Custody Relocation Trial Scheduled

[LdiJ]

Thanks. I also think my attorney is being a wimp for not wanting to ask for a revision to the temporary order but I will insist. I'm paying him a pretty penny and I want him to at least ask and let the judge decide.

Either that or you insist to your attorney that it get set for trial so that the judge can decide.

 

[not2cleverRed]

The trial has not happened yet, so can she make a ruling without it? She has been threatening a trial but at every hearing she keeps pushing the trial date back another 90 days. It's like she's trying to make him settle with the threat that she is going to approve the relocation but she's not understanding that he will never settle. It has been 18 months and counting.

I asked my attorney to ask for a temporary order to relocate pending trial if we go back on the 31st with no settlement. He doesn't seem to want to do that but I feel strongly about it. Pre K enrollment is starting and I want to enroll him in his school that he's currently attending which is a great program that he's thriving in even though he's only there temporarily. Pre K starts end of July and with this back and forth to NY, he needs to be in one place full time to benefit.

That's exactly what she's trying to give him time to do.

Yes, you will have to go to trial. Be calm and patient.

 

[gapeach404]

That's exactly what she's trying to give him time to do.

Yes, you will have to go to trial. Be calm and patient.

He's a narcissist (it's in the evaluation), he will never settle. My concern is our son is getting older and he needs stability. He's starting pre-K and he should have the stability of being in one school and thriving. He has done exceptionally well with the back and forth but the current schedule can't continue once he starts pre-K.

 

[CJane]

He's a narcissist (it's in the evaluation), he will never settle. My concern is our son is getting older and he needs stability. He's starting pre-K and he should have the stability of being in one school and thriving. He has done exceptionally well with the back and forth but the current schedule can't continue once he starts pre-K.

What's the temporary order?

 

[gapeach404]

What's the temporary order?

Ex gets every other weekend Saturday 10am - Sunday 6pm and an optional Wednesday dinner visit 6-8:30p. Which means we are constantly flying between NC and NY to give him visitation which is costly. Fortunately my job allows me the flexibility to work remotely when in NY but it's very costly to me as I'm spending a ton in Airbnb and/or hotels when in NY while he has visitation, not to mention round trip flights for 2 twice a month, rental cars, etc.

I've tried to rework the schedule with Ex by swapping the midweek dinner visit and give him another overnight on the Friday of his weekend so that I don't have to break up my week and fly so often but he refuses.

If I can't get the temporary order to relocate I at least would like that midweek dinner visit gone so that I can at least get a full week of work in NC.

 

[CJane]

If I can't get the temporary order to relocate I at least would like that midweek dinner visit gone so that I can at least get a full week of work in NC.

So, you've effectively relocated, anyway, right? And you're following the visitation schedule outlined.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for your attorney to push for a temporary order, incorporating the recommendations of the GAL (one trip to NY for kiddo, one trip to NC for Dad), pending a trial.

 

[LdiJ]

So, you've effectively relocated, anyway, right? And you're following the visitation schedule outlined.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for your attorney to push for a temporary order, incorporating the recommendations of the GAL (one trip to NY for kiddo, one trip to NC for Dad), pending a trial.

I agree. What you are having to do is simply not reasonable in the long term...even just giving dad that Friday night and taking away the midweek would help a lot in the short term.

However, your attorney needs to make it clear to the judge that dad is never going to agree to anything, so that nothing in this case is going to move forward unless the judge orders it.

 

[gapeach404]

So, you've effectively relocated, anyway, right? And you're following the visitation schedule outlined.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for your attorney to push for a temporary order, incorporating the recommendations of the GAL (one trip to NY for kiddo, one trip to NC for Dad), pending a trial.

Yes I've relocated in order to keep my job, and I'm following the visitation schedule. My attorney just replied and he feels because we requested an order to show cause at the initial hearing in 2016 that asking for this now would be useless. My thought is that now we have the forensic report and GAL both recommending relocation, why not ask again.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes I've relocated in order to keep my job, and I'm following the visitation schedule. My attorney just replied and he feels because we requested an order to show cause at the initial hearing in 2016 that asking for this now would be useless. My thought is that now we have the forensic report and GAL both recommending relocation, why not ask again.

You might want to consider getting a consult with another attorney. It does not make sense that with both the forensic report and the GAL recommending relocation that your attorney isn't being more aggressive in getting things done.

 

[CJane]

I guess I just don't understand what your attorney thinks the risk is, in asking that the judge modify the temporary order to more closely mirror the GAL's recommendations.

I'm all for going with the attorney's reasonings if they can be articulated to me clearly. But, it's also their job to do what you want them to do. And if your attorney isn't even asking the judge to consider something more in line with the child's best interests, how is the judge supposed to know that what's currently happening is untenable?

 

[gapeach404]

You might want to consider getting a consult with another attorney. It does not make sense that with both the forensic report and the GAL recommending relocation that your attorney isn't being more aggressive in getting things done.

I've definitely been feeling like we aren't on the same page for a while now. There is another family attorney that I found that is well versed in custody relocation. I'm going to try and get a consult with him.

 

[gapeach404]

I guess I just don't understand what your attorney thinks the risk is, in asking that the judge modify the temporary order to more closely mirror the GAL's recommendations.

I'm all for going with the attorney's reasonings if they can be articulated to me clearly. But, it's also their job to do what you want them to do. And if your attorney isn't even asking the judge to consider something more in line with the child's best interests, how is the judge supposed to know that what's currently happening is untenable?

I don't understand it either.

 

[gapeach404]

I finally got a proposed settlement offer from my Ex:

• Joint Legal Custody
• Visit son in NY every other weekend, Mother pays for airfare (Friday night 8pm to Sunday 6pm).
• Visitation is extended to Monday until 6pm on 3-day weekends
• 1 week vacation in June, 2 consecutive weeks in August
• Thanksgiving in even years, Christmas in odd years
• Child’s birthday if it falls on a weekend. Mother is responsible for airfare for child to and from NY.
• 2 video calls per day
• Child support will be lowered by 50%

1. I'm fine with joint legal as long as there's a stipulation for if we can't come to an agreement, which most likely will happen, that I get final decision making power as I am custodial parent. I do not want to get stuck with my son's health hanging in the balance because I have to wait for him to agree to a procedure/treatment etc. Ex can be very non responsive and indecisive.

2. Putting my son on a plane every 2 weeks seems like a lot. I'm sticking to bringing him once a month and paying for Dad to come to NC once a month at my expense. Also those times don't work. Doesn't allow for son to get prepared for school the next day, etc.

3. Child support lowered by 50%. NEVER. If I'm paying for all this travel there's no way I'm ever agreeing to lower child support by half.

 

[LdiJ]

I finally got a proposed settlement offer from my Ex:

• Joint Legal Custody
• Visit son in NY every other weekend, Mother pays for airfare (Friday night 8pm to Sunday 6pm).
• Visitation is extended to Monday until 6pm on 3-day weekends
• 1 week vacation in June, 2 consecutive weeks in August
• Thanksgiving in even years, Christmas in odd years
• Child’s birthday if it falls on a weekend. Mother is responsible for airfare for child to and from NY.
• 2 video calls per day
• Child support will be lowered by 50%

1. I'm fine with joint legal as long as there's a stipulation for if we can't come to an agreement, which most likely will happen, that I get final decision making power as I am custodial parent. I do not want to get stuck with my son's health hanging in the balance because I have to wait for him to agree to a procedure/treatment etc. Ex can be very non responsive and indecisive.

2. Putting my son on a plane every 2 weeks seems like a lot. I'm sticking to bringing him once a month and paying for Dad to come to NC once a month at my expense. Also those times don't work. Doesn't allow for son to get prepared for school the next day, etc.

3. Child support lowered by 50%. NEVER. If I'm paying for all this travel there's no way I'm ever agreeing to lower child support by half.

It's not unreasonable to ask that the tiebreaker rule be written into the orders. Just bear in mind that not all judges will do that.

I agree that putting your son on a plane every other weekend is probably not in your son's best interest. There is no reason why dad shouldn't have to fly to him once every 4 weeks.

The 50% reduction in child support is absurd. It might be reasonable if your move was costing dad any money, but so far, it's not.

 

[not2cleverRed]

By Thanksgiving and Christmas does he mean just the holidays or the full school break?

What about other school breaks? I like your counter offer, plus offering some school break time. (We have a week off in Feb + another in spring, what's usual in your school district?)

Edit: I forgot how young your child was. Still, there should be language in the order that accounts for school. Otherwise, you'll be back in a year scrambling to get something in place for kindergarten.