What is the name of your state? Virginia
Hello. Been about a year since I posted last. You can read my previous posts I believe for a more thorough history.
My ex and I closed out a custody case September 6, 2018. We had our initial trial in Feb 2018 where the courts decided, upon recommendation from the GAL, that the kids stay with me and nothing change. I can explain why if needed. He appealed and asked for continuances several times. That put us to the September hearing which he asked for a continuance for as well and wasn't at court. We came to a temporary agreement based on an emergency situation with our kids.
We knew our son was exposed to inappropriate sexual behavior by a child his own age in 2016 at age 10. I reported it as soon as I found out. Severed contact with that child. There was 2 forensic interviews. No charges came from it as our son had a hard time sharing. He was already in therapy at the time so this was addressed as well. Back in August well sooner he started showing signs of puberty but also started to act out sexually. It was a purprise as with changes at school and therapy and a med change he had been doing great with no more fights or aggressive behavior and was showing great progress with neurofeedback also. With this acting out, he engaged in inappropriate behavior with his sister which she told me immediately literally seconds later. Their father has been out of state in Florida since June 2018 for military orders. I spoke to my attorney and the GAL and our daughter was already scheduled to visit her step mom so we sent her there in agreement while a plan could be made. I did what was necessary for safety but it was a hard decision. The GAL didn't want our son going with dad due to previous abuse allegations and other issues brought up in court. It's been very rough on our daughter.
I tried to work out an amicable order with my ex via court and attorneys but everything I asked for he fought and he told his attorney 2 weeks before court he couldn't be there and it was likely going to continued again. I decided the fighting back and forth was too much on top of the bomb that went off with this situation. So I agreed to what was being offered as my ex and his wife assured me that he would be back from training 5 weeks after court for good. So our agreement was our son is with me and our daughter with him with step mom providing care in dads absense. The kids are to have minimal contact in passing to accomplish visitation. I get every other weekend visits with our daughter and tuesdays and thursdays after school until 830 p.m. and he gets the same for our son. But 1 week before court they asked to add an out clause where step mom will only take our son every other saturday when dad is away on orders during the day and no overnights. That's the part I didn't like and made very clear. But I agreed knowing he would be back soon and it was short lived. I just had a clause added that if I could make arrangements for our son to be away on my weekends I could still maintain my overnights with our daughter. I asked that dad be required to make arrangements too but that wasn't met with any agreement. The reason for step mom not agreeing to overnights with my son while my ex is gone is because she doesn't feel she can supervise her 2 boys and my son on her own. I have many reasons I didn't like this but I was advised the courts wouldn't ask her to do more so I agreed. We settled it all prior to our hearing and the judge signed off.
We found out once my son started seeing a csotp that he was indeed fully molested by this other child but never disclosed. He has been seeing this specialist for over 8 weeks now. My daughter is seeing her normal therapist. I get my daughter every tues and thurs as allowed and take her to dinner and do homework and softball practice. I take her to therapy on an alternating basis with step mom and provide most transportation to and from appts due to step moms demanding job. The only way I can see her overnights on my weekends is by renting a hotel for myself and her or my husband ie step dad and my son so the kids are seperate. I take our son to weekly therapy and his med management appts and social skills group and his monthly ortho appointments.
So, this is my issue. Shortly after court, I was informed my ex was in fact not coming fact from Florida soon but will be there until June 2019. Its the military. I get it. My issue is now that I know what he waw cross rating too for the navy and the rate, he knew all along he wasn't going to be back for awhile. He nor step mom are involved in our sons therapy or schooling etc. Well, my daughters therapist has recommended that our kids be allowed contact with adult supervision in a public setting for a family dinner. And that our son be allowed to be nearby in the stands at her softball games and practice. As of now, he doesn't and that means step dad stays home with him meaning he cannot see my daughter as we have no help from dad or step mom. The therapist stated that our childrens case in complicated and neither child is anymore at fault than the other. Her therapist agrees our daughter has showed inappropriate sexual behaviors towards are son long before what happened to him (it was covered up by dad and didn't come out until right before our initial trial). We both suspect she may have been exposed somehow but she denies so strongly. She, in the past, made allegations against her step brother and confirmed them in a forensic interview as her therapist reported it. But nothing came of it and now she says she was lying. Our son's therapist is also agreeing to a weekly family dinner. He also has stated our son is no risk to his step brothers. He feels our kids trigger eachother and obviously no joint visits will be allowed until they are both older. My son is 12 but is socially like an 9 yr old. I understand this is how things are in that regard. However, my ex and his wife are refusing to comply with the therapists recommendations. My ex is saying he will decide when things change. I am not happy given until june 2019 at minimum the only way I can have overnights with my daughter is if we pay for hotels. We, ie me and my husband, have no family in the area. So, I guess my question is, with the therapists recommendations in writing, is it even worth filing for a modification so it can be added to our order? The custody case and all the continuances resulted in over 15k in fees which I am still paying off. I won't lie that I feel upset that he filed and fought for over a year to get just our daughter (when the GAL released her report a week prior to our first trial and he saw he wasn't winning he changed to only wanting our daughter) and witheld knowing 1. He was leaving the whole summer and 2. That he was going to be out of state for quite awhile. And gets all this stuff in place and isn't even here to help pick up the pieces for our kids and has not been communicating even by phone with our sons therapist. And I still have to assure our daughter gets where she needs to go due to step moms schedule. Yet, I can't get them to meet me in the middle. He also filed for reduced child support which I already agreed to lower to the amount requested initially but now he changed the amount and is asking for ridiculous things and refusing to budge. But that's another thread.
Hello. Been about a year since I posted last. You can read my previous posts I believe for a more thorough history.
My ex and I closed out a custody case September 6, 2018. We had our initial trial in Feb 2018 where the courts decided, upon recommendation from the GAL, that the kids stay with me and nothing change. I can explain why if needed. He appealed and asked for continuances several times. That put us to the September hearing which he asked for a continuance for as well and wasn't at court. We came to a temporary agreement based on an emergency situation with our kids.
We knew our son was exposed to inappropriate sexual behavior by a child his own age in 2016 at age 10. I reported it as soon as I found out. Severed contact with that child. There was 2 forensic interviews. No charges came from it as our son had a hard time sharing. He was already in therapy at the time so this was addressed as well. Back in August well sooner he started showing signs of puberty but also started to act out sexually. It was a purprise as with changes at school and therapy and a med change he had been doing great with no more fights or aggressive behavior and was showing great progress with neurofeedback also. With this acting out, he engaged in inappropriate behavior with his sister which she told me immediately literally seconds later. Their father has been out of state in Florida since June 2018 for military orders. I spoke to my attorney and the GAL and our daughter was already scheduled to visit her step mom so we sent her there in agreement while a plan could be made. I did what was necessary for safety but it was a hard decision. The GAL didn't want our son going with dad due to previous abuse allegations and other issues brought up in court. It's been very rough on our daughter.
I tried to work out an amicable order with my ex via court and attorneys but everything I asked for he fought and he told his attorney 2 weeks before court he couldn't be there and it was likely going to continued again. I decided the fighting back and forth was too much on top of the bomb that went off with this situation. So I agreed to what was being offered as my ex and his wife assured me that he would be back from training 5 weeks after court for good. So our agreement was our son is with me and our daughter with him with step mom providing care in dads absense. The kids are to have minimal contact in passing to accomplish visitation. I get every other weekend visits with our daughter and tuesdays and thursdays after school until 830 p.m. and he gets the same for our son. But 1 week before court they asked to add an out clause where step mom will only take our son every other saturday when dad is away on orders during the day and no overnights. That's the part I didn't like and made very clear. But I agreed knowing he would be back soon and it was short lived. I just had a clause added that if I could make arrangements for our son to be away on my weekends I could still maintain my overnights with our daughter. I asked that dad be required to make arrangements too but that wasn't met with any agreement. The reason for step mom not agreeing to overnights with my son while my ex is gone is because she doesn't feel she can supervise her 2 boys and my son on her own. I have many reasons I didn't like this but I was advised the courts wouldn't ask her to do more so I agreed. We settled it all prior to our hearing and the judge signed off.
We found out once my son started seeing a csotp that he was indeed fully molested by this other child but never disclosed. He has been seeing this specialist for over 8 weeks now. My daughter is seeing her normal therapist. I get my daughter every tues and thurs as allowed and take her to dinner and do homework and softball practice. I take her to therapy on an alternating basis with step mom and provide most transportation to and from appts due to step moms demanding job. The only way I can see her overnights on my weekends is by renting a hotel for myself and her or my husband ie step dad and my son so the kids are seperate. I take our son to weekly therapy and his med management appts and social skills group and his monthly ortho appointments.
So, this is my issue. Shortly after court, I was informed my ex was in fact not coming fact from Florida soon but will be there until June 2019. Its the military. I get it. My issue is now that I know what he waw cross rating too for the navy and the rate, he knew all along he wasn't going to be back for awhile. He nor step mom are involved in our sons therapy or schooling etc. Well, my daughters therapist has recommended that our kids be allowed contact with adult supervision in a public setting for a family dinner. And that our son be allowed to be nearby in the stands at her softball games and practice. As of now, he doesn't and that means step dad stays home with him meaning he cannot see my daughter as we have no help from dad or step mom. The therapist stated that our childrens case in complicated and neither child is anymore at fault than the other. Her therapist agrees our daughter has showed inappropriate sexual behaviors towards are son long before what happened to him (it was covered up by dad and didn't come out until right before our initial trial). We both suspect she may have been exposed somehow but she denies so strongly. She, in the past, made allegations against her step brother and confirmed them in a forensic interview as her therapist reported it. But nothing came of it and now she says she was lying. Our son's therapist is also agreeing to a weekly family dinner. He also has stated our son is no risk to his step brothers. He feels our kids trigger eachother and obviously no joint visits will be allowed until they are both older. My son is 12 but is socially like an 9 yr old. I understand this is how things are in that regard. However, my ex and his wife are refusing to comply with the therapists recommendations. My ex is saying he will decide when things change. I am not happy given until june 2019 at minimum the only way I can have overnights with my daughter is if we pay for hotels. We, ie me and my husband, have no family in the area. So, I guess my question is, with the therapists recommendations in writing, is it even worth filing for a modification so it can be added to our order? The custody case and all the continuances resulted in over 15k in fees which I am still paying off. I won't lie that I feel upset that he filed and fought for over a year to get just our daughter (when the GAL released her report a week prior to our first trial and he saw he wasn't winning he changed to only wanting our daughter) and witheld knowing 1. He was leaving the whole summer and 2. That he was going to be out of state for quite awhile. And gets all this stuff in place and isn't even here to help pick up the pieces for our kids and has not been communicating even by phone with our sons therapist. And I still have to assure our daughter gets where she needs to go due to step moms schedule. Yet, I can't get them to meet me in the middle. He also filed for reduced child support which I already agreed to lower to the amount requested initially but now he changed the amount and is asking for ridiculous things and refusing to budge. But that's another thread.
