pay a fine and so, under protest I signed the judgment.
I want to make several modifications to the current arrangements and go back and request the things my lawyer didnt, such as ROFR, Monday holidays that the girls are out of school, and take away the provision of making the girls physically available on the 1st Sat. of the month during the school year for sporting activities between 9-1 PM, but I am scared that I will end up losing more time with the children.
I want to change the sporting activities because my ex is using this as a way to continue to control what I do with girls when they are with me. I wanted to sign them up for different activities in my area where they spend a majority of thier time, but because of this clause, I cant, however, he can sign them up for anything he wants, whether or not they want to participate in the activity or not.
Like I said, his ultimate goal is to take me back to court and go for full legal and physical custody of the girls so that he can move with his girlfriend back home to Oregon, which is another reason why I am scared to raise a stink. (he has already threatened me several times in an email that this is what he wants to do)
How can I go back and make a successful bid for modifications? There have also been a few changes since a month after our court date, as well as my ex husband being VERY difficult in the arena of legal custody (makes schooling decisions concerning the children without notifying me, does not list me as mother on thier school or medical/dental information, etc.) as well as has changed residence from a 3 bedroom house that he shared with his girlfriend and her son to a 2 bedroom apartment that the 5 of them live in. This move was done 1 month after our court date, and was clearly because the case was over. (he moved in to "impress" the evaluator)
is the name of your state?