custody of my children

[wornOUTinMD]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

My boyfriend (of almost 9 yrs) and I have recently seperated. We have two sons, 2 1/2 and 5 1/2 between us. The boys reside with me for majority of the time (about 5 days a week) and my ex gets them on the weekends. When we initially split up, he (my ex) stated that he would pay for childcare, no matter how much it would cost. Now, he has decided that whoever needs the babysitter must pay for it. The payment of the babysitter is one huge issue. The back story is - I used to support both of us and the kids, financially. Now, that I've put him out, he's on his own. He's now disgusted with the fact that he has to actually pay bills, utilities, etc. as we all do in the real world, so he decides that he's too "broke" to pay for raising his children. The only thing that he does pay for is health insurance for the kids. Other than that, my ex doesn't feel that he should have to pay for anything in relation to the boys, unless it's eating out, Xbox games or toys. He continues to tell me that he would like to split the boys 50/50, yet he won't pay for the simple things that they need for everyday living. We have also signed up for parenting "mediation." The mediation hasn't even started, but he has already expressed an interest in cancelling the mediation process because he feels it is a "waste." My instinct is to just go ahead and file for sole custody/custodial custody of my boys and to also file for child support. Is there something else that I should do? Am I jumping the gun? Do I need to make him cognizant of my custody filing?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Ohiogal]

Do you have any clue of how expensive health insurance is?

Second, he doesn't have to do anything without a court order so be happy he is providing health insurance.

 

[LdiJ]

Do you have any clue of how expensive health insurance is?

Second, he doesn't have to do anything without a court order so be happy he is providing health insurance.

I agree that he doesn't have to provide anything without a court order, but its a bit much to imply that providing health insurance is all that an NCP has to do.

 

[CourtClerk]

I agree that he doesn't have to provide anything without a court order, but its a bit much to imply that providing health insurance is all that an NCP has to do.

It may not be all the NCP has to do, but it's more than he has to do right now, so thank God for small favors because she could be having to pay for that too.

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

My boyfriend (of almost 9 yrs) and I have recently seperated. We have two sons, 2 1/2 and 5 1/2 between us. The boys reside with me for majority of the time (about 5 days a week) and my ex gets them on the weekends. When we initially split up, he (my ex) stated that he would pay for childcare, no matter how much it would cost. Now, he has decided that whoever needs the babysitter must pay for it. The payment of the babysitter is one huge issue. The back story is - I used to support both of us and the kids, financially. Now, that I've put him out, he's on his own. He's now disgusted with the fact that he has to actually pay bills, utilities, etc. as we all do in the real world, so he decides that he's too "broke" to pay for raising his children. The only thing that he does pay for is health insurance for the kids. Other than that, my ex doesn't feel that he should have to pay for anything in relation to the boys, unless it's eating out, Xbox games or toys. He continues to tell me that he would like to split the boys 50/50, yet he won't pay for the simple things that they need for everyday living. We have also signed up for parenting "mediation." The mediation hasn't even started, but he has already expressed an interest in cancelling the mediation process because he feels it is a "waste." My instinct is to just go ahead and file for sole custody/custodial custody of my boys and to also file for child support. Is there something else that I should do? Am I jumping the gun? Do I need to make him cognizant of my custody filing?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

File for support RIGHT NOW. Then, if he wants to fight about visitation - let him file. You already have sole custody (being an unmarried mother).

 

[wornOUTinMD]

Yes I do know how much health insurance is - I have already been providing that for my kids. He feels that since he's doing JUST that, he's done all of his work for his kids.

 

[Humusluvr]

Yes I do know how much health insurance is - I have already been providing that for my kids. He feels that since he's doing JUST that, he's done all of his work for his kids.

Well, that's why this beautiful country of ours created the Child Support Enforcement Agency.

 

[truebluemd]

File for support RIGHT NOW. Then, if he wants to fight about visitation - let him file. You already have sole custody (being an unmarried mother).

No she doesnt. In MD both parents have equal rights to the child, until a judge determines otherwise. From what a lawyer explained to me. She could file for support only. Child Support does not protect the kids from being taken by dad, and dad filing for custody, unless he is not on the BC, then he has absolutely no rights to the kids.

I am curious though, what prompted mediation if there is nothing filed with the court? Dad does not have to go to mediation unless court ordered, and then, he can choose to be present, but not participate in mediation. My mediator told me that some parents just show up and sit there for the required two hour session and say or do nothing. They are only there to comply with the order. Hopefully your ex will mature to work out a parenting pland for the kids

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

... Now, he has decided that whoever needs the babysitter must pay for it. ...

...Other than that, my ex doesn't feel that he should have to pay for anything in relation to the boys, unless it's eating out, Xbox games or toys. He continues to tell me that he would like to split the boys 50/50, yet he won't pay for the simple things that they need for everyday living. ...

Which is it?

 

[Ohiogal]

Which is it?

What she means is that her ex won't give HER money to spend on the boys (i.e. child support payments).

 

[truebluemd]

What she means is that her ex won't give HER money to spend on the boys (i.e. child support payments).

That was my understanding as well. He doesnt work, so techinically he doesnt need a baby sitter, so he is implying that mom should be soley responsing for daycare costs. Also, he doesnt want to spend any money on anything but the fun stuff as as he wants to.

OP, I take it that dad still wants to be active in the kids life, so to protect both your rights and the childrens rights, I suggest you file for custody. It can an possibly will get ugly, but if youi guys can work together to come to an agreement, it will lessen the ugliness

 

[wornOUTinMD]

child support & custody - ugh, pls help!

Wow, thanks for all of the advice and info! It is very helpful so far...

I was advised to go to mediation, because it would be needed before any court action. Yes, in MD both parents have shared custody, so I've read. Dad has now decided that he doesn't want to participate in mediation.

In a nutshell, Dad doesn't want to pay for anything, period, unless it is some means of entertainment for the kids - i.e. eating out, amusement parks, toys. He does want to be in their lives on a daily basis, but he would prefer it to be "cost free" for him because he states that he doesn't make enough money. He feels the financial part should fall on someone else (me, my parents, etc.) because, as he told me, "things cost too much."

I don't hate my ex; I am just disappointed with how he's handling the situation with the seperation. We sit down from time to time to make new arrangements and/or agreements on things concerning the kids. Unfortunately, depending on how the wind blows, he'll change his mind about what we agreed upon or refuse to do what he agreed (and this happens daily), so...

My main questions are, can I file for child support and/or custody? Would I have to share custody with him, despite he won't keep up his end of bargain? What if he just outright refuses to comply with any court ordered requests? Which do I file for first? Should we write up our own agreement and have it notarized or filed in court? I have absolutely no clue how to go about this! Help!

 

[wileybunch]

A notarized agreement is nothing. If you're going to agree to something, it must be in legal form and be filed as a stipulation and order.

You're in the phase where 1 or both of you are saying THIS is the way it's going to be ... no THIS is the way it's going to be. Obviously there are laws that govern these things, it's not a chicken fight to see who backs down first.

When it comes to child support, that's the easiest part of breaking up and settling things. One or both parties may not like how it is, but it's really just math. Just get on with it, file, get it done. One or both of you may complain bitterly about it, nevertheless, it's not hard to do and then you can move on.

 

[truebluemd]

Wow, thanks for all of the advice and info! It is very helpful so far...

I was advised to go to mediation, because it would be needed before any court action. Yes, in MD both parents have shared custody, so I've read. Dad has now decided that he doesn't want to participate in mediation.

I am not sure if the court will accept it, but if you guys are doing it on your own, thats a good foot forward. Maryland family courts require that both parties attend parenting class and mediation. The family court in my county had an abundance of info on this. It's also on this website:

Maryland's Peoples Law Library :: Law-related, self-help information for Marylanders

In a nutshell, Dad doesn't want to pay for anything, period, unless it is some means of entertainment for the kids - i.e. eating out, amusement parks, toys. He does want to be in their lives on a daily basis, but he would prefer it to be "cost free" for him because he states that he doesn't make enough money. He feels the financial part should fall on someone else (me, my parents, etc.) because, as he told me, "things cost too much."

I can guarantee you that if he doesnt fight you on primary custodialship or shared custody, he will be ordered to pay child support, but of course,, thats only if you file. Your agreement in mediation will have no legal binding until a judge signs off on it.

I don't hate my ex; I am just disappointed with how he's handling the situation with the seperation. We sit down from time to time to make new arrangements and/or agreements on things concerning the kids. Unfortunately, depending on how the wind blows, he'll change his mind about what we agreed upon or refuse to do what he agreed (and this happens daily), so...

No custody over kids is easy for either parent. If you guys can come to an agreement in mediation it will save a lot of drama in court so its good that you guys can even sit down and talk from time to time. Hopefully he can realize that.

My main questions are, can I file for child support and/or custody?

Because you two are not married, you can file for child support only, but I am encouraging you to file for both. If there is no custody order that could cause some conflicts in teh future when dad decides to "change his mind about something."

Would I have to share custody with him, despite he won't keep up his end of bargain?

That would be up to the judge. He/She will look at all the factors to see if you guys can co-parent on a shared 50/50 basis. Are you in the same school district? Do you get along? The age of the kids? Who has been teh primary caregiver of the kids? Who do the kids live with now and how long?

What if he just outright refuses to comply with any court ordered requests?

A court order is not a request, its an order. And it will depend on what the order states. For instance, if he is the NCP, he cannot be found in contempt for not excercising visitation, if its ordered, but you can modify it to reduce visitation if he is not taking advantage of it.

Which do I file for first?

If you want to start recevieing CS now, you can open a CS case separately. If you file for custody, they will automatically order child support because its state law, but the custody applications have boxes for custody, child support, and alimony. Just check the ones you want. Go to that website because they have links to all the DOMESTIC RELATIONS forms.

Should we write up our own agreement and have it notarized or filed in court?

I

f you want to avoid being ordered to go to mediation ($200 for each parent) that may be a good idea, but it will be up to a judge. Generally, the first hearing is a scheduling conference and they will order a DNA test, if necessary, and set up your pende lite hearing. The pende lite hearing will determine temporary custody and temporary child support. If the children have been livign primarily with you, you will get temporary custody, unless dad shows why you shouldnt.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

... Maryland family courts require that both parties attend parenting class and mediation. ....

This part is not true. I've never been required to do either.