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Custody Relocation Trial Scheduled

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TheGeekess

Keeper of the Kraken
I finally got a proposed settlement offer from my Ex:

• Joint Legal Custody
• Visit son in NY every other weekend, Mother pays for airfare (Friday night 8pm to Sunday 6pm).
• Visitation is extended to Monday until 6pm on 3-day weekends
• 1 week vacation in June, 2 consecutive weeks in August
• Thanksgiving in even years, Christmas in odd years
• Child’s birthday if it falls on a weekend. Mother is responsible for airfare for child to and from NY.
2 video calls per day
• Child support will be lowered by 50%

1. I'm fine with joint legal as long as there's a stipulation for if we can't come to an agreement, which most likely will happen, that I get final decision making power as I am custodial parent. I do not want to get stuck with my son's health hanging in the balance because I have to wait for him to agree to a procedure/treatment etc. Ex can be very non responsive and indecisive.

2. Putting my son on a plane every 2 weeks seems like a lot. I'm sticking to bringing him once a month and paying for Dad to come to NC once a month at my expense. Also those times don't work. Doesn't allow for son to get prepared for school the next day, etc.

3. Child support lowered by 50%. NEVER. If I'm paying for all this travel there's no way I'm ever agreeing to lower child support by half.
TWO video calls per DAY!? How about two calls per WEEK as a counter-offer. :cool:
 


And remember... this is a 3 year old.
He currently calls every morning and every evening and it drives me nuts because he always calls when I'm trying to get our son dressed, in the car and off to school.
In the evenings, sometimes he misses him because he calls at 8pm and my son is aging out of his mid day naps so most nights he's fast asleep by 7, 7:30 at the latest.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Don't you just hate it when you've got a non-custodial parent who wants to stay in contact with his/her child?
 
By Thanksgiving and Christmas does he mean just the holidays or the full school break?

What about other school breaks? I like your counter offer, plus offering some school break time. (We have a week off in Feb + another in spring, what's usual in your school district?)

Edit: I forgot how young your child was. Still, there should be language in the order that accounts for school. Otherwise, you'll be back in a year scrambling to get something in place for kindergarten.
Definitely thinking long term as he starts PreK the end of the year. I came up with 2 options for visitation:

Option 1
 1 weekend in NY every 6 weeks, Mother will pay for airfare.
 1 week in June (to include Father’s Day)
 2 weeks in August
 Thanksgiving Thursday – Saturday (odd years)
 Christmas 25-31 – (even years) Christmas vacation will coincide with the child’s school vacation

Option 2
 Every 3 day weekend (January, February, May, July, Sept)
 Spring break (April)
 1 week in June (to include Father’s Day)
 2 weeks in August
 Thanksgiving, Thursday – Saturday (odd years)
 Christmas 25-31 – (even years) Christmas vacation will coincide with the child’s school vacation
*with this schedule Father gets to see son every month except March and October
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Definitely thinking long term as he starts PreK the end of the year. I came up with 2 options for visitation:

Option 1
 1 weekend in NY every 6 weeks, Mother will pay for airfare.
 1 week in June (to include Father’s Day)
 2 weeks in August
 Thanksgiving Thursday – Saturday (odd years)
 Christmas 25-31 – (even years) Christmas vacation will coincide with the child’s school vacation

Option 2
 Every 3 day weekend (January, February, May, July, Sept)
 Spring break (April)
 1 week in June (to include Father’s Day)
 2 weeks in August
 Thanksgiving, Thursday – Saturday (odd years)
 Christmas 25-31 – (even years) Christmas vacation will coincide with the child’s school vacation
*with this schedule Father gets to see son every month except March and October
Dad should get the vast majority of the summer.. not just three weeks. And why is thanksgiving only Thursday through Saturday? You are being chintzy on the time with either of these plans. Dad is asking for far too much but you should be willing to fly junior back ONCE a month. And why shouldn't dad get the entire Christmas break through New years EVERY OTHER YEAR?
 
Dad should get the vast majority of the summer.. not just three weeks. And why is thanksgiving only Thursday through Saturday? You are being chintzy on the time with either of these plans. Dad is asking for far too much but you should be willing to fly junior back ONCE a month. And why shouldn't dad get the entire Christmas break through New years EVERY OTHER YEAR?
He does not want the entire summer. He only wants the amount of time he gets for vacation from work which is 3 weeks per year. As for holidays again he only wants what he gets off from work. He told me this last year.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Definitely thinking long term as he starts PreK the end of the year. I came up with 2 options for visitation:

Option 1
 1 weekend in NY every 6 weeks, Mother will pay for airfare.
 1 week in June (to include Father’s Day)
 2 weeks in August
 Thanksgiving Thursday – Saturday (odd years)
 Christmas 25-31 – (even years) Christmas vacation will coincide with the child’s school vacation

Option 2
 Every 3 day weekend (January, February, May, July, Sept)
 Spring break (April)
 1 week in June (to include Father’s Day)
 2 weeks in August
 Thanksgiving, Thursday – Saturday (odd years)
 Christmas 25-31 – (even years) Christmas vacation will coincide with the child’s school vacation
*with this schedule Father gets to see son every month except March and October
Since you already know that he is not going to accept either of those options, you can certainly present them to him, but you are still going to need to force the judge to have a hearing and make a decision.
 

t74

Member
Schools often have long weekends due to teachers meetings, etc. Thanksgiving week is often one where students have more than Thurs and Fri off in my area.

WHy should Dad not get All three and four day weekends and two day weekends in the months in which he has no visitation?

Since Dad may get more time off in the summer, it should be written that whatever summer time he wants, he gets.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
Schools often have long weekends due to teachers meetings, etc. Thanksgiving week is often one where students have more than Thurs and Fri off in my area.

WHy should Dad not get All three and four day weekends and two day weekends in the months in which he has no visitation?

Since Dad may get more time off in the summer, it should be written that whatever summer time he wants, he gets.
He should have a deadline to declare what summer time he will be exercising, though.

A lot of summer activities have deadlines for registration. It's annoying when you can never qualify for the early bird registration discount because you don't know when the other parent might decide to exercise visitation time. It's more than annoying when the popular summer camp programs are booked solid, excluding anyone who doesn't register early. Parents are always told not to schedule activities on the other parents parenting time, but it's difficult if those dates are up in the air.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Schools often have long weekends due to teachers meetings, etc. Thanksgiving week is often one where students have more than Thurs and Fri off in my area.
I know that there are some areas where Thanksgiving and fall break are combined, but in my observations its not many. I am sure that the OP knows whether or not Thanksgiving Break is longer in her area.

WHy should Dad not get All three and four day weekends and two day weekends in the months in which he has no visitation?
That is confusing. It almost sounds like you think that dad should get all weekends. However, every other weekend is really not feasible considering the distance between homes.

Since Dad may get more time off in the summer, it should be written that whatever summer time he wants, he gets.
I completely disagree with that. Its way too overbroad and vague and would simply be a recipe for disaster. It could be written that dad gets up to x amount of weeks as long as dad gives notice of those weeks by say April 30th.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
If I were in these shoes, I wouldn't counter with what I'm willing to settle for. Always leave some room to give.
 
If I were in these shoes, I wouldn't counter with what I'm willing to settle for. Always leave some room to give.
My attorney advised the same. He said do not start with my final offer which is why I came up with Option 1 and Option 2. I am willing to give more. Dad is the one that's more limited with the time he wants. As I stated before, he does not want the entire summer because he only gets 3 weeks vacation and he doesn't want to pay to put our son in summer camp while he's at work.
 
Today's hearing was a bit of a disaster. Late last night, Dad's attorney sent an email saying no deal and he was not going to accept our counter and he wanted an adjournment. When we got to court, Referee jumped all over me and accused me of being in contempt because I've been taking my son back and forth between NY and NC. She was very dramatic and screamed that this was harmful and confusing to my son to be in 2 daycares. Thankfully the GAL spoke up and explained that my son is doing great and is thriving and has adjusted to the transition well and he sees no need for it to change as it's been status quo for almost 2 years.

It was also discovered that referee has had what my attorney called ex parte communication with Dad's attorney. She granted him an extension in her chambers without my attorney present. He's not sure what if anything to do with that information. The referee did say she was not going to try the case and is sending it to a trial judge and we have a trial date for March.
 

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