Custody questions

[CORRINA6209]

What is the name of your state? Connecticut

My infant daughter lives with me and her father comes to visit
her. We have no legal agreement. Sometimes he says that he doesn't want anything to do with her because of me and leaves and will not come see her for days. He is pretty unstable - Changing his mind on whether or not he wants to be a father to her almost daily. How can we get an agreement in writing that I have sole custody of her - yet he can come see her, without taking her on his own (I don't trust that he'd pay enough attention to her, thus compromising her safety)

 

[BL]

You have to Petition the Court , and get an order .

Don't count on what your asking for " sole custody " without him having overnight visits, if he request them.

No other written agreements are Legal.

It would be up to a Judge to decide.

Has he been established as the Legal Father ?

Have you Petitioned for Child Support ?

 

[nextwife]

Has it occured to you that his problem in staying around the house to spend time with his child is not an issue of not wanting to be a parent, but rather, and issue of you and he not getting along? That he needs his OWN time with his child - without you there.

 

[stealth2]

If you didn't trust him to spend time with his child w/o you around, you shouldn't have had a child with him. It's as simple as that. If this goes to a mediator or court, expect that he'll be getting the child - on his own - for overnights, weekends, some holidays, and a chunk of time in the summer.

 

[haiku]

first has paternity been established?

if it has been established, as it stands now without a court order saying otherwise, you both have legal rights to the baby.

nothing you and he decide on outside of the court room wil stand up legally if there is ever a dissagreement over who has the baby.

you will have to petition the court for custody and visitation, and without solid evidence of danger to the child, the father will likely get at least joint custody and visitation.

you will have to go to mediation together to work out a visitation agreement together before going before the judge to have it made official.

And again barring solid proof, he WILL legally get visitation rights in his own home, including overnights.

 

[LdiJ]

If you didn't trust him to spend time with his child w/o you around, you shouldn't have had a child with him. It's as simple as that. If this goes to a mediator or court, expect that he'll be getting the child - on his own - for overnights, weekends, some holidays, and a chunk of time in the summer.

Eventually...not at first.

 

[jslopez711]

Eventually...not at first.

REALLY!!!! didn't know you were ruling on this one! Your statement is an opinion and you should own that statement.

 

[haiku]

Eventually...not at first.

having been down this road in connecticut with a 4 month old odds are he will get his overnights sooner than later......

 

[LdiJ]

having been down this road in connecticut with a 4 month old odds are he will get his overnights sooner than later......

I am sure that is correct. I was just making the point that infants don't normally go into a standard parenting time schedule right off the bat...it generally phases in, even if that process happens to move more quickly in some areas than in others.

 

[haiku]

I am sure that is correct. I was just making the point that infants don't normally go into a standard parenting time schedule right off the bat...it generally phases in, even if that process happens to move more quickly in some areas than in others.

well here in ct there are no "standard" rules, dealing with a childs age, and most of the other new England states, are the same BTW.

the OP needs to face the very real possibility that things will not all go her way, if this reaches court. barring things we don't know, restricting her ex's visitation in any way will not happen, even initially.

 

[nextwife]

The moms are no better prepared when their kid is handed to them than are the fathers. We don't require THEY be "transitioned" into parenting. Man, some 16 year old pops out a baby, for example, and 24 hours later goes home with them -with no restrictions whatsoever. Yet some think (and advocate that) an adult father NEEDS to be "transitioned" into being a father ONLY because his child was born outside of marriage.

 

[CORRINA6209]

Yes, he is on the birth certificate. He doesn't want to spend time with her alone. He tells me that he doesn't feel responsible enough to be on his own with her. He also gets into these manic moods and says things like, if anything should happen to the baby, he wishes she was never born, he was going to take back her Xmas presents, he doesn't want to be a father. So you all think that he is entitled to ALONE time with my defenseless little girl? I did love this guy and trusted him. I had no idea he was going to be like this.

 

[nextwife]

My mom always told me to watch how a man responded to and acted with other peoples babies, if I wanted to get a feel for what kind of father a man might be. I watch my brother and male cousins cooing and carrying on with young babies, and it's easy to tell they are totally comfortable. I observed my hubby with kids long before I decided to marry him and have a family together. If he had not seemed comfortable in a daddy role, I'd have given him his walking papers instead of marrying him.

 

[haiku]

Yes, he is on the birth certificate. He doesn't want to spend time with her alone. He tells me that he doesn't feel responsible enough to be on his own with her. He also gets into these manic moods and says things like, if anything should happen to the baby, he wishes she was never born, he was going to take back her Xmas presents, he doesn't want to be a father. So you all think that he is entitled to ALONE time with my defenseless little girl? I did love this guy and trusted him. I had no idea he was going to be like this.

well as it stands now, if he signed the paternity affadavit in hospital to be on the birth certificate, he DOES have as much right as you, to parent his child alone, without a custody order saying otherwise, and even so, without proof, if he wants visitation he will likely get it.

You should consult with an attorney asap, about your concens and look into going to court to legalize things.

You both will be ordered to go to mediation where you can discuss your concerns and work out an agreement that works for both of you. both of you will also be required to attend parenting classes (not together) which wil help both of you learn how to parent safely and effectively, as separated parents.

As someone who has experienced this firsthand, the BEST money you could ever spend will be on going to court, and making things legal, and right.

 

[candi4687]

You should start documenting the times he comes there and what he says and all this other stuff going on. Once you do go to court and have all this taken care of you will atleast have this to fall back on. Just remember that yes he will be entitled to have his visitations and almost ALL parents will at one point in time take that visitation time. BTW, have you ever even thought that maybe he don't care to see the baby when he/she is not with you is because he wants to stay close to you? I am just a mom and I can't accurately give legal advise so do what you wish but DOCUMENT EVERYTHING, especially when he says bad things about the baby.